ODDS AND ENDS.

New Zealand Herald, Volume XLIV, Issue 13390, 19 January 1907, Page 5 (Supplement)

ODDS AND ENDS.

" Does she move in the best circle of society. "She does, but only on tin- circumference."

She: "Why do so many men go to the bad?" He: "In their eagerness to be known its good fellows."

Uncle Henrv : " What is vour idea of an optimist, Wiflie?" Willie :* " Oh, a feller wot kin git fun out o' goiu' to school.''

Re: "1 quarrelled with Maude about her allowance. His Mother-in-law: "Yes; she told me you quarrelled about nothing."

She " Marriage is necessary to the perpetuation of society." He: "Well, it is he only way some of our best people can get. money.

The Brainy Girl: "There isn't a thing you can do that 1 can't do and do better." The Pretty Jill : Except getting a seat in a crowded car."'

Ooverness : "Why don't you learn your lessons in history'.'" Pupil: " What's' the use? I heard ma say the other day, 'Let bygones lie bygones-' "

Father: "In choosing a wife one should never _ judge by appearances." Son : "That's right. 'Often the prettiest girls have the least money.'

Blown: "Hurry up and put away those medicine bottles.' Mis. Brown: "What's the matter, dear?" Brown: "The life insurance agent's coming."

Maude: " He's just crazy over her since they became engaged. He say.s she is an angel. Alice: "Well, of course, the poor fellow never saw an angel."

"And you didn't propose to her?" "No." " Why?" "1 was leading up to it and suddenly noticed that her voice had a sort of previous! engagement ring."

" You mustn't, bowl your hoop in the front on Sunday, Willie. You must go into the back garden." " But, mamma, isn't it Sunday in the back garden?"

( He : " Why won't you ever speak to Tom Robertson now'.' He's a good sort, but, of course, a rough diamond." She "That's just it. In my opinion he requires cutting.'

Old Lady (indignantly): "I found a flv m your currant cuke, instead of a currant'" Assistant (blandly): "Never mind, mum: if yell bring the fly back we'll exchange if for a currant."

Mrs. Holder: " Why, John, why aren't you leading your evening paper?'"' Mr. Holder: "On account of my conscience. 1 found an umbrella, to-day," and I'm afraid 111 see it advertised for."

Young B.oreni (in the drawing-room) : "Tommy, ernes your sister know [ am here?" Tommy : "I think so. She told mamma this morning she had a presentiment that trouble was coming."

"Mike," .id O'Rafferty to his friend, "Mike, if a. man called 'me a liar what would ye advise me to do?" "Faith, just what 1 did in the same case." " An' what did ye do?" "Well, then, 1 wint to the, funeral. '

Magistrate "You complain that your husband struck you? Why. you're a "big, strong woman, and he's a. physical wreck!"' Mrs. Murphy: " Yis. y'r anuer, but he's only Ik en a physical wreck . since he st hi tick me!"'

Young Mr. Proser (time. 10.50 p.m.): "Do you know 1 have the greatest difficulty in falling to sice]). I've tried everything, but it's no me." Miss Sharp: "Have you tried talking to- yourself after you go 'to.-bed?"