ODDS AND ENDS.

New Zealand Herald, Volume XXXVIII, Issue 11686, 22 June 1901, Page 5 (Supplement)

ODDS AND ENDS.

Ton: " liencd'.ct says he thinks it's nice |to be engaged." Mrs. T.: "Why, he's 'married!" Tom: "Of Course. That's why ! he minks so." i

i Charlie : "People think I am coldj hearted! Bui 1 have high ideas. 1 love the : beautiful, the tender, the true " Mabel: " Say no more, Charlie. You niav ask papa!"

He: "i notice you have ■~ phaio, Miss Clara." She: "Oh. yes: bill ii is mv sister who plays upon it— 1." lis (rapturously): "Clara, 1 love you! Will you be my wife?"

Mrs. Farmer: "(Jit out i.' here or I'll put a load ..' buckshot in ye!" Chilly Nytes: "Ah, mum! It's seen a relief ter find a lady w'ot kin talk suthin' besides dress, golf, or automobiling.

"All, love, I would like to listen to you all night,"' he said, as he arose to go. Six months after they were married he chanced to stay out fifteen minutes after his .usual hour of return, and he. had his desire "ratified.

"You're a nice lad," remarked the minister to a boy who was chopping wood. "Does mother give you anything for' chopping firewood?" " No," replied the bov, with a meaning look, "but ; net something if I don't do it."

Mrs. Peck: "You are. a queer man. At dinner yesterday, when the Joneses and Jenkinses were here, I had to do all the talking. You had absolutely nothing to say."_ "You are mistaken. I had plenty to say, but 1 never got a chance to sav it."

A certain bishop, as he was going about his diocese, asked the porter of a'lunatic asylum how a chaplain whom he (the bishop) had lately appointed was getting on. " Oh, my lord," said the man. "his preaching is most successful. The hidiots henjoys it partickler."

Nervous old lady enters a train, and when about to seat herself discovers a horrid man v ith a gun 1.1 the- cay. •' I hope that thing is not loaded.'" Frolicsome Sportsman: " Yes, ma'am, it is. However. I will insert this cork in the muzzle. There, it is quite sale now." The timid one is satisfied.