ODDS AND ENDS.

New Zealand Herald, Volume XXXIII, Issue 10319, 19 December 1896, Page 4 (Supplement)

ODDS AND ENDS.

He : " Will you love me if I give up all my bad habit??" She (protesting): " But,Georgo, how could you expect mo to love a perfect stranger He: "May I kiss your hand?" She: "Certainly. But if ycu had intimated that you preferred hands, I shouldn't have removed my veil." Fiancee: "Oh, Charley, I love you so much ! You are all I have in this world !" He: "My gracious! If that is true, I shall have to break our engagement." At the Chemist's.—: "Have you any cure for the toothache ?" Chemist: " No." Customer: " Let mo shake hands with you. You are the first chomist that has told me the truth." Before and After.Mrs. Talkmoro: " Did your husband lose his heart over you before you married?" Mrs. Gossip: "Ho must have done so. I'm sure that I've seen precious little of it since." Advantages of Civilisation,—: "Pa, the Chineso invented gunpowder, didn't 'they Mr. Figg: "Yos; but it was nevor really of much use for killing purposes until the civilised nations took old of it!" Mrs. Wurroy (to policeman): " Have you found any trace of my boy? He's been away all day, and I can't find out anything as to his whereabouts." Policeman : "Uest easy, madam. Describe the boy, and we will send a man down to the cricket ground at once and get him for you." Marklane: How is your telephone service?" Throgmorton: "It varies considerably. When Fin in a hurry to deliver an important message tl'O wretched thing won't work a bit, but when the offico boy wants to gossip tor half an hour with the girl at the central office it works like a charm." Mrs. Jones: "How does your daughter Helen like hor new sewing-machine ?" Mrs. Brown: " Oh, she had to givo it up; tho exertion of moving the pedals was altogether too much for hor." Mrs. Jones. " Where is sho now ?" Mrs. Brown: " Oh, she's out on her bicycle. She is perfectly infatuated with it. She has already made three runs of fifty milos in a fortnight." After the able-bodied citizen had captured the burglar he said : "If you will tell mo what drove you to this business, I will let you ' go." ."Bicycles," said tho conquered one, sullenly. "In what way Wereyou a horse-dealer?" "No. I used to have one of the best beggin' routes in the city, but how is a feller goto' to have any chance to beg from a bloke what's whizzin' by at thirty miles an hour ?"• •