LOCAL GOSSIP.

New Zealand Herald, Volume XXXIII, Issue 10319, 19 December 1896, Page 1 (Supplement)

LOCAL GOSSIP.

•Lei. me have audience for a word or Uo." i —Shakespere. ton the position of custodian of the Little Barrier Island, there are, we are told, 198 applicants. These comprise, it is said, two clergymen, and many men of education and culture. Is is curious to speculate on the motives which have induced so many to seek the position. The caretaker, with his family, must be the only occupant of the island, and there are many times during the year when, for considerable periods, he could notleavo if heworewilling. Soeing that the material advantages of the position are by no means great, can it he that many men have it secret love for a Robinson Crusoe existence, and are willing to abjure all the delights and charms of society? I-/very boy is fascinated by Robinson Crusoe. Perhaps I ought to say was fascinated, because in these days of passing standards, nhen all romance is perishing because of the cramming system, I do not think that Robinson Crusoe is so attractive as it was. But there was a time when every boy fancied how grand it must be to march ibout with a gun on his shoulder, even at the risk of seeing a mysterious footprints on the sand. And then, when Friday appeared on the scene, Robinson Crusoe ought to have been perfectly happy. The custodian of the Little Barrier will have many advantages over Defoe's hero, because ho will have his family around him. Rut still his life will bo solitary enough. Ho will bo monarch of all he surveys, and from the centre all round to the sea, he will be lord of the fowl and tho brute. I know a Dan who took a place as lighthouse keeper for the purpose of having leisure and lolitude enough to work out calculations respecting the Great Pyramid, and also something about the earth's parallax, and nbout how long it would tako to bring about certain solar and planetary changes, which would cause the destruction of this globe, Kith all that it inherits. The result about ilie Pyramids I forget, but the changes in the position of the earth, the sun, and the ttars were not to eventuate for somo twenty millions of years, or some forty millions, I im not sure which. At all events, the time was so far removed as to make the events, ilthough they were to be terrible when they \tme, of .no practical interest to me.

The man on the Barrier may find himself much more profitable occupation than making calculations about the Pyramids, or the duration of the world. .Ho may lay in a stock of books for the long winter evenings or the long summer days. Every man, however much he has read, has something before him which he feels is still to b done. Alexander the Great wept because he had no more worlds to conquer, but there has never been any man who could place his band on his heart and declare that he had no more to read. Even lam looking forward to the time when 1 will have leisure jnougli to sit down and go through Gibbon's "Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire," and when I think of the pleasures if reading again books which 1 have not looked at for years, I feel vexed that I did cot put in an application myself for the Little Barrier Island. 1 believe the Institute are going to give the aucccssful applicant a present of "Zimmerman on Solitude," as an appropriate book for study.

Talking of Robinson Crusoe rominds me of a mistake made in the early days by the Government of New Zealand. They wanted to put into Maori for the natives some book which would be of interest to them, and after long consideration they selected Robinson Crusoe. One would have thought that was a good selection. The book was translated by, I think, Mr. d. T. Kemp. One of our early settlers, ifho employed a good many Maoris, got a •opy, and read it to his people in the irenings. Tboy followed with intense Interest Crusoe's early life, his adventures with lions in Africa, and all his sea-farint: career. But when ho got landed on the Island of Juan Fernandez, just afc the..Very point When for us the main interest of the' nook commences, their interest died away. Here was a man comfortably housed, with I wreck beside him, from which he cobld get many articles of food, with guns and immunition to shoot goats, and yet he filled up whole pages with moaning and groaning. And he was not even contented when he got Friday to act as his slave, »nd when lie had the gratification of shooting men who had 'no guns, »nd who were frightened at the explosion of a musket. And yet, even with this last pleasure, Crusoe was not satisfied. The Maoris voted him'an unreasonable curmudgeon, and could scarcely » pursuaded to listen to the end ok the listgry.

Our new Mayor, as lie was in duty bound, Made some complimentary remarks about I »is predecessor at the ceremonial of Wedsesriay last. He was of course constrained 10 refer to the fact that the citizens of Auckland had paid him the compliment of allowing his mayoralty with the representation of the city in Parliament. But Mr. Boardman was anxious that nobody should be under any mistake, and took the opportunity of letting Mr. Holland and everybody'else know that he did not vote for him. He did not like the company Mr. Holland kept, that was the truth of the matter. Then Mr. Trenwi'ch, in making the presentation to Mr. Holland, also warned him to : beware of his political associates. Mr. Holland had this remark to make, " In answer to Mr. Trenwith, he could assure them that he was no Socialist." I don't think that Mr. Holland can say exactly what he is. The Government have put forward a Socialist programme, and Mr. Holland will follow the Government. _ It is quite true that the Government, looking at the voting throughout the colony, may suddenly become Conservative, and then Mr. Holland will be safe. But if Mr. Seddon chooses to exert his force to drag Mr. Holland into the lobby after him to vote for a Socialistic measure, he will not be able to resist. Richard is a man of weight and muscle.

There are some complaints of the " sweating" of the poll clerks at the late election, some of them having had to work Very long hours on a very insufficient allowance of beer and sandwiches. The Government, which boasts of introducing the eight hours system, and which is always bringing in Bills to make eight hours compulsory everywhere, will not even make any extra allowance. At last general election, the poll clerks at a booth in Christchurch had to work very long hours, and made a claim for an extra halfirown, but the reply was " want of funds.'

A correspondent in the country sends me in illustration ot how the charitable aid lystem is worked. A man found himself in the dock with the knotty question to decide, " Shall I p-iy a fine of £5 and return to the bosom of my family, or take a month's holiday at Mount Eden ? He aid what all men should do in diificulfc crises of life, he consulted with his wife.. Her advice was thoroughly practical and businesslike, namely, that he should go to Mount Eden, while meanwhile she would be supported by the Charitable Aid Board. The propamine was carried out, tne chief sufferers being the unfortunate ratepayers.

A lady sends me a poetical effusion, entitled, "Leap Year in the Bush, from winch it is plain that she cherishes the proper and natural feeling of being made love to. She says When genius burns, when songs ate sung, When it's a good tiling to be young, When little lasses whisper me About the fancied wisbed-for he, Who is dark, handsome, clever, tali, Mustachoed, sings, has mouey, anu all. Ko doubt that is something like the general ideal of young girls. This gushing and yearning poet confesses that it passes her wit to conceive how a man woos, 11 How does one speak who's more than friend J Buo i oust quote again-• Come, Someone, shew me how yon woo, : I Or, since uiy luck will he no better, 1-et's have your wooing all by letter. ./... With half the chances on my side, ■■ 7 ■ . ' Since Fortune don't make me a brine, ■ \ I'll jog her memory—where's the harm. r. • Somehow or another I am -to « bo \®i ,e means of conveying her rneasaga to iiiW fw .

whoso sake, so alio ia convinced,'sho was Bent to this world. She is, according to her account, good and' good-looking, and yet fortune sends Not one sole lover, only friends," I am afraid that my fair correspondent's is not a solitary case. She appropriately signs herself " Piacatrix," and lean only hope she will be successful. Perhaps I could set forth her attractions more successfully if sho would grant a personal interview.

Now that a 14 water famine" is in tho air, some good " water stories" are in circulation. Here is one of them which shows for crass idiocy and red - tapeisin nothing beats your Government official. It appears that a leakage took place in a pipe on an allotment or Government reserve. A municipal workman was instructed to go and stop tho leak. When Tito Barnacle heard that ahuublo workman had dared to sot his foot on the reserve and stop tho leakage bofore an official utterance" had been made, he was wroth, and tho workman, was ordered off tho reserve as having no jurisdiction. Nothing more was done till the ond of the month, when the water bill came in to the Government officials. It was five times the amount of that of the previous month. Then tho fun began, and Tito Barnacle was greatly put out, and tried to bring tho bill down to its normal dimensions. The answer of the civic authorities was a crn-her. " Wo sent a workman to stop tho leakage, but ho was ordered off the ground, consequently you must pay for the water which has run to waste into the sea." There was nothing for it but to pay tho bill, and look pleasant, but Tito Barnacle will never forget the day be ordered a civic workman off the Government reserve, instead of allowing him to do his obvious duty. It is nets like these which lend people .to give cre'.lence to the story told of a Wellington youth. Ho went to a doctor and stated ho folt somo head symptoms. Tho medico oxamined tho patient and replied that he saw nothing much the matter with him, except that his brains wanted scraping; he would take them out and scrape them, and if tho patient called in a fortnight he would put thorn in again for him. Contrary to promise, the young man did not turn up. Somo time afterwards the doctor met his patient on Lambton Quay, and asked why lie did not turn up to get his brains, which had been scraped according to promise, 'and were ready for putting in again. Tho youth replied to tho doctor that "since ho had last seen him he had got a Government billot, and ho wouldn't want them now !"

Our knights of the rod, I hear, are doing very woll this season at Okoroire and Oxford in trout fishing. Many of the young trout turned out some two or three years ago in the streams are turning up of respectable size, and giving excellent sport. There are a few devoted fishers among our citizens, but none of them have reached the higher plane of Russel, of the Scotsman, who was perhaps the most whole-souled trout-fisher of his own or any other period, as his piscatorial aspirations extended beyond the grave. " When 1 die," h a exclaimed in a lino rapture, " Should I go to heaven, I will fish in tho Water of Life with a fly dressed with a feather from the wing of an angel; should I be unfortunately consigned to another destination, I shall nevertheless hope to angle in the Styx with the worm that never dies !"

" Where the carcase is there aro the eagles gathered together." I hear that a goodly number of spielers have come up from the South—three-card men, confidence men, pickpockets,and burglars. It behoves, therefore, citizens to keep a sharp look-out on their pockets, and also about their residences. It is strange that, notwithstanding all the warnings given about the "confidence" men, the country yokel rife? to the fly every time, and only shows what Carlyle found out long ago, that mankind are " mostly fqols."

I notice that the ex-Mayor of the city was presented with, a "spirit case" on his retirement! from.office.'. Wits this a delicate reminder t# Mr. "Holland" that lie was on tho brewers' ticket? What is wanted in the City Council is " public spirit," and probably the case presented to Mr. Holland will hold all of that article which is in the Council. When Sloltke was presented with the freedom of Berlin in a gold snuffbox, the Parisian journalistic wags said the gift was a most appropriate one, inasmuch as "all the freedom in Berlin could be put in a snuffbox."

Two persons are said to havo lost their lives over the general election and the local option poll. One woman in the South, interested in hotel property, aud averse to striking out the top line, took a fit of apoplexy and died. In our own city a man persisted in rising from a sick bed and going to the poll. He is now out at Waikoraiti, and no longer will bo vexed with either continuance, reduction, or prohibition. The moral of the incidents is to go gently, and not to tear oneself to tatters about anything in this vale of tears.

Notwithstanding the warnings of the Post Office authorities to the public against sending money and unregistered articles in unregistered letters, the practico is still persisted in. Frequently, tho secretary of the General Post Office states money is sent by post in the most tireless manner. It is a common thing to find in tho Post Office, letters crammed full with bank-notes, very often in the flimsiest covers. Frequently the contents protrude from the envelops.*, or are found loose in the mail bags, having burst their envelopes, and frequently letters tilled with notes are carelessly thrown loose into railway vans for the guard to deliver with the mails. It is pasting strange that people should act thus, with the risk of losing the money, and in tho event of non-delivery casting suspicion on many innocent persons. The registration fee of 3d in such cases is within the reach of everybody.

May I, who am of too calm and peaceful a nature to be a musician, offer a suggestion to the ladies and gentlemen of the Choral Society who seem at present in a restless state. A meeting of all the members should be held, when in all likelihood explanations could be mado which would clear up all misunderstandings. Mr. F. D. Fenton, who is the father of the Choral Society, and who I have no doubt is deeply grieved > at the present position of affairs, wouid no daubt attend and give the wiso counsol which his experience would suggest. .

Now and again incidents arise which show that "one half the world does not know how the other half lives," and for that matter does not know how they die. The police are trying to unravel the mystery of the death of a man named William Roberta, who left Melbourne after the exhibition of 1889, and so far as his wife and family are concerned iB said to have left no trace behind him. A largo sun of money is now held in suspontje, contingent upon the establishment of the fact of his death. Ho is said to have been drownod eithor in Dunedin Harbour or that of Auckland. Enquiry . made at Dunedin fails to reveal the fact that any man named Wra. Roberts, age.l 30, was drowned there. A search of the Auckland police inquestbook has been equally unsuccessful in tracing Roberts, who seems to have faded completely out of. sight. Mekcotio.