LOCAL GOSSIP

New Zealand Herald, Volume XXXIII, Issue 10133, 16 May 1896, Page 1 (Supplement)

LOCAL GOSSIP

"Let me have audience for a front or two." — Shakeiptrt. I have to bring under the notice of the Women's Democratic League, the Women's Liberal Leaguo, the Women's Political League, and all the other leagues and associations in New Zealand, a grievance of a practical and sentimental character which they can remedy easily if they take a determined stand. The census paper had to be signed by the husband and father as " head of the household." Such a title is clearly barbarous and antiquated, and ought to be abolished. lb savours of an age whon « omen were considered as inferior. It certainly cannot be tolerated now, when women insist as a rule of politics on " the principle of tho absolute equality of the sexos.'' Here we have emanating from a Government department, adocument which assumes that when there is a husband and father in a family ho should proudly (but perhaps falsely) declare himself as" head of the household." Let our leagues take action at once. Mr. Seddon has shown himself anxious to secure the votes of the women, and he will no doubt pass a resolution in the House next session instructing the Registrar-Goneral that in all census schedules the principle of the absolute equality of tho sexes " shall be recognised.

A friend who is a zealous patriot informs toe that he has solved the problem of why Mr, Seddon is so much averse to the movement in Auckland for the establishment of rifle clubs. Some of tho promoters have, it seems, made themselves very conspicuous by the gushing welcome which they accorded to Mr. Withy, jun., the well-known disciple of Mr. Henry George, after his return from England, where he had done so much to promote the principles of land nationalisation. " No doubt," continued my informant, "there were men on the proposed rifle club who did not hold these objectionable views, and who like myself are ready and willing to give a good account of a Boer, a land or any other enemy of freemen. Hut Mr. Seddon, being half a Scotchmau, has inherited from his mother a certain amount of caution, and must have heard that ' fules and bairnsshudnae hae lang chappin'sticks'" My friend is, I think, needlessly alarmed. That some of the most prominent in the Rifle Club are land nationalises is a mere coincidence. Perhaps they are anxious to prove their patriotism. Perhaps if they got rifles, and spent an hour at the range at Mount Eden every morning, it might divert their thoughts from the theories of Henry George to patriotism and common sense.

A lady writes from Pukekoho lamenting forcibly and bitterly the extravagance recently manifested by some of her sex. She thinks that there is a danger that what has been said and done may deter women from coming forward who might dc good. The vast majority of women know quite well what is right, and are not by any means proud of the fantastic tricks played before the world by their "advanced" Bisters. But they aro dumb while the others speak loudly.

The typhoid epidemic is as severe as ever, and the Hospital wards are congested. But the burglary epidemic has considerably decreased, judging by the fact that for several days we have not had a report about a shop being broken into. Have we more police than formerly, or are the member* of the force more vigilant ? lb would be a bad sign for the place if the burglars have thought it necessary to quit because they did not get sufficient return for their enterprise and capital.

Teachers are sometimes at a loss for themes to give their pupils to write upon. Suppose they propose this one: "The recent row at the Board of Education; who was legally entitled to take the chair; what is your opinion respecting the members of the Board?" If the essays on the above subject were sent to me, I volunteer to print some of the most " Bpicy."

It is a puzzle to understand how the Caledonian Society has got into its present condition, as at one time ib seemed to be vigorous and strong. A correspondent informs me that at the last all that was Scottish about it was " Auld Lang Syne" at the close of the night's programme, and that it had degenerated into a cheap dancing school for young men and young women. Perhaps the best way would be to amalgamate with the Burns Club, which Eeems an evergreen, under the title of the Burns Club and Caledonian Society. The funds would be strengthened, and the working expenses reduced 50 per cent. 1 am glad to find that the Caledonian Society still clings to •' Auld Lang Syne"—the world's national anthem and the Marseillaise of humanity. There has recently been published a work entitled " Robert Burns in other Tongues," and shows how .foreigners have tried to turn Burns's lyrics into German, Danish, Norwegian, Dutch, Flemish, Hungarian, French, Italian, Gaelic, Welsh, and Latin. The German version would make the tears toll down the cheeks of Sandy. Take the opening lines—

"Und solten alter Freundscluft wir, Gedeiiken uimmermelir ? Gedenkeu alter Freuudscbaft aicht ? tan*', lang", ist's her. (Chorus). Lang", lang" ist's her, mem Schat2, DrumiMikcn wir von llertzen eins, Lang, king ist's her.

If the members of the Caledonian Society had to wrestle with that version one could understand their passing on to the next item. The Dutch version is said to be rather flat, even when rendered with Dutch courage. But the funniest thing of all is "Tam o'Shanter" in Bohemian.

The Church Congress goes bo show that the Church is renewing its youth, and is desirous of absorbing tho "separated brethren." But, according bo the following extract from the Daily Mercury of July 12, 1804, the Church had a narrow squeak or being absorbed itself. It is a rather fishy story, and therefore needs a grain of salt. Some people will say " very like a whale," but the yarn speaks for itself, and appears in the Church Times:—

An enormous whale is said to have been stranded off Flamborough Head in the year 1259, in a state of dreadful exhaustion, v/ith a church steeple sticking out of its mouth. On cutting up the sacrilegious monster, which could not be performed so quickly as to prevent his convulsions from setting all the bells a-ringing, the whole congregation were found in the body of the church, enclosed in the stomach of the leviathan in the very act of singing the Psalms, and the parion in the vestry taking a glass of wine before the sermon.

I notice that a suburban Borough Council declined to grant a permit for a Punch and Judy. Why is this thus ? Was it because they thought the entertainment had a Buspicious resemblance to some of the " off nights " of the Council, or was it because they did not wish to have their feelings harrowed by a repetition of the delights of a which had passed away, thus bringing with it vain regrets?

In his lecture on the Franco-Prussian war, at the Tabernacle, the Rev. A. Ager bad a sly dig at the pubs. He said it was the most difficult thing in the world to get a New Zealand publican to shut his door at 10o'clock p.m., or indeed any hour, but when he was at Sedan there was no trouble on that score. At the blast of the German bugles every hotel door was shut at 9 p.m., and at another blast at 9.30 every light was out, and nothing could bo heard the livelong night in tho streets save the heavy tread of the German patrols.

lb is amusing to note the ingenious devices adopted to evade the dog tax, in part if not in the whole. By a beautiful arrangement each borough can fix the tax at any amount ib pleases. In Auckland it is 103.' in one suburb ss, in another 2s 6d, bo that the :Aucklander has the temptation constantly before him to overreach Mr. George Goldie and his assistant,

Mr. George \V. Garrard. It is alleged that some smart citizens save their 7s 6d or ss, as the case may be, in this wise ; They give their dog temporarily to a suburban friend. He registers the dog in the suburbs ab the lower fee. After a timo ho gives the dog away to his city friend. When the Registrar discovers the dog in the city he finds that it is registered in another district ! To trace out these dodges, and to look through the books of the suburban local bodies would fully take up the time of one man. In the meantime the dog escapes and the citizen laughs at the success of his ruso. Tho tax should be uniform throughout the colony, as the present system is simply a premium for dishonesty and successful evasion of tho dog tax in the city.

I understand that the nuisance occasioned to tradesmen in the vicinity of Vulcan-lane of having, on race days and at other times, the pavements and thoroughfares block by persons idling about all day, making books and bets on the races, that the police authorities intend bringing the matter under the notice of the City Council with a view to a by-law being passed to deal with the question. The evil began to manifest itself some'mouths ago, and has gone on increasing until hundreds of boys are now engaged in betting and gambling, and getting tickets on totalisator odds. Formerly, the whole timo of one constable was absorbed in keeping the concourse of idlers moving on. The matter was tested in the Courts, but by a magisterial decision such conduct was not held to bo a breach of the Gaming and Lotteries Act, and all that could bo done was to keep " moving on" the crowd. As one man or boy was "moved on," another who had been shifted elsewhere stuped into his placo, so that the police wree baffled at every attempt to clear the thoroughfares or pavements. Latterly the gambling element has been so large that it takes two constables to keep a passage for pedestrians and tradesmen desiring to get on with their business, and the day force is woakened to that extent in fulfilling their legitimate street duty.

We have heard a good deal about the New Woman and her eccentricities. It is only to be expected that her antics should lead to the New Man. The following advertisement appears in the Melbourne Argus, which shows how completely the relations ofthe sexes are being altered :—

To mothers engaged in business:—Elderly man, steady, respectable, would give whole time helping with housework, mind children daytime, and 5s week for comfortable home. Can help make children's clothes ; town or country; open till Friday. Domestic, General Post Office.

I commend this significent paragraph to the attention of the newly fledged Women's Democratic Union., Onoof their " planks " is that 50 ptr cent of tho persons engaged in the service of tho country shall be women. Just fancy half the " niimbahs av the foorce" Burdalias ! A quarter of a century ago Mrs. Lucretia Mott endeavoured to effect that change in the police force of New York, and tho female police were to go forth " with a star on their brow and a sceptre in their hand," making the night cases their especial charge. Strange to say tho reform has not yet been effected, possibly because the police department could not get sufficient "stars" and "sceptres."

Auion£ the many changes made in the police force, none will be more noticed by the public than the promotion of Constable McLellan, Police Court orderly, to the charge of the Newton Police Station. Constable McLellan has been as much a part of the judicial administration as the Bench itself, and tho sonorous tones in which he called out, "Si-l-enc e in the Coort,"Btruckawe into the broastof the moat abandoned larrikin that ever made his bow to His Worship. From the days of Captain Beckham downwards, through the terms of office of six magistrates, he •has held his coign of vantage, and enjoyed the respect and approval of -his official superiors. For'2oyeara Constable McLellan has passed the "little bits of blue" to the recipients in the politest manner possible, and it took all the sting out of a summons when he served it. I hear that the constables are to take the duties of Court orderly in terms of three months each in order to enable them to pick up the legal wrinkles which " Mac" has up his sleevo. Mekcotio.