LOCAL GOSSIP.

New Zealand Herald, Volume XXXII, Issue 10009, 21 December 1895, Page 1 (Supplement)

LOCAL GOSSIP.

■•lei ire bav3 audience for a word or two."

— Shakesptre. jj has becomo a yearly custom with me, tf hen I sit down to pen the notes that will m C, the eyes of my gentle readers at (/Biisiuus-tiile, to take thorn, oiio and all, j nW ,ny arms in kindly embrace. I rejoice tl) think that the link which binds me to ,; lt .;u is somewhat different from that of the j;:„r, who speaks from an elevated ros--I;UU and can scarcely get quit of air of j:i instructor. My position is different, too, f.,.. n that of those who detail the news o ;;hi> day in all its multitudinous forms. 1 view myself rather as the friend who triples with the crowd in the streob, who i:,.-.ros to be on terms of good-fellowship „,i i _■ iod humour with all tho varied folks sri . ; ;ml, with rich and poor, with learned a;; I unlearned. I should like above all t■!.:•;* to bo considered as the embodiment

: : ~:: .ily sympathy ; I am ready to rejoice »;'li those who do rejoice, and to weep in i those who weep. The more one looks into tilings tho more reason ho sees for tho C M:oi-e of charity. Why should 1 refuse [...»: leeling when I know that I require u,j\.-ii of it myself!

And looking back upon the past year, I reiity feel that there is very little occasion (V-. either forgetting or lorgivimr. I have friquently had notes of contradiction or .-■i imstrance, but far ottener coramunica- :. .- showing that my remarks had been t...i-ii in a genet spirit, and had been a;;iiv\ed of. The years roll on, and we .-:>...; -oon have to write 1900. Each of us h.,- his part on die stage of life—a very j::uil [art in all cases except a very few. fcjt even the most insignificant has in his ha: i much powei as regards, the happiness v : ::i.<-e around him. That at all events is ::,•: trust oi eac.'i of us, and we shall be jLii.'vd as we exercise that power. Mean- »:.:.<.', nereis I Silo" before us, and all that v. i-an be sure of is, that it bears for each si-, all many uncertainties And, courte.j- leaders, 1 wish you all a Merry Christis is and a Happy Now Year I

"Lis must be a memorable and eventful season fjr two of our Ministers, for they Uu\e the ranks of righting politicians anil h.-i:h.l into the serene atmosphere where r.> rtorm disturbs the everlasting calm, ft. i where a good salary is secured. The {' ! :i:;il Secretary becomes a judge of the S'iprettu l (Joint, and he has all my good H;>.;e« tor his success. Most people have taught that lie has never been very comf."ruble in his surroundings, but he has L :■.-.• it ;,11 with the patienca which an Irishman can assume when lie sees to what i: leads. The Minister of Labour. who i me lime since declared that if he saw a:.y sign of slackening amongst his colleagues in progressive democracy he «.-u!J resign an. i head an agitation, now iL-ts resign, but for the purpose of a*.* lining the most splendid position in tho g :: i't Mini'tets, the Agcriuienerilship in London. In a few months, oik labour leaders will not know Mr. Reeves, and he v ... not know them. His place can scarcely b. ri'.led, because there is no man who has exactly his qualifications. He would rind i: •iilheult for anyone to accept his mantle, which is rather a threadbare and worn-out article. Mr. Keeves, as Agent-General, vi.l be a curiosity, His predecessor, Sir Westby Perceval, was much occupied in explaining away Mr. Reeves' legislation, or attempted legislation, and in showing that the Socialistic Bills were not so bad after all. Will Mr. Reeves take up the sameru.e, or will he argue that they do not go half far enough? And then, will this straight-out Socialise become Sir W. P. Keens 3

I do not intend by any means to plunge into a certain -contrm-ery which I can scarcely refer to without a blush, but which I may indicate by saying that the City I ..'•unci! are dealing with it by a committee. But, to i&c. as a philosopher, watching the signs o? the times, it is melancholy to t.jsTve how our churches and ecclesiastics have lately thrown away the grand distinction oi religion and religious power, and are t.,i„ys calling out for the police to aid t .li.i. Clergymen apparently cannot see Unt this policy is suicidal. If tho action t; the police is going to make every man sober, abstinent, and virtuous, then we snail be abie to do without clergymen. Ministers of religion think now-a-daya that L'.oral suasion can be done without, and taut their function is to get hold of the political machine and work that. Yet they strenuously object to the policeman triii-g called on to act in the sphere in vii;.,: lie uujjht to act-that is, in respect in p'.tii.c health. Clergymen, when '.hey l'. •- ■__-; 1 , seem ready to cry out, " The Kin? iom of Heaven is at hand I—if we eon..i only get prohibition enacted, and get t:.e age or consent raised, and, moreover, if the police Mould only do their duty!"

Because I give insertion to a little bit of rxrtry now and again, it must not be a«u:nYl that this Local Gossip column i< !»v.t:'.ible for conversion into a "Poet's l,rner." When I reproduced from Hansard fit .-e-'ion before last He Hem Smith's '• poetical effusions," it was with a desire to make of them "an awful example," and it ru-i its effect, for the colony has been saved fur;tier excruciation. Sir Koger O'Toolo's Inductions have been piquant and amusirc, .aid need no apology. It appears, however, that a dispute arose at the late cattle .-how between the judges over the weight of a pig, which had to be taken inio hCi/rit in awarding the prize, and an '•'.-itemed correspondent" has turned the >■■' . leu-, into verse, and in due course sends it to !.i' . Healiy a line ought to be drawn s-.tnewhere. As, however, the swine is now ''■end, i propose to draw it (i.e., tho line) at tnu end oi his " obituary notice :"— To juice a ling two men .is.-»yed, A "flesher" and a butcher; V,<\< in afraid two of a trade Wili ne'er agree; the same you'll see T»ixt the ne«uer and the butcher. l/i..ith the burly tit-slier, "This saino hog Will nut pulldown fivescore;" '.Vz<-i tin: huU-her smiled .mil said, ■ He'll weigh a blot sight more." Pay after day, day after day, fins wordy war went on; Meanwhile trie pig awaiting lay, 1 ranstiiuting into brawn. '1 his precious bog they killed at last, to find it.-, proper weight; Hie flesher poved thai be w.ri right, hot it scaled at ninety-eight. " Hurrah ! hurrah !" the flesher cried, "'said he's nae live score," While Wtzir said, " Well, I'll he dyed, 1 thought the beast was more."

The loss advertised of a roll of twelve i/.iiml notes last week reminds me of an incident some months ago, when the wife of a fireman on board one of the steamers •'ripped her purse with a similar amount, ..ne evening near Mount-street. This was [..fke-i up by Sergeant Clarke, who, through publicity given in the Herald was onablea to return the purse and contents to the rightful owner intact. Sergeant Clarke was fh-irtly after removed to Uunedin, and some time later hail the gratification to receive from the husband two splendid Nautilus uliellj, both hand-painted in oil by this fireman, with representations respectively of the Ovalau and the Tasmania, painted within a life-buoy, each having the owners hou»e flags, Each steamer has been most beautifully copied in every detail, and they are a credit to the artist. Sergeant Clarke, who has charge of the East Duuedin station is proud of his gift, and takes pleasure in showing the presents to any of hia Auckland friends who call on him.

I', is said that wonders will never cease. By the last Hansard to hand (28th October), Sir Robert Stout appears to have congratulated Mr. Seddon on the steady advance ho »as making towards temperanco-step by Hep-just as tho teniporance sentiment in the country was advancing. Why, therefore, should they despair of tire Premier? He hoped to see the hon. gentleman s name enrolled in the Prohibitionist ranks, and he felt sure he would bo found working hand in hand with Mr. lsitt, in a year or two. I'uey bad great hopes, of bim, ana next

year they would be able to enrol him, and seo him a full-fledged Prohibitionist, To this mi Mr. Seddon ventured to supp6so that, when he joined the party, Sir Robert would take his doparture. Tim remark drew from the Knight, the retorb that the Prohibitionists " Wolcomed men of all kinds and characters to their ranks, in order to attain their ends." This lefthanded complimont was received in silonce by the Governments benches.

I wonder if tho builders of the Pyramids had any idea of tl! ° tortures thoy were inflicting upon posterity, and particularly upon myself. They ought to have loft a distinct statement of all their reasons, so as to save tho reason of thousands who have be-on bamboozling themselves about what they wero built for. I have to acknowledge a letter from Mr. Fred. E. Leith, who says:-" Tho problem of tho Great Pyramid is the squaring of the last grand cycle of tho precession, illustrating at the same time tho supremo neb in the drama of tho soul, viz., forsaking its earthly abode (or prison, as the initiates call it) and its return to tho source whence it came." Mr. Loirh is kind enough to enter into tho subject at great length, but I must confess that I cannot follow him. Why cannot he and all the others givo up tho problem, and take to something more useful?

In theso days of gold mine booming the following true story is too good to bo lost. The manager of one of our gold mines sent an imperative demand to a shareholder for the payment of a "call," and received this reply:-" Sir,—l have your letter of this date, and noto tlmb your directors propose to proceed against me. Your prospectus stated that ono of the objects of your company was to ' Sook, win, and work gold in , and olsoivhero.' Things not turning out well in , your directors apparently consider ib their duty to seek, win, and work gold elsewhere, i.e., out of me. I can assure you, however, that lam not in an auriferous vein ; tho only lode I possoss is a load of debt, and as a gold mine I shall be a failure. Your prospectus estimates a yield of loz of gold por ton on .10,001) tons of quartz crushed per annum. You may 'crush' me, but you will find that I will nob yield nearly so much. My person (which for the purpose of this calculation may bo considered quartz) weighs, roughly speaking. 10st, and, it crushed immediately, I estimate that it would yield as under Gold, nil silver, 3s; copper, 4Jjd: total, :?s 4kl. Deduct cost of crushing, say £5 55." ' The " new woman " is beginning to find that ib is not all " beer and skittles" with her, and that really sho is no improvement on the old fashioned portrait of a woman in the days of our grandmothers. A poet has recently contrasted the Old Style and the New in some vigorous lines.' Ho says :— Rote of a memory, tender, tme, a woman who loved ere woman to- " new," Ami suyed at home, and found it bliss to meet tils touch <,f her baby's kiss. Sick of facine the fight and fray, a woman at war for die sex to-day, Ask< herself if tins soul know bess who lited in peace In a love-liued nest, And sought n,i right but the right to bear tho lot of a w-man with grace and prayer, Than she who roes with a flag unfurled to storm the citadels of the world? The now Charitable Aid Board has begun with a good record. Its meeting, on Friday, was the shortest for two years past. The activo and intelligent reporter endeavoured to extract from the chairman, whether this arose from some new men having been roped in, or some old members having been frozen out, but wild horses would not draw a decisive answer out of him. A native minister tod a good story at tho Wesleyan Synod, of his troubles in evaneelising the Kingite-Hauhaus. Ho had just started his devotional exercises, when he hoard an unregenerate Kingite whisper to his comrade. " He'l 1 be passing the plate, directly !" Evidently, " passing tho plate " is as sore a point with tho Kingites, as it is with their more cultivated European brethren. A very strong plea with the topers just now, when they come before Mr. Northcroft, to "draw it mild," is that thoy wish to spend Christmas at home, though, if some got their request granted, they would spend it at Reston's Villa, which is the only home they have gob. A female put in tho old plea tho other day, and tho magistrate, who has a soft spot in his heart for the fair sex, complied with her desire, so far as to make her sentence expire the day before Christmas. " Whether you spond Christmas at home—or elsewhere—will now depend on yourself," said the magisterial Solomon. The lady " tumbled," and skipped out of Court with, " A merry Christmas to your Worship." Mr. Northcroft now thinks it takes all sorts to make a world. Mercotio.