ODDS AND ENDS.

New Zealand Herald, Volume XXXII, Issue 9823, 18 May 1895, Page 4 (Supplement)

ODDS AND ENDS.

Making Both Ends ileab Roasting a pig's head and tail. A New Proverb.—"A man is known by the companies he floats. " So dark and yet so light," as the man said about his short ton of coal. Marrying a woman for her beauty is like eating a nightingale for its singing. The cremationists maintain that the human race should end in a dead heat. Some people who are always waiting for their ships to come home forgot that they have never launched any. He: "Is the ill-mannered person who iusfc left the room a stranger here ?" Hostess : "Almost; ha is my husband." You can get a very good idea of "natural selection" in its practical workings by viewing a celery glass after it has been once round the table.

A Virtue.—He : "So you have come at last?" "She: "Why, I am early. It's only seven, and I only promised to be here at eight." He : " H'm, bub you've mistaken the day. I've been waiting here since yesterday." She Know Them.Laura: " What would you do if you were in my place— made George this smoking jacket all myself, and he doesn't seem to like ib a bit ?" Sophie: "Tell him you've exchanged ib for some pots of flowers." "How many characters are there in yoqr play?" said the manager. "Characters?" said the astonished dramatist. " Didn't I just tell you this was an up-to-date drama? Not a single person in the piece has even a shred of character." ■ , ' - _ "I used to feel a little mean at robbing beehives," said a tender-hearted farmer, " bat after thinking ib over 1 see that I am in the right. If ib wasn't for me taking the honey, all them bees would be out of work the whole of next summer." A wayside inn, standing on one of the old coach roads, is rapidly going to ruin. A traveller who stayed there one night) complained that the water came through the roof, and dripped on to his bed. To this the landlady replied, " All right, air, you can noon mend thab. You'll, find an umbrella in the corner by the clothes press.".