ODDS AND ENDS.

New Zealand Herald, Volume XXXI, Issue 9635, 6 October 1894, Page 3 (Supplement)

ODDS AND ENDS.

What a pity ib is that the quiet man has so few imitators.

Refuse to allow some men to impose on you, and they hate you for ever. If you want to bring out whab there is in a man give him a sea voyage. Every man has a idol, and if yon watch him a short time you will see him worship ib.

Wise men are going cheap these hard times, bub they never give themselves away. Whab is home without a mother The Emperor of China would like to try ib for a time.

A subscriber writes, asking the meaning of the " silent watches of the night." We answer with pleasure that they are those which the owners neglect to wind up before retiring. Father (solemnly): "This thrashing is going: to hurt me more than you, Napoleon." Napoleon (sympathetically): " Well, don'b be too rough on yourself, dad ; I ain't worth it."

" I don't see how you do ib," said the man who had caught the slow train. Oh, this ain't much speed for us to make," replied the conductor. " I meant how you keep the thin" from sliding backward on the up grades. Medical adviser: " Your circulation is very low—" Moribund editor : *' Circulation ! Wby, bless my soul, we put down 950,749 extra lasb week, and by 10 o'clock publishing day hadn't a copy leftnob a copy !" (And with a smile that was nob of this world, he turned his face to the wall and died). . Highwayman (to Mr. Levy, second-hand dealer in miscellaneous property): " Your money or your life." Mr. Levy: " Mine friendt, you gannob exbecb me to gif you my money for nodings, and mine life von'db do you no goob. Bub I tells you vot I vill do— vill buy dob bistol off you at a fair brice."

A young man was giving a graphic description of an escape from an enraged bull. "I iieized him by the tail," he exclaimed, *and there I was ! I was afraid to hold on, and I daren't let go." " Between the horns of a dilemma," ventured a lady. " Oh, no, I wasn't between the horns at all; audi besides, he wasn't) a dilemma. He was a bull f

Grandmother had jusb passed away, and the clergyman had been in to say a few words of comfort to the sorrowing granddaughter. " Ah, yea," said he, "we should nob grieve too much, considering the ripeness of years to which your grandmother had attained." "Anitber year, sir," said the sorrowing granddaughter, "an' we should w hae minded ib a bit, bub ib was provokin* to hae her deem' ab ninety-nine. We had so seb oor hearts on her beio' a cen-cen-~teirJQQ»jiu' noa—WTOi-e^'Ch