ODDS AND ENDS.

New Zealand Herald, Volume XXX, Issue 9307, 16 September 1893, Page 4 (Supplement)

ODDS AND ENDS.

"I thought you said you would neve* accept; Charlie," said Maude. "So I did, bub he put his arm around me when he proposed, and—well, I yielded to pressure," returned Ethel. Sybil: "Going to make a flower-bed here? Why, ib will spoil our tennis ground ?" Gardener "Well, that's the orders, miss. You see it's to be laid out for 'orticulture, nob for 'usbandry." Maud : " Ha asked me to marry him, but said ho had only a broken heart to offer me." Marie: " Did you accept him under those conditions?" Maud: "Yes; his bank account was intact." A scientific gentleman has had the blood of a live lamb introduced into his veins as a remedy for general debility. It is probable that there will be no unusual effect save an abnormal fondness for all girls named Mary. « The publication of weather predictions is of great benefit to the community. It enables the mean man to appear generous by promising to take his wife out on a pleasure trip the day when it is certain that a heavy rain will postpone the trip. A man who married a widow has invented a device to cure her of " eternally praising" her former husband. When she begins to descant on his noble qualities, this ingcniou number two merely says, " Poor dear man, how I wish he had nob died !" and the lady immediately begins to think of something else to talk about. Mistress : " Where are the rugs that were on the hall floor?" Bridgeb : " Oh, ma'am, I.made such a bargain for yees this morning. There was a rag pedlar came to the dure whin I was shakin' them rugs, an' he gave me the beautifullest hand-painted ornyment for the parlour, ma'am, for them old things, and took them off in his car-r-t.' An . everyday incident from life in Chicago —Employer : 14 You have called in answer to my advertisement requesting a typewriter? Are you married?" Applicant: "Yes, sir." Employer: "I am sorry. I prefer to employ a single lady. Applicant: " Oh,well, if I suit you in other respects, and you'll keep the position open for me for a few moments, I'll step out and get a divorce." A German and a Frenchman sat opposite each other at a table d'hote in a Swiss hotel. " You are a Frenchman, I suppose ?" inquired the German ab the commencement of the meal. " Yes," was the reply ; " b"® how did you manage to find, that out. "Because you eat so much bread," said the German. There was a long pause. When the dinner was over, the Frenchman in his turn questioned his vis-a-vis: " You are a German, I presume?" "To be sure) bull tell me, pray, how you made that discovery." " Because you ate 30 much thing," was the dry retort.