ODDS AND ENDS.

New Zealand Herald, Volume XXX, Issue 9229, 17 June 1893, Page 4 (Supplement)

ODDS AND ENDS.

The busy have no time for tears. Account him thy real friend who desires thy good rather than thy goodwill. A hen recently fell into a hob spring in Yellowstone Park. She laid boiled eggs for a week. Modern society overlooks a soiled reputation much more readily than it does soiled gloves. Why is fashionable society like a warmingpan! Because it is highly polished, bub very hollow. The wheel of fortune turns incessantly round, and who can say within himself "I shall today be uppermost.'^ A young woman in Chicago, who had lost her speech from a severe cold, had twenty offers of marriage in one week. A young doctor spends his leisure hours in practising on the cornet, and passers-by, thinking that amputation is going on inside, are deluded as to the number of the man's patients. "I can't imagine how you dislike work ; for me it is real enjoyment," said the father to his son. Yes, pa," was the guileless reuponse ; " but I don't want to give myself wholly up to pleasure." Johnny had been carefully raised ; anybody could see that. One day he sab upon his father's knee in a crowded streot car. A lady entered. " Madame," he said, as he rose to his feet, " take my seat." Dora (writing with hor new typewriting machine): "Well, May, I've written that. Is there anything else you wish to say ?" May No, nothing else; except, of course, excuse haste and bad pen." He: "I am rather in favour of the English than the American mode of spelling." She: " Yes ?" He : " Yes. indeed ! Take 'parlour,' for instance. Having 'u' in it makes all the difference in the world." " Hurry to the door, Mary, and let Mr. Smith in. He ha* rung twice." "That isn't Mr. Smith, it is the other young fentleman." "Well, wait a minute, then, must change the photographs on the mantel." First doctor : " You have been spreading the report that I have poisoned several people in this town. 1 want you to apologise." Second doctor; "Certainly. I don't hesitate to say that there are several people in this town whom you have not yeb poisoned. Hope you are satisfied now." The editor of a North Queensland contemporary baa hit upon a plan to keep subscriptions paid up, which is both unique and serviceable. Every time a delinquent subscriber is mentioned in the paper his «ame la inverted. For example, "souof uqof and his wife are spending a few days down at Brisbane." Every other subscriber understands what it means, and there is a fierce rush to get " right side* up" again. t "" ."■ ~