LOCAL GOSSIP.

New Zealand Herald, Volume XXX, Issue 9217, 3 June 1893, Page 1 (Supplement)

LOCAL GOSSIP.

* Let me havo audience for a word or two." — Shbknpfre. . It is always interesting to get behind the scenes in politics, and to know who does the wirepulling. The world does not always know who governs it. Curious discoveries have been made before this in New Zealand in regard to the moving forces of political life, and another of groat importance has now to be added. Mr. E. M. Smith, M.H.R. for Mew Plymouth, has been addressing his constituents, and he has divulged a secret which the colony was very anxious to know. There was a good deal of surprise at the confident way in which Mr. Seddon assumed the Premiership, and everybody thought that he must have been supported by some powerful influence, some strong assurance of assistance which had not yet been made manifest. Behold it now ! Mr. Seddon was strengthened in assuming the Premiership by a message from Mr. Smith. Mr. Smith has been addressing his constituents at New Plymouth, and ho was considerate enough to give the public the very words of his message to Mr. Seddon :—" Don't give way to any person. Your right is to be leader of the House and of the people." Thereupon, Mr. Seddon'a mind became calm, and he accepted office as the head of the Ministry. He no doubt felt the same assurance that the Duke of Wellington did just before the battle of Waterloo. The old story is that the Duke rode up to the British Army and said, "Is Tim Doolan in the ranks?'' "Sure, I am, General," said Tim. "Then lot the battle commence," »aid the Duke.

If ever there was a man who lost hi« chance to immortalise himself, it was Mr. Charles Kate?, the foreman of the grand jury at the Supreme Court the other day. He was opposed to returning a "no true bill " In the case of those persons indicted on account of the fatal result of the late glove fight. The jury argued the matter for hours, and the foreman urged them to adjourn till next morning, which would give them all an opportunity to read over the judge's charge, and calmly consider what their oaths placed them under an obligation to do. By this time it was becoming dark, and most of the jurors wanted to get away homo to their dinner or tea. But the leader of the knot opposed to the true bill calmly lighted the gas and declared that he and those who were with him would stay there all night rather than send the case for trial. Nothing would shake them from their demand that the bill should be thrown out at once.

Then came the one chance for Mr, Bates. He should have point-blank refused to sign the no true bill, and without that nothing could have been done. He could then have come into Court, and said:—"A majority of the grand jury have carried a resolution that I am to sign that indictment 'no true bill.' I refuse to do so, for these reasons—because I believe the case should be sent for trial ; because I believe no man can honestly come to any other conclusion ; because I believe my signature to ignoring the bill would be perjury to the oath I have taken ; because it would be contrary to the law as clearly laid down by your Honor. And if 1 have to go to gaol, because I will not do what I believe to bo against my oath, then to gaol I will go." What would the Judge have said? Above all, what would *iho people of Auckland hare said!

Some time since, Mr. Dibbs (a3 he was then), Premier of !New South Wales, thought it necessary that he should take a trip to England. He naked nobody's leave. The public were only asked to pay his expenses. That was all thoy wero supposed to have anything to do with. The only results which were visible to the public were that the gentleman who had left plain Mr. Dibbs, came back Sir George Dibbs, that while he was in England he did a considerable amount of banqueting, ami that in coming back through America he had an opportunity of using some strong language about Chicago and the United States in general. In the estimates now before the New South Wales Parliament i'KXX) was put down to cover the expenses of the Premier's tour, but as an opposition was threatened, the Premier and his friends had seriously to consider the position. The result was that the hat was sent round, the amount subscribed and paid into the Troasury, and the Premier announced that the item had been withdrawn from the estimates. All that can be said is that Sir George has some staunch and liberal frier and that money must not be so very .scarce in New South Wales after all. But then a Premier can so easily do good turns to those around him.

I notice that the world has been informed by cable message that the Pope lias made St. Peter the patron saint of the Church in England. Some people may look upon this as a papal encroachment, bub for my part I do not care if St. Peter were adopted as the patron saint of England instead of St. George. A friend who studied this subject told mo that St. George was a swindling army contractor, and that he never slew any dragon, for one reason, amongst others, that there never was a dragon to slay. But Peter wo all know. He was a good honest man, somewhat impulsive, it is true, and falling into mistakes occasionally. 1 have no doubt that, like another famous saint, he "came of dacent people."

Mr. R. A. Bullen, who addressed the Board of Education in regard to the incorrect English of the children attending school, writes to say, that in ascribing the evil to the many Irish and Scotch children, he limited the accusation to the uses of "shall " and " will." lie then proceeds :— " The assertion next made by you that the Irishman and Scotchman speak better English and stricter grammar than the Englishman of the same class, I flatly contest. It was my fortune to teach English subjectsgrammar, composition, and literature— in a London college, and I was brought into contact with many English, Scotch, and Irish students. As far as grammar went I found them all upon much the same level, nob the very highest; they would run—English and Scotch bracketed, the Irishman second, but the Englishman was always sound in his 'wills' and 'shalls.' In pronunciation the order was a little different, the Irishman taking the place of the Scotchman. My experience as regards exceptional differences was that the Highland Scotchman was better than the Lowlander, except when the latter came from the large cities; the Dublin Irishman of any education at all being better still. The few Welshmen I met were, as a whole, better than the Scotch and the Irish. The standard of reference for good English in all these cases was that of tho educated Londoner. This was following the rule with all languages : The educated Parisian speaks the standard French, with Tours, the old French capital,, sometimes thrown in ; the educated Berliner or Viennese uses what is recognised as tho best German, though Hanover is allowed an equal claim. Concerning your expressed preference for the Irishman or the Scotchman as a judge of English, I must again differ with you, though with all deference. If I did not go to an educated Englishman, I should prefer a colonial to the average Irishman or Scotchman. The dropping of the aspirate is still common among oldcountry people from all parts of the British isles, but the spread of popular education is doi away with this: the education line is now down so low that in the next generation there will bo no uneducated class, but only those uneducated, because unteachable, individuals to be found in all classes. The incorrect forms quoted by you are low grade dialect forms, English in type, and easily parodied from Scotch dialect forms by'Morcutio' himself, and bom Irish dialect forms by Tim Doolan." t 1

In comparison of nationalities, Mr. Bullen and I were on somewhat different ground. He speaks of bis experience in a London College. I was speaking of the ordinary 'talk of children as one hears it in the streets •ud.ab the.schools. Scotchmen and Irish-

men no doubt do make errors occasionally in respect to "shall" and "will," and in many cases it is difficult to distinguish when one or the other should be used. Mr. Bullen wrote about the language of the children now at school, and mentioned, as the cause of errors, Irish and Scotch children. But is an occasional error in regard to "shall" and "will" comparable for a moment with the awful brutality of speaking of a " oss."

After all that has been said and written about the modern propensity of womankind to imitate mankind, it appears to mo that this tendency is nob without its advantages, for the women aro now beginning to feel called upon to justify their actions—and even their fashions too— by some show of reason. As an illustration of this Lady Joune has even tried to show that the crinolino ought to be worn in order to give freer motion to her aex and to make unsightly figures sightly. Indeed it does seem to have the first of these advantages, but accompanying disadvantages far outweigh this; and for the first time I believe in the history of women's dress a budding fashion has been crushed out by reason and ridicule combined. I may be wrong, but my opinion is that a now fashion thatdocs not take like an epidemic of measles will never become general. Of course when one English establishment has some 30,000 crinolines in stock one can understand the great efforts which have been made to make that fearful piece of underclothing the rage. It speaks well for the common sense of tho Auckland ladies that not one victim to the crinoline complaint has as yet been seen upon our streets. The men may thank their stars for this, for in the weather we have been having lately it would not bo pleasant to have to walk in the middle of .he road, as we would surely would have todo if the crinoline became general. As for the trains and 'buses, we would never bo able to get in, or if wo did got in, how in the world would wo ever got out ?

I Of course reason and ridicule would l only affect the advanced wemen—the women who pride themselves upon their intellectual powers and their equality with man, and I have, therefore, wondered what has been holding the giddy gay girl of society back. I havo at length discovered the secret; it is nothing less than the fear of man. It is hard enough to get young men to balls and parties as it is without exasperating them by means of the crinoline. The decisive blow has been struck by the Anti-Crinoline Club' formed by some of the young men erf America, the rules of the order being strict, far-reach-ing, and yet under the circumstances quite justifiable. The principal laws laid down for the guidance of members are : No young man who joins the club will be permitted to escort any lady wearing a crinolino to a theatre, concert, euchre or dancing party, or any public or private entertainment whatever. No member will be permitted to call on any lady who receives her visitors in a hoop skirt. At social gatherings it is forbidden to members to dance or talk with any wearers of crinoline. Only the baldest greetings are permitted. Members meeting crinolined acquaintances in the streets are desired to become suddenly interested in the overhead wires. Then, in order to attack the abomination upon all sides at once, after showing the perils of adopting the crinoline, the club holds out special advantages to those young ladies who defy fashion in this matter. Those who refuse to wear either tho crinoline or steel in their skirts may become associates of the club, and as such are promised the special attentions of the members. They are to be taken for walks, rides, and drives, and to the theatre ; they are to bo regularly supplied with candy and chocolates, and their programmes aro to be always filled at the dances. The club does not promise each associate a husband, but still if with all these advantages she fails to secure one, it must be her own fault. Such a programme as this seems to me eminently calculated to strike terror into the hearts of the enemy, and the crinoline must go, or rather be prevented from coming.

Some weeks ago I referred to the possible revolution in tho methods of warfare which the invention of the bullet-proof cloth would bring about; but further information on the subject has convinced mo that the discovery is practically useless. Of course the composition of the material is a deadly secret; but if the readers of the New Zealand Herald promise to keep it very dark I will break the news to them even under the risk of being prosecuted as a spy. In the first place, the cloth is half an inch thick, and should therefore be very serviceable in cold climates ; but enough simply to cover the vital parts of the human body would weigh over six pounds, and therefore a man wearing a full suit for a day ought fairly to claim to have done a good day's work—in fact many would sooner run the risk of being shot. In the next place, let it bo told in a whisper, the cloth is composed of a mixture of hydraulicallypressed hemp, wire netting, and cement. Fancy a man wearing such a conglomeration for clothing. Why, it would be better for the comfort of soldiers for each man to be supplied with a donkey-cart carrying an iron shutter, which ho could place in front of him when tho enemy came within gunshot. After all, a man is knocked sense less every time a bullet strikes him, which is not very pleasant. One eminent military authority said that he would have considered the experiments more satisfactory had the inventor worn the jacket and allowed himself to be shot at. A similar bullet-proof uniform was onco submitted to the Duke of Wellington. Ho entered into the spirit of the thing at onco with the greatest sympathy, but the inventor vanished like a Mahatrna whon the Duke sent for two soldiers to fire at him as a test.

The reference to Mahatmas reminds me of Mr. Stead and his spook Julia, who uses his hand as a means of communication with the living. Mysterious .Julia has informed Stead that " the spook can use the real self of another, because all minds are in contact with each other throughout the universe, and you can always speak and address any person's mind wherever that person may be, if you more or less know that person. If you can speak to that person if you meet him in the flesh, you can also speak to him, and ask him to use your hand in whatever part of the world you may be." I confess I don't understand spook reasoning, and to me it seems autficiently difficult to test the contact of minds throughout this little planet of ours, leaving the universe alone. The universe is rather a big place ; bub what I intend to point out is the probable usefulness of the spook world in military tactics. If, for instance, Lord Wolseley had a Julia who would communicate bo him the plans running through the brain of an opposition leader, he ought certainly bo be ablo to score points. But then the difficulty arises of preventing tho other man from running a spook also ; otherwise, the fortune of war would be in a great measure decided by the possession of the smartest spook. My secret information as to the composition of the bullet-proof cloth, I think I may safely rnforra the Auckland public, was communicated to me by my spook, Jemima, " who uses my hand as a means of communication with the living," and I don't see why Jemima should not be believed as well as Julia. Jemima has evidently been using the real self of Herr Dowe, the poor tailor of Mannheim, who invented the cloth, and has annexed his secret. It hardly seems quite right, and in fact looks something like larceny, but spook morality is doubtless of a different order from ours. Perhaps it is just as well that ib is. I don't see why I should not run a spook as well as anyone else, unless I am content to be behind the timeswhich I am not. If anyone desires further information about Jemima Spook, I will be pleased to let them know what she may be pleased to use my hand to communicate. Mkroctio.