ODDS AND ENDS.

New Zealand Herald, Volume XXX, Issue 9157, 25 March 1893, Page 12 (Supplement)

ODDS AND ENDS.

The moneymoon is what they call it uow. Jusitice, according to the old Greek definition, is to tell the truth and to pay your debts. The quality of mercy may not be strained, but it) frequently manages somehow to get exceedingly thin. "Mercy '." cried Juliet. "This glove is tight." "I too should bo intoxicated," rapturously responded Romeo, "were I a glove upon that hand." Tom: "I wish that the days were longer." Murray: "Why?' Tom: "Because we might have time then to have ono more meal, you see." M'Kinley refuses to say a word about the Democratic victory to America. He thinks,. with Artamus Ward's Virginian, that "it ain't no use swearin', for he can't do juafcisa to the job." , . Why ought the future Poet-Laureate, whoever he may be, to occupy rooms over or close to the stables at Buckingham Palace? Because he would then be inspired by the Royal Mews. . Teacher: "I am pleased to notice that your daughter has grown very methodical since she has been with us." Mother: " Well, that all come- of sendin her to this 1 school. Me an' her pa hoped eho would be a Baptist." .... . „ " There is an enterprising American who 1 proposes to be sealed in a tight cylinder just before death to prevent the escape of his spirit in order that he may demonstrate its postmortem existence." If this proves a success it will give a great impetus to the canning industry. She : " A pretty time of night for you to come homo!" He: "A pretty time ot night for you to be awake !" She : J. ve stayed awake for the last four hours waiting for you to come home !" He : " • An , i have been keeping myself awake fcr the last four hours at the club waiting for you to go to sleep." .. At an election dinner lately a voter said ho had never received a bribe to the extent of a farthing. "Oh ! Smith, how can you say so?" observed another voter; "when I know that Mr. \V. sent you a hare. Ay, that's true enough ; but it was full of maggots." " Well, then," was the rejoinder " if it were not bribery it was corruption." " . ■ Two young roughs lately paid a visit to the Salvation Army Barracks at, Brooklyn, and, making themselves as obnoxious as possible, exclaimed, " We're waiting to see some miracles, sco !" A six-foot " soldier took both the loafers by the backs of their necks, and as lie helped them out remarked, " Wo don't perform miracles here, but we cast out devils." . Little girl (looking over advertising page): " Mamma, why do all these board-ing-houses object to children? *ono mamma : " I'm sure I don't know. Go see what the baby is yelling about, and ten Johnny to stop throwing things at people in the street, and make George and lvaio stop fighting, and tell Dick if he doesn stop banging that Chinese gong bo hard a take it away from him."