ENGLISH WIVES.

New Zealand Herald, Volume XXIX, Issue 9040, 19 November 1892, Page 2 (Supplement)

ENGLISH WIVES.

W HY DON'T YOUNG MEN MARRY T The Daily Telegraph has published letters on "English Wives," while the .Daily News is printing correspondence under the beading " Why Don't Young Men Marry?" We quote some of the letters ;—

Sir,—The great trouble with a great many English wives is when they have not got a servant nice ladys some of 'em are when they have got a slavey. I have lived with a good many, so I know. They don't like to get up early themselves, but can't they just ring the bell to wake Mary ! They are so vorry particulcr about masters breakfast being ready in good time that he may get off to business, and when he as fjone ring goes the bell again. They must lave their breakfast in bed bocaue they have got the headache. Then Mary must go to the library to get them a novef. It is wonderful, sir, what a good thing novels seems to be for the headache. Then they goes out for a walk with dear Mrs. Smith or dear Mrs. Brown, an' comes back to tea and a talkand they do talk. But when it is time for master to come home the visitor goes and the headache comes back. And aint their just a row if master don't come home when he ort. It is no good for him to say that he as been talking to Mr. Smith or Mr. Brown—he must have been doing something rong, he must. I tell you, sir, some of the English wives make verry cumfortable lives for themsolves.—Please excuse, yours truly, Mary Ann. Sir, —A sister of mine married, several years ago, a man whom wo thought fully returned her affection, and in every way capable of making her a good husband. Too soon we discovered we were mistaken. With the first baby the trouble began. He mado his wife a perfect slave, expecting to bewailed on for everything, never "thinking of the additional trouble the child made. The consequence is she is now thoroughly crushed and brokenhearted by his treatment of her. Only once in all the years they have been married do I remember him to have taken her out for a little pleasure, while day after day, month after month, she remains at home looking after his comforts ; and what does she got in return Not so much as a kind word, which costs nothing, but which to the overworked patient wife is worth infinitely more than all the gold he may give her. Men little think how much they have to answer for, and the difficulty is how are they to learn it. English girls are passionately fond of bright, cheerful home.'*; but, after all, what can you expect when the husband comes home from business only to sit with the paper before him and the supper, without one word as to how she has managed during the day, or to inquire after the little ones that she has put to bed early to be out of " dada's way." This is what deteriorates English wives. Before my sister married sho was a thoroughly good, domesticated, loving girl. But can you wonder if after years of such a life, longing in vain for a kind word or thoughtful action, she should rebel at last and neglect her household ? Husbands should remain lovers after marriage, and there would be fewer complaints.—am, sir, your obedient servant, L. W. Sir,—l was married fourteen years ago, and am the father of six children My wife was a thorough English girl. I can truly say these years have been the happiest period of my life. I feel sure that many wives are what men make them. I am a working man, and as I go about I see much of the misery of married life. I have seen wives counted as dogs. I should say it does not matter so much about what country they come from if they are only treated in a right manner. Men forget that it is God who joins them together, and, so forgetting, they take hold of opposite ends of the rope and tug away against one another all their lives. A man that cannot trust his wife with all cannot trust her with anything. I know many who give their poor miserable wives a certain sum and expect them to do everything for them, and then go off to the public house to enjoy themselves with the rest. Poor enjoyment.! Why not enjoy it at home and make their wives happy? It is this treatment that mars the good wives.—l am, sir, your obedient servant, A Working .Man.

SIR, —I am a girl, and know lots of other girls, and if they were really frank they would all tell you that if you want to get married you must always be fashionably dressed, accomplished in some showy way, an utter fool for anything useful, and an untiring huntress ; and then, after years, you will get married. If you are inexpensively dressed, and can only look after a household, make clothes, cook, and teach your little sisters, you remain single. I know lots of jolly girls like the last, but they don't get married. The conclusion is obvious, and I hope grumblers will acknowledge it.—l am, sir, your obedient servant, Aline.

Sir, A doctor's opinion is often sought, in a half-diffident way, by a young man who chances to consult him. " Would you advise me to marry is the last but weightiest inquiry. My reply is mostly, "Yes. But on a subject involving your own future excuse my going a little outside my medical province. Men are mostly attracted before marriage by that which I may call the confectionery of womanhood. Give less regard to tho degree in which a girl makes herself agreeable to yourself. Notice whether she is intelligently helpful to any who render her little in return—it may be a poor querulous grandparent. She who does this comes of heaven, and, provided she possesses average womanly attractions, will bring heaven into married life. Do not wait to fall in love with her. As another safeguard, ask the opinion of your own womenkind— of women about a woman—making a little allowance for adverse womanly prejudice." Tho fair sex naturally do not seek tho doctor's advice on this subject. If they did, converse advice, with some modification as to the breadwinners, might be ventured upon. There is a '* ha'porth" of comedy, sir, but an intolerable deal of tragedy behind your correspondence.— l am, sir, your obedient servant, M.D.

"H.M.8." has something to say in praise of tho Australian girl. Ho writes : — " 1 have been waiting for some more able pen than mine to champion the cause of my Australian sisters ; but I cannot wait longer and have them left in the cold, seeing that as wives they are so superior to those of any other part of the world. The Australian girl is English in an improved form. She is descended from tho best class of English, Irish, and Scotch people, who emigrated and have inter-married, with the result that the present generation of Australian girls possess every virtue that goes to make a model wife. Every one of them can cook and keep house, as a matter of course, hired domestic labour being very expensive and unmanageable. They do not sot the conventionalities on such a high Eedestal as their English sisters, the result oing more freedom of manner and natural affection. At outdoor exercises they can give the women of other nations points. They may not bo so highly educated as old country girls, but they are generally educated enough to go anywhere, and hold their own as ladies. As regards personal charms, which go a long way with most men, it would bo hard to rival them. I have no doubt that bhero are many charming women in Great Britain, bub they are the exception. With us they are the rule. If any man wishes to live an ideal lite 1 should advise him to go to the sunny south and marry one of her daughters, who will keep house for him in the most approved sbyle, enter with spirit into his sports, and be always bright, happy, and contented whatever her position in lifo may be. Taking Australian girls all round, you can't beat them."

A correspondent who signs himself " DfoillußionneV' writes in the Daily News of September 3:—"As a married man of ton years' standing, I imagine that one reason that young men don't marry is that they hoar our moanings and aro scared like the cattle in a slaughter-house. Here are my experiences, which I suppose are not uncommon at the present day. My wife does not take any trouble about cookery, except seemingly to make it a point never to have any old-fashioned plain dish for which I express a liking. I darn my own socks and .'mend' my own linen. She won't do it, get it done, or even allow it to be done, as happened some time ago when a needlewoman was in the house and I wanted about fifteen minutes' work. She boasts of her music, but never yet played a simple melody for me. She has about eight pieces musical gymnastics, and in ten years I have heard nothing else. When we went to the theatre it was dross stalls, etc., and Ji 3 returning a constant whine at the heat, the crash, or the cab's jolting;

and that in a tone that implied that I was guilty of all. When 1 asked to invite a friend of twenty-five years' standing, a barrister and moral man, she refused ho wasn't a gentleman,'- etc., and then she wanted me to invito men she knew, but whose morality I knew to be shady. She overdrove the willing horse. All women do. So that now the opening of the piano id the signal 1 for me to light the pipe, and I gave up theatres after two years. I am of poor sight, and can scarcely read by gaslight, yet if I asked for a game of carols, etc., it is 'I am tired.' She then goes to bed and reads French novels, which f would not consider fit for me. For making remarks on the pretentiousness of one ofner 'Amends' she twice insulted my dead father's memory, and when I lost health and a part of my means she flung my poverty in my face. As long as a man can draw cheques for sealskins and satins it is all right, but when the wolf comes to the door love (if it ever existed) flies out of the window. Young men see and hear of these things, and wisely draw their own conclusions."

Here is another side of the picture presented in the correspondence in the Daily News of September 6. Ibis from a gentleman who joyfully signs himsolf "Twice Married": —"l have been a bachelor, a husband, a widower, and am now a happy married man for the second time in a life of thirty-five years. I married at twenty-nine, and wish 1 had married at nineteen. I would have been far happier than I have been. I picked up my first wife in a peculiar way. I was travelling on a 'bus, and was finishing a cigar. I asked the young lady who came and sat beside me if she objected to ray smoking. 'Certainly not, cir.' We after this frequently rode on the same 'bus. She was a governess. We frequently conversed, and there was always a modest, quiet manner with her. I some weeks after was invited to the house of a friend to dinner, and to my surprise there mot the young lady. The lady introduced me to her, and we soon got on intimate terms. After dinner I heard this young lady was receiving £45 a year for teaching my friend's children, that she went to evening parties and played the piano for £1 Is a night, and that she was the sole support of a mothor and a little sister. That winter the mother died, and I married the young lady. Wo lived most happily, and I was as comfortable as I could be when death took her from me. I had adopted her little sister, and loved the little thing. I wanted a wife, and looked out for one. I was about paying my addresses to a young lady, when she one day became irate with an acquaintance, and in anger said : ' You ought to remember you are a governess.' These words banished all admiration from me. My visits fell off. By accident I mot the governess in question at the seaside last Easter. Slio was visiting a lady us companion for a week. The lady was old and very exacting. I happened to journey back to Victoria in the same train. The lady tried to show off and make the governess feel her inferiority (?) The poor girl bore it. well. A month after We were married. She is ..a gem of a wife, and a kind foster-mother to my adopted child. " P.S.— I may say I live bettor and cheaper married and paying £55 rent, than I did when I was unmarried and paid £2 2s a week for my furnished rooms, and extra for my meals, such as they were."