ODDS AND ENDS.

New Zealand Herald, Volume XXVIII, Issue 8682, 26 September 1891, Page 4 (Supplement)

ODDS AND ENDS.

The ladies, bless them, fairly revel in th< " Sweet buy and buy." For getting on in the world a cheery laugh is a valuable ally. It is when a man is getting over the effects of whisky that he is inclined to end his daze. ~ " What) were your husband's last word? . "He hadn't any," sobbed the widow ; "I was with him." . Sumway : "Is this Miss Scadds you speak of beautiful ?" Hunker : "Is she beautiiuH Why, sir, I never saw a car so crowded tins she couldn't get a seat in." _ Patient, weary of waiting in fashionable physican's anti-room, to servant: "Go and toll Dr. X. that if ho can't sco me wit. five minutes I shall get quite well.' V Bertie," said the Queen to the Prince, " you do gamble. I have proof. Here, sit, is a poker chip I found in your Packet. "Nonsense, ma," said the Prince. "I*B been playing tiddledywinks with Battenberg's babies." . _ . , There is no reform' more imperative than that which has for a motto, " Give to ever* pirl the means of earning her own livingWill the women who labour for the advancement of their own sex give this subject more earnest attention ? " Mr. Jones, don't you think women are more sensible than men?'' asked Mrs. Srm^. And Jones, after scratching his bump for a moment or two, said: ' >> ')» certainly they are. They marry men, a" men only marry women." . , A wag of a schoolboy was asked in t" early part of the year to write an ' l l', e spring. He commenced as follows :— | _ trees will begin to get their spring clot isout of their trunks before long and com their bare limbs with them." , , Tommy's mamma (_s Tommy bursts out crying): "What is the matter.. Tommy: "I hurt myself this afternoon. Tommy's mamma: "Why didn't yon c " then instead of now ?" Tommy : 1 I was busy. I was playin' with ire y then." , >nl , . "So you haven't made Smudgcr v partner after all, eh?" "No, and 11 1 you why. Smudger was engaged to . wife before I married her, and I don t lieve in becoming too friendly with a 'J ■ who has proved himself more wide-ii"' than I am." .. ( Insurance company manager (toapp lu - 1 for position): " But why do you_des're ■ outdoor position particularly ? "01 ' n not be willing to take a place in my , j office here? A vacancy that I think v be suitable exists just at present. , Dudell (just broke looso from CllC .° J " Weller—ye know, sitting at a de- '' day would make a fella's twousers b,I S wibly at the knee; don't che find it soj self, now?" .j A person charged with an aggravate. ° fence, coming for trial before ustice» • brought forward a number of witness his good reputation, and the 3 IU c , Cl>> asked to refer in his charge to this evi> t _____ Ha complied in the following tei a "Gentlemen, lam requested to c M.j c h attention to the prisoner's character, t has been spoken of by gentlemen, j not, of the greatest rcspectabi l J ' t | l6 veracity. If you believe their., am • * t0 witnesses for the prosecution, it api ' |lS - me that they have established what ■ persons may seem incredible— }- . t even a man of piety and virtue, oto the position of Bible-reader and ► .■„ school teacher, may be guilty of com _ a heinous and grossly immoral crime-