LOCAL GOSSIP.

New Zealand Herald, Volume XXVIII, Issue 8580, 30 May 1891, Page 1 (Supplement)

LOCAL GOSSIP.

••Let me have audience f.w a word or two." ':;:.'■- Shakespere.': I wonder if anybody is compiling a "Greyiana"—a work consisting of anecdotes 1 about SiiyGeorge Grey, giving speci-. mens of bis peculiar kinds' of chaff, his repartees, his unique style of dealing with inconvenient questions, and so on. Such a work ought to be undertaken for the sake of posterity, or, perhaps, it would bo more appropriate to say, for " the benefit of the unborn millions." If the work is not done, then the world will suffer a loss, for, assuredly, Sir George Grey has been absolutely X unequalled ;: in -history, in his own peculiar way — a/way which is quite unique. Sir George does not follow Voltaire, or Talleyrand, or Disraeli, or Palmerston, or any sayer of good things in ancient or modern times, bub has a way quite of bis own. , ■■■■• ■' ■■•• ■■■ ; •■■:

An example occurs to me at the present moment, and, as it might be lost if I did ' not record it, I will put it in print for the 'benefit of the editor of "Greyiana." Once upon a time, somewhere, indeed, about 2&75, Sir George Grey was Premier. Things were not going well. The business was not getting on /" smoothly /in' the House, and there was by no means perfect harmony in the Cabinet. The other Ministers thought Sir George Grey was to blame, and he thought they were to blame. The country thought both were very much to blame. It was said afterwards in the House by Mr. Header ■ Wood that Mr. Sheehan had lived the life of a Sardanapalus at the public expense, while Mr. Macandrew had muddled away two millions without knowing it. Ministers did not seem to suit each other at ; all, and no one could ever have mistaken them for a happy family. I will never forget the look of pious horror that came over the face '• of that douce, honest man,' James Macandrew, when one Sunday evening he was walking down Hobson-street, in .Wellington,'and, the sounds of piano-playing reaching him from the official residence of the Native Minister. 'He seemed to think that an earthquake would come and swallow up the whole city. ,

*;v However, Ministers believed that they were losing ground ' owing ?entirely. to ; Sir George Grey, and they plotted till they thought .they saw a way :by which, if Sir George Grey sent in his resignation, they could make up another team, and go on /.in a ; somewhat different line. At last they agreed that one of i them should see Sir George and frankly and straightforwardly ask him to resign. ; And here, just emphatically to mark: the situation, I must recall- to; : , the memories of my readers an ancient apologue: —Once upon a- time, C the i mice in a . certain place were being decimated by 'L, a huge, ,;: ferocious, and hungry . cat. The surviving mice met in couricili and ;they resolved unanimously that unless something was done at once they would be exterminated. That was all' right so far. .The next; step puzzled them considerably, but at. length it was agreed, on the proposal of a sagacious mouse, that ;■-,'■ someone should: put a bell round the neck r of the cat, so that when it was near at hand they 'could all clear away. The proposal, ■vras carried with' acclamation and all was - joyful till it occurred to some , reflective r mouse to ask, " Who is to bell the cat >■■'■ Sir George Grey's colleagues were in exactly the same .■ position. They all thought the business should be done, but each thought . that some' other'. body should : do' it. : Mr. '••\ Sheehan said he was bub a young man, and could hob undertake the task; Mr. Macandrew said - he '■■''■ was a Scotchman, and too ..'•': blunt of speech. Indeed, they ; all made ■■:'■■ excuses. : At. length Sir George Whitmore was pounced upon. He was a knight, he was in the Upper House/ and out of the turmoil of the representatives of the people. After a long delay Sir George Whitmore undertook that he would bell the cat:, , Scene : Sir George Grey in the Premier's ; room. He surmises the whole plot.: Enter Sir G. S. Whitmore, a little nervous and J flustered, : bub determined. ; Sir George Grey speaks :■; "Ah, Whitmore ! 'how are you to-day'? Glad to „ see you. ; Pray be ! seated, and let us have a chat. ; Isn't that a (very pretty flower ? I don't know really •v whether that is not a better bloom than I could show you in .my garden at . the Kawau. It is really wonderful how they s got i some '; flowers ' to: grow - in .. Wellington. By the way, what is the "-. best news from the East Coast ? Are you going to have a good lambing season on ■; your stations ? When I first saw that East Coast district forty years ago," and so on. At length Sir G. Whitmore breaks in : *! Well, Sir George, I just came/ here at the present time to let you know that the Ministry is losing the confidence of the country and of the House. We have had a talk over the,' whole subject — Macandrew, Eisher, ~S heehan, and the others, and we all think —indeed, ■we are of one opinion on the subject—that you should—you should— sign, in fact. • You see we have lost Blank. and Blank, and it is said that Blank and 5 Blank also are going. We think ib .would be better, on the whole, ahd for the sake of the country, that you should resign." Sir George Grey : "Ah, mydepr Whitmore, how grateful I am' to you for this honest and frank expression of your opinion to your old friend. vls it, indeed, the case ! that my allies are deserting me?" .■';-*■":. Whitmore : "It is, indeed, Sir George." :: : Grey : " There, Whitmore, you will do what I ask you, won't you ?" ? Sir George Grey here took up a sheet of foolscap and a pen, and pushed them over to Sir George Whitmore, saying : " If ibis so,' and I am to fall deserted by my political associates, I should be so grieved to drag you down 'with me. Pray, just write out your resignation. ;; : Ah, dear Whitmore, your ; attachment and friendship touch my heart." •"• • ' 5»- This was rather too much, for if Whitmore; sent in his resignation, leaving Sir George Grey still in office, he -became a political nonentity from henceforth. -'■ - Whitmore : " No, Sir George, never ! ; Do you imagine for one moment that, although your supporters may leave you, I will desert you ? ; Perish the thought! " ' -.■! Grey : " Really,//Whitmore, this is too : much. The manifestation of such genuine friendship quite upsets me. lam so sorry that I am:; very busy to-day. ' Good-bye, Whitmore, good-bye !" Thus ended Sir George Whibmore's bold effort to bell the cat.; ■•■•.-: ; .J

A gentleman who made some short stay in Auckland a year or two ago, Mr. PhilRobinson, has come to grief in Loudon, where he was editing the Sunday Times, because he took to speculating on how much the Prince of Wales was indebted, how his debts had been incurred, and what it would require to clear Sandringt ham from the ever-growing mortgages that cling to it. Since the baccarat case came to the front a dead set has been made at the Prince by those watch-dogs of public morals, the editors of newspapers. , A clergyman or two have had their say in i ; a quiet way, but the editors have completely outdistanced them, and have gone on what the Americans call "the high moral ticket" _ with a vengeance. The ' Prince, with his accustomed good nature, bore it all for a time; but the Sunday Times, with the seraphic and immaculate Phil Kobinson wielding the pen, was too much for him. It is clear, however, that the Prince has an unhappy knack of getting into bad company, and for* that a remedy i■■■:■ must' be found. Could it not be managed to send him out to New Zealand to fulfil a * term as Governor ? j: He would get used in that way ■to some of the functions of loyalty.- He would get into the habit of consulting bis " "responsible advisers." i' Ballance, Seddon, Cadman, and Mackenzie -would improve his manners ; while I have no doubt that the newspaper editors of the colony would, as a body, take his morals in „ charge. > -. ' The Rev. Mr. Berry. last Sunday dealt severely with the sin of gambling. He also spoke of late instances of embezzlement, i. and said:—"The fact was that this gam- . ,' bling spirit had honeycombed our society, and largely destroyed the sense of moral responsibility in reference to money." He '- -1 i '■'i'.\:''. ' - ' ' • '■•

is just a little, astray here. The most conspicuous : instances of dishonesty in money matters we < have lately had have been by men whose most intimate associations were with churches, who were never seen on a racecourse, and "who" would have been "as forcible as Mr. Berry in abjuring the turf and all that belongs to it.

Some time ago, when Premier Ballance was being banqueted at Wanganui, a would-be wag lent a confirmed _" boozer " a dress suit, gave him a guinea ticket, and sent* him ' to the aforesaid banquet in the hope : that when: the aforesaid boozer got "tight" he would kick up a row. The boozer, however, behaved himself very well at the spread, but; the next day he pawned the dress suit, sent the ticket to the owner, and went on a howling bust. Pcdmam qui, etc. :!.:. ;: '"':^ : -.>'-. ; " ;; ;■

A lady writes to me "with 'jfjjard to the time some female appi or-lijoes have. to wort;. She says : — "■ ■.

There is a great deal written ia colonial and European uewspapeis on the subject of the working hours of a labouring man. But in your city of Auckland apprentices are sometimes' worked for twenty, twenty-four, and even twenty-six hours at a time. They are afraid to complain for fear of losing their work, and running the risk of becoming a burden upon'; parents ill able to support them. Are there no laws to restrain employers from SO oppressing those who are not yet full grown ?;? I well remember the condition of the labouring classes in England thirty years ago, but there were doctors appointed by Government who visited factories unawares, and for the; oppression of ,the young employers were heavily lined. Ido not wish to write to the ■ papers, but I thought that if I wrote to | you and said I was prepared to prove the truth of -my statement, you would have the goodness to help towards having this matter discussed.

I know there are some employers in Auckland who are capable of doing anything to their employes, and who neither fear God nor ; regard man, i. but withal I have not heard of such hours being worked in this city. • If. the statement bo a true one as regards any, apprentice, I would advise the complainant to interview Sergeant Gamble, Inspector of Factories, who is specially appointed to see that young persons eugaged as apprentices are treated in a humane and reasonable manner. v

Some of the Southern newspapers are already, on the very threshold of the football season, calling attention to the fact that gambling and betting are in some localities threatening the game with disrepute, and if a reform is not effected, will extinguish a source of public ;pleasure. When those birds of prey, the betting fraternity,' begin to haunt the grounds on the very first day of a season, and lay i to 1, and even 10 to I on a particular team, it needs no prophetic mantle to predict that Ichabod ■ will ■ soon "be written on what should be a ; manly and innocent game. These gentry do not give such odds on the first game of a season, with no data to judge from, without its being pretty certain that they know- how matters will eventuate.; The Otago Times says : —

We have no hesitation in saying that we look upon the intrusion of the money element in football :as the. greatest danger which threatens it. When the quasi-professional player and the professional bookmaker make their appearance on the scene, a long farewell may be .bidden to honest, fair, and healthy rivalry, and footballers .will play ; to " empty benches.".; The public is willing ; to be pleased, and will gladly patronise exhibitions of pluck, endurance, and skill, but the experience of football last season in Melbourne should be a 'warning that it is quick to resent swindling, and docs so in the most effectual manner by simply staying away and cutting off .■supplies. 1 : '■ There can be little doubt football is doomed unless it be speedily purified. '

There is a, good story going.: the., rounds concerning an intelligent constable in one of our colonial towns. He was on night duty, and a toper had fallen over a wharf. Neither, the.loafer nor the constable could swim." '■•AshfbHe'?loafer went v down for the last time the officer called out, 'V What is your name arid address?" He wanted the information for his report!.\ ;

'■:■•'; The Grand* Old Book says (that - " the liberal soul deviseth liberal things." I was reminded of that by reading an advertisement in the.local.papers the other day, as follows : —"Wanted, a clerk ; salary £39 a-year. A premium required." Talcing one consideration with another, more especially ''•■ the ; premium, 1 would say to the advertiser: ;.i " Old man, make it forty."

i f This week I heard a story which furnishes grave food ; for reflection. A medico had' been attending a patient, and in due season, for such ; things will happen, ; the patient turned up his toes. The bereaved relations were new to the city and its ways, and the medico in the kindness of his heart kindly suggested the name of an undertaker ;.: to gave, them- trouble in running about. : To his . astonishment some short time , afterwards he received an envelope, containing a note and 7s 6d, from the undertaker. The writer said he understood he 'was indebted to the medico's kindly reference for; the undertaking of the funeral. V He had much pleasure in forwarding the above sum as commission to the doctor, and in future the same commission would ,be forwarded for a like recommendation; , The doctor said, in apostolic language,, to the undertaker, "Thy money perish with thee ;'•'. but the incident opens up a now world to me. I shall never see the doctor in the house now, or making a call, without suspecting that he has got a commission from an undertaker up his sleeve.

Mr. W. H. Poole, director of Madame Patey's concerts, is .a pleasant, genial, rotund elderly gentleman, whoso mind is a veritable storehouse of information on all that relates to music and musicians. He has lived all his life in the delicious atmosphere of the world of song, and has known every artiste of note who lias appeared before the public during the past half century. He took part in the first performance of " The Elijah" forty-five years ago, and can tell interesting' reminiscences of the great singers of those days. Forty-nine years ago he and Mr. Trimnell, the organist (late of St. Mary's, Parnell), were chorister boys together, and singularly enough have not met each other since then.. But Mr. Poole is interesting apart -from his musical associations. ; He is the father of a family of 21 children, and;although twice married has only had one wife, a statement which is apt to mystify one until he explains that he was first married at Gretna Green (it was a runaway match,' of course), and that on: the bride's parents learning of the fact they insisted on the youthful husband returning and going through the marriage ; ceremony again in Carlisle Cathedral. ■■'- Mekcutio.