"IS MARRIAGE A FAILURE?"

New Zealand Herald, Volume XXV, Issue 9242, 20 December 1888, Page 3

"IS MARRIAGE A FAILURE?"

TO THE EDITOR. Sir,—lf the above subject* is not quito exhausted, I should like to express some of my views as briefly as possible, through the medium of your valuable paper. 1 have hitherto not taken much interest in the discussion of a question apparently so momentous to many persons, as I think that the failure or success of marriage, like that- of most other things in life, depends very much on what we ourselves make it; and I think Mrs. Mona Caird might have found some happier way of displaying her philanthropic feelings towards the rest of her sex than endeavouring to stir them up to discontent and strife. However, I read in your paper of the Stli instant, a letter signed "A Wife." and, though I do nob wish to engage in any controversy about the matter, I do think your correspondetitVassertion that " Io3 r al wives find marriage a failure " is rather a sweeping one. There are I know plenty of bad husbands, more I fear than there are bad wives ; but I trust that there are quite as many good ones. . There certainly are a great many unhappy marriages nowadays, and our marriage laws might perhaps admito of a few slight modifications, but these would have to be made very carefully and judiciously, and would I think hardly bo required, if people would only think before marrying how such a step will make or mar their life's happiness, and, therefore, ought to bo carefully considered before it is undertaken. How many persons we see rush blindly into marriage, without tho slightest knowledge of each other's temperaments, or whether they are likely to prova suitable partners for life! Then a good many marry persons whom they aro perfectly aware are violent - tempered, drunkards, or spendthrifts, with a hope that they will reform after marriage, which of course they hardly ever do. I tnink, too, that a great number of our giris marry before they can be said to have come to years of discretion, and are really far too young to know their own minds. How often do we hear of the damsel of seventeen

vowing thab nothLng shall over induce her to give up her beloved Leander, and yet if wise parents, instead oi forbidding the unsuitable match, -which course would only strengthen her determination, mildly insist on a couple of years' probation, in many cases before these years are ended she is astonished and disgusted to think she could ever have imagined that she loved such a man. The girl who has jusb left school, too, is in every way incapable to assume the charge of a household, and we all know that a well-managed home is very essential to the happiness of a married man. The woman who marries at the present day without a knowledge of housekeeping, is much to be pitied, and so is her husband. A considerable number of women, I fear, marry simply for homes, and accept men for whom they have no warmer feeling* than a very moderate regard or even toleration ; they are foolishly afraid that they may have to remain single, and become old maids. The single woman, if she misses a good deal of happiness, misses also a greab many cares and troubles; and how many happy, good old maids there are, beloved by all around them, and the .world is better for their kindly presence. A good many people, even those who have married for love, seem to find life after marriage, rather disappointing; they are not so nappy as they expected to be. 'Well, is realisation ever quite equal to anticipation ? Married life, especially on the parb of women, is one full of self-denial, which, unless there be true and lasting affection, is very hard to practice. And husbands, even the best of them, are never quite the same as lovers. We naturally miss in our husbands the many nice little attentions they paid us before marriage, which fall off a good deal afterwards ; bub I do nob think men imagine how much store women set by little things. I believe it is hardly possiblo for the rather phlegmatic nature of man quite to understand the demonstrative disposition of woman. We love excitement, and arc sometimes inclined to prefer even an occasional storm to the prosaic calm of every-day life. Now, there is nothing a, man detests like a scene, so it is best to avoid one, however great the temptation may be to rouse him a little out of his usual state of apparent apathy, underneath which, however, I am convinced there lies a good deal of feeling, though perhaps its seldom comes to the surface. I believe that if a woman loves her husband, and tries her best to make him happy, attends well to his creaturecomforts (which are to him of considerable importance), and does nob worry him in any way, but endeavours to fulfil her duties as a wife quietly, cheerfully, and lovingly, she will not find marriage such a failure after all.—l am, &c, Axothee Wife.