LOCAL GOSSIP.

New Zealand Herald, Volume XXIV, Issue 8056, 17 September 1887, Page 1 (Supplement)

LOCAL GOSSIP.

'Let me have audience for a word m two.* w_ v „ , , . ~ ''P*re - . Ball*. OK used to hold It up 88 the beat certificate of good character to himself and his Government, that they were supported by the voice of all the Maori members. It was the first time, he said, that I._ j , t . , . ... this had ever occurred, and he claimed it as a triumphant testimony to their skill and statesmanship. But what will he say now, when the Maori members are all against them ? For my own part, I have not much faith in the argument either one way or the other. The Maoris are to be had, and sometimes are able to put their price very high. Our friend Sydney will have a grand opportunity for displaying his talents for intrigue. The Maori members have been elected as declared opponents of this Government, but don't let the Opposition fancy that they have them. They are quite willing to go against the Government, but they will require to know a few things before they walk into tha Opposition lobby.

On last Sunday morning, the Rev. Mr. Chew devoted a long statement to a few remarks I bad made about an occurrence which had taken place in his congregation as to whether it was right and proper for his daughters to be present at a party at which there was dancing. Mr. Chew was anxious to remove the impression, whioh 1 admit might have been gathered from my re marks, that there had been something like contention between him and one or two of the deacons on the subject. In this he was quite right. But, for the rest, his discourse was pretty much "about and about it," and left his hearers still in doubt as to the facts and his opinions. It seems that two of the deacons did go to him and state their objections to two of his daughters attending a party at the house of one of the members of the congregation where there was dancing kept up till naif-past nine o'clock. I don't know what Mr. Ctiew said to them ; but, if I had been in his place, I would have said, " My dear Christian brothers, I am much obliged to you for your solicitude as to how my family shall be regulated ; but, as a man of years and experience, as a minister of long stauding, 1 ought to be able to form an opinion on the question of whether or not a Christian can dance ; and, as the father of these young ladies, 1 can surely be trusted to regulate my own household. You will, therelore, oblige me by—minding your own business." Such a reply would have beeu religious, courteous, aud pointed. I believe the deacons in questions contrast the sin of dancing with the innocent religious exercise of kiss iu-the-ring, so great a favourite at Sunday-school picnics. Now, why should dancing waltzes and quadrilles be considered siuful, while kiss-in-the-ring has a religious and pious flavour abont it? Will people of commoi)Beuße be disposed to associate themselves with a religious body when they are likely to become subject to espionage and criticism, and to being looked upon as gross sinners because they allow their young people to enjoy a dance occasionally ?

I see there is a clamour getting up in some quarters that the Government should pro claim a holiday on Monday, the '26th, when the free and independent (and intelligent) are to record their votes. Surely this is downright nonsense. Ninety-nine out of every hundred voters will have to record their votes in the localities in which they live, and, as the polls are open to a late hour in the evening, no man will be prevented from voting by business. Surely there is enough waste by holidays without any more. The Government have also been importuned to run cheap fares on that day, so as to enable people who have votes tor property away from where they live to record them at very Bniall expense. I don't believe in this either. Those who are fortunate enough to have possessions in different electorates ought to be able to pay their railway fares.

I hare very grave doubts as to whether there has Dot been a cruel muddle over this trial for perjury, which has occupied the Supreme Court for so long. To begin with, I think when a judge orders the prosecution of a witness for perjury, and directs his prosecution, he ought, it possible, to leave the hearing of the case to some other judge. There was abundant ami fitting opportunity for this in the present instance, but it was not taken advantage of. That there has been a grave miscarriage of justice somewhere in this business is the impression of many who are well able to farm an opinion.

Mr. O'Meagher, in seconding the vote of thanks and confidence in Mr. J. M. Sbera at the meeting of City West electors on Thursday night, rang in a pun which created roars of laughter. He was referring to the proposal to introduce Kaffir shearers to New Zealand, and said that surely that was unnecessary, as they had amongst them the most able Shera(r) in New Zealand. He failed, however, to carry tho simile to its legitimate issue, which is that an able shearer must have a lot of sheep to operate on.

A sailor on board one of the ships in the harbour, having something the matter with his knee, called in one of our local doctors. He pronounce:! it to be a gathering of water. The patient laughed contemptuously. " You know nothing about it, doctor." " Indeed. What do you mean ?" "It can't bo as you say. The thing's impossible." " Why?" "I have not tasted a drop of water for thirty years !" Collapse of the doctor.

11 We all know what we are, bat we don't know what we may be," must have been the reflection of that Southern farmer this week, who was leaving his district with a presentation as " a highly-esteemed fellow-citizen," when the accursed police, putting their noses where they were not wanted, run him in for a private still, and got him fined £100. The voice of the people is said to be the voice of God ; but, judged in that way, the old adage is sadly wanting, and, in this case, appears to have been excised.

There has been a lively controversy going on about "the skull and crossboneß" which were lauded on Mr. David Goldie the other evening ; and, as various skulls have been knocking about, according to Mr. J. P. King's letter, it appears they are playing a more important part now than when their owners were in the flesh, Mr. King says in his letter that he only got two skulls from Mr. Brassey—one of Stack the murderer the other, the identity is not known, but it is believed to be that of Stack when he was a boy. He also got "one dried human hand." Was this the < 'Id Colonial Hand ? It says much for Mr. Brass high sense of honour and honesty that, in his bankruptcy, he should have applied to have the skulls returned —being desirous that his creditors should have all the assets. He oould not give his creditors brains, and,therefore did the next beat —gave them skulls. I expect there was a stirring among the "dry bones " when the learned gentleman said he would go 20s in the pound. Mr. Goldie is somewhat puzzled as to who gave him the sepulchral gift; but he is, likely enough, fastening his suspicions on the wrong crowd. It was not them—they never had a Bkull to spare.

We are all expressing our belief at present that there is "a profound state of depression," but we take, as a community, the most singular way of manifesting that belief which could well be imagined. On Wednesday night there were three places of amusement open, embracing a variety entertainment, a fancy-dress ball, and tho Skating Rink. The total admission money for that single night's fun was over £250, to say nothing about the money for fancy costumes. The butcher, the baker, and the grocer will sing for this. Yet we "roar" about retrenchment in Government and at Wellington. Physician, heal thyself!

Last week I gave a specimen of the perils to which » parliamentary candidate may be

subjected. He had got to elect whether he would offend the people in the gully or the "big bug" on the hill, and was likely to have the votes of both parties slip through hi* hands. This week 1 was told a good story about a candidate who has the misfortune to own a public-House, and " a free one" at that. He declined to let his house be a "tied" one, and some of the brewers are now thirsting for his political gore. It is said to be about the only " free house" in Auckland. So completely has the net been thrown over hotel proprietors that even men owniug the hotels have covenanted themselves for a term of years for a bonus out of the right to supply their own houses with beer !

It it said the receiver is worse than the thief. Bat what shall be said of those who hang their wares outside their shops unprotected, a temptation to those who are poverty-stricken or criminally inclined ? During the week a woman named Eliza Hriclterton, a noted shop-lifter, was sent to gaol for six months for larceny of an ulster. Such was the force of habit that she lifted her eyebrows on hearing the Draoonio sentence, but the magistrate felt that he had not done badly.

The Waitoa gold deposit* hare been all the talk during the week. Queen-street has been in a simmer of excitement, and the very air has been redolent of the mining camp. We are on the eve of a big boom. Jones lays so, aud Jones ought to know. Ho is a sharebroker, and has been doing nothing for months. But while everybody has been talking about the VVaitoa gold find, a friend of mine with a turn for figures has been making an interesting calculation, the result of which is to prove that the wealth of Waitoa is simply fabulous. He has only dealt with the 300 acres from which the test samples wore taken, and basing his calculation on the supposition that the deposit is of a uniform depth of SO feet, and worth say £2 10s a ton, he finds that in the area named there are 15,631,111 tons, valued at thirty-nine million pounds 1 This, as Dominie Sampson would have said, is " Prodigious ! " It is enough to make us all turn prospectors,—for there may be, and no doubt there are, many Waitoas if we could only find them. Indeed, ever since I heard of the discovery on Mr. Smith's laud I have been occupying my spare moments in prospecting in my back yard ; »o, too, I regret to say, have my neighbours' fowls, confound them. But you say VVaitoa will soon be worked out. Not so fast, my friend. Thou hast not a calculating machine on thy shoulders. The deposit will likely enough be still unexhausted even on the 300 acres when I aud you and all of us have been forgotten by the* unborn generations. Supposing 400 tons a day are treated, the deposit would not be worked out until the year 2t535, or 751 years from now. We need not, therefore, be afraid of its giving out in our little day.

The watchhonse - keeper got quite a turn the other night. " Baud Bub," the fiddler, rushed into the statiuu. and taid " he had gone »nd done it this time." Inquiry elicited the fact that his mysterious language referred to hi« fiddle, which he said ho bad fallen upon over a kerbstone and bursted it up. The officer thought Bob was "drawing the loog buw," bat he produced his green bag and hauled forth his Straduarius, which certainly looked as if it had been abridged, aud the stuffing knocked out of it. Bob said that he would not have cared, but that the Hon. John Shuehan had given the fiddle to him as u keepsake on nis death-bed, and he thought the force, as lie had been in it in "the forties," would like to know. Could they repair it? The officer did not know; all be knew was that the force was more anxious to get out of "scrapes" than to get into them ; and Bob went out into the midnight air with the debris of the fiddle under his arm, feeling that the constable was " stringing" him.

It is aaid that one of the parliamentary candidates is greatly exercised over the £10 deposit, which is forfeited in case a certain number of votes are not polled. A hat levy is likely to be made. But another candidate ha* had hi* financial troubles also, though known as the champion mean candidate. He took a cab the other day, so so the story runs, and at the end of the journey atked the fare. " Two shillings," said the cabby. He pulled out a halt-crown and tendered it, the cabby had no sixpence in change, so he claimed hia half-crown back, and said he would pay it again. A few day* after cabby saw hia mark. " Tour fare, your honour." Puiiing out eighteenpence, he replied, " Tnis is all I have on me ; I'll pay you the sixpsuce some other tune, or have you again." The cabby thought a bird in the hand was worth two in the bush, so he took the eighteenpeace for his two shillings, but soliloquised, "he doesn't 'have me again. 1 "

A remarkable statement was made by a Waipa candidate at a public meeting at Kibikihi on Monday night last. Addressing the electors, he told tnem that young and inexperienced as he was in public matters other than those of couuty aua local Koad Boards, ha felt equal to any position in the Mate, and said that this was not his own opinion only, but that of those best competent to judgo, in proof of which he narrated the following : —Lio Medo, the phrenologist, who had visited Te .iwamuta, was subsequently lecturing at Otahuhu, and feeling the bumps of a gentleman on the stage, pronounced him a man of great ability ; " but," continued the professor, " the cleverest head I ever felt in my life, one fitted to fill the position of Premier or Governor of toe colony, was that of a storekeeper at Te Awamutu. There was a demand from the audience for his name. The professor declared he had forgotten it at the time, but would find it in bis memorandum book. He opened the book, said the candidate, and read the name of your bumble servant. This same gentleman, if returned, would make it hot for the poor rabbit inspectors. At Alexandra on the previous Saturday evening, if the report of the VVaikato Times is to be credited, the following choice morsel appears : —la answer to Mr. G. Finch's question, which, in the candidate's opinion, was the biggest nuisance, the rabbit inspectors or the rabbits, he replied : He thought that the settlers should be allowed to k'll them themselves. This reply baa caused more consternation among the rabbit inspectors than among the rabbits. Mkrcdtxo.