LOCAL GOSSIP.

New Zealand Herald, Volume XXI, Issue 7080, 26 July 1884, Page 1 (Supplement)

LOCAL GOSSIP.

11 Let ma hare »ndl«nc« to a word or tva.* • —Shalurtr*. v A dbowmhq man will catch at a straw, and a Parliamentary candidate who sees his ch*npe of beading the poll melt away into the limbo of irretrievable improbabilities will make a frantic olutoh at a "gossamer thread. This is what Mr. E. Shaw, one of the candidates for Te Aro, did. He saw the likelihood of his being elected grow small by degree* and nnbeantifally less. He piped his 'sweetest, bat the electors refused to dance j then he thnndered like Jove himself, bnt his bolts fell harmless. At last he grew frantic, and in his passionate despair be seised a gossamer thread, which he vainly, foolishly, idiotically, hoped wonld bear him to the longed-for Parliamentary haven. He denounced the appointment of Mr. D'Arcy Irvino to the post of Inspector of Agents in the Government Insurance Deartment aa a monstrous job 1 It wonld, he declared, send "a shock throughout tho colony." These be brave words, my masters. But they didn't cave him. Mr. Shaw waa not returned. Tho shock he predicted haa not come off. At all events, it haa not yet reached this part of the colony. It has got stuck fast somewhere about Te Aro. Or it may bs that the conntry is so used to shocks, especially in the neighbourhood of Wellington, that this one w*a not noticed. Bat why, it may it asked, should Mr. D'Arcy Irvine's appointment ciase Mr. Shaw to wax so fariouß ? Because that capable and thoroughly trustworthy officer has a father-in-law, and because that father-in-law is Mr. Mom, who was gnilty in tho eyes of Air. Shaw of the unpardonable crime of having "on almost the last day of tho sofsion turned round and voted with Major Atkinson on a most important question !" Mr. Shaw was horrified, if not "putriflcd" (to uso a.Garranlism) at such perfiny. Had Satan, he says, appeared robed as an archangel at a Salvation Army meeting no one could have been more surpiiscd. But surply it is carrying Greyism too (ar to make a young man responsible for tho political doings of his father-in-law. I

Daring the last week or two a good many .people bavo been up to their eyes in mud. The streets have been ia a disgraceful condition. . Ponsonby-road the other day was covered with seveuteen inches of abominable slush, and other thoroughfares have been almost as bad. Even Que<-n-atrret, of which we are all so proud, and which a local celebrity bas immortalised in satirical prose, has been divgracolul. To cross it was to perform a feat of rick leas daring. Wo aro all familiar with thosadly-suegestive heading in the papers "Lost in tbo Bash." I have been expecting eaoh morning to find it displaced by the liue " Lost in the Mud." But if no one has as yet beon Inst in it a good many have been stuck in it, which is perhaps quite as bad a fix to bo in The Counoil, as usual, are in a muddlo over tbo bosineen. They all agreo—their unanimity is indeed remarkable—that tbo state of the streets is •" shocking," snd having so agreod, they allow the subject to drop, and pnsj on to the next butinees. This is a convenient way of shelving ono's reiponsibilities. But unfortunately it docs not get rid of the mud. It is the duty of the Council to face this great mud qurstion—to grapple with it like inen, or rather scavengers, and in bhort to take it up. Thcro are a few new men in the Council. New brooms, we aro told, sweep cloan. There is a glorious chance for them to show what they can do. Lot them by all means sweep away.

What is the reason that the Vonsonby entrance to the Western Park has been cloied for ao long a titna ? This is not a conundrum, Mr. Town Clerk, but if you like yon can aruTver it.

" Friend after friend depart*." Thcro are not a few in Auckland who will learn with sorrow that Mr. Charle* Goodall, of Leeds, Yorkshire, has joined the gnat majority. When making a tour of the world a few years ago ho viiited Auckland, where he remained for some time, and during his sojourn hore he made the acquaintance of many and formed not a few friendships. It wai my privilego to know him intimately. The first speech I ever mado in company was in response to a toaat which be proposed, and with which he had coupled my name. That was many years ago, but I believe he is the first of all who were then assembled to shuffle off this mortal coiL He was a genial host, a firm friend, .and a pleatanb companion. Bo died after a short illness, on the 27th May, at the age ot 56.

Xhe English papers devote a good deal of space to the subject of Tawhioo's visit to England, and to the King and the Maoris generally, but readers of tbe Hxbald are far better posted up in tbe movements and doings of Hi* Majesty and bis confreres than the readers of the newspapers at Home, The day after the arrival of the Maoris the journals " went in"' fnr a lengthy description of tho strange visitors, and vamped up articles about the Maoris and theirgrievances, in which references to Captain Cook and Macaulay's New Zealander were fiequmt, but after that they contented themselves with brief paragraphs chronicling baldly the movements ot "tbe Embasiy." One of them considered it necessary to instruct the public in the proper pronunciation of the name of His Maori Majesty, but with indifferent success. "Tafeeio, in print," it said, "does not bear a very strong resemblance to Tawhiao, but if pronounced as here printed it will pass muster as a very fair specimen of Maori 'as she is spoke.'" I notice in the Standard a letter from a "John Bilton" informing the British public that "the Maory King is a teetotaller," and urging them "to try some other way of showing hospitality than that of offering this noble savage a beverage which, for good reasons, in tbe interests of his race he has renounced." John Hilton must be a very unsophisticated Londoner indeed. i

I have to apologise to Professor Aldia for having wrongly attributed to him the eolation which appeared last week of "that dreadful conaudrnm," as I have heard it described by those who oouldn't solve it. The Professor, as I have since had an opportunity of learning, writes a hand aa clear as copperplate, and lain not likely to mutakehia signature a sacond time. The other Professor Aldis has not come forward to establish his identity or to claim bis own solution, which inclines me to the belief that he probably intended me to fall into the error which I unwittingly did- However, all's well that ends wpJL 'Nobody has been very much hart. Fortunately in this case there is no pulcx, pedintry, or parody. ' Mr. Max. D. King, of Hawea, sends me the following interesting letter:— To Mercntlo.—l nolle® In jour last week's note thst an Amateur Parliament ha> b«cn started In Auckland. I have no doubt yon will be pleased to learn how we condnet tbe one we have here. Oar Speaker for tk» time being happens to be a 11 r. Parklnton, one of the Ilaniard reporters, and is well np to the forms of the' House. Onr flrit Ministry consisted of a lawyer, an auctioneer, an Ironmonger, a reporter, and a cinmlit—»ll good men. On en ad* verse motion, nsored by an Episcopalian minister, the Government were defeated. . Declining the Premiership of the new Ministry, aft»r be had been sent for by the Speaker, he persuaded another gentleman to take that po*ltlon, taking the port/olio of ColonialSecretary hlmielf. Tee other offices are Blled by a bink manager, a solicitor, a bookseller, and a storekeeper. Oar membership is over thirty. -On a new member Joining, be Is lnuoduoed, signs tho roll, and Jilaces the name of bis constltntncy opposite, and be s henceforth only known by that name in the llnuse. Oar best debate has been- on Federation. It Is better, to bare a few direct resolotions mixed np with tho Bills at first, otbsraiss it takes some Ume to reach the debating stsge. Ladles and genUsmen visitors attend In large numbers, and personalities | are held to be a misdemeanour, and In the Interests of the Parliament, most be kept down. Oar Bills are drawn no in correct Parliamentary style. We have not yst developed the Hansard, as mentioned in yoar last notes. We did think of having a redaction as to time, bnt we have a line drawn in the hall. Members outside this line are beyond the precincts, consequently It Is easy to give a long-winded speaksr the hint br thinning the House. The result of the polling in the Newtonelectorate shows that " working men candidates" are not yet wanted—in fact, ahead of the times. < Mr. Garrard does not afTeot to feel otherwise than that he has been deluded and deceived throughout— On* day sdored like Qoreb's calf. The next all pasht In pieces. Still he has the melanoholy satisfaction of knowing that 'Mr. J. ft. Grant has only polled naif as many votes as himself—Grant palling 1 (probably his own), while the great agitator polled 2. After votes of "thanks and confidence," s better result might hare been expected. Mr. Garrard prondly boasted that "he would strip the Peacock of his feathers," while instead he has himself been " pluoked." Such is life! .

Among the carious incident* oonuecled with the eleotioai'may bemeatioaed the followingA gentleman 'who' Want down to the Thames to bur a band, in the electoral oonteat dreamt, the night before tha election, that Colonel Fraaer had got a- majority of 7. Be left for Anoklsad before the polling was over, and on arrival hers enquired at the Herald Offioe aa to the result of the 1 polling at: the Thames. He vm rather >nr> prised to lesrn that Fraserbad got m over, his opponent by the number named in hie dream. In another case a candidate dreamt that he wai at the head of the poll; and, although be had on previous occasions been at the bottom of the poll, the vision of the night" came oat right on this oocasion. ' Tine nantx. 80 muoh interest has been evinoed in the conundrums which have been propounded in tikis colamn, th»t_ I propose in fnlare to devote a small portion of'ipaoe each week to this pleasant form of amusement. Any of my readers may send me original or selected enigmas which, if suitable, I will'print. As > the answers are received - they will be published, together with the names of those who send oorreot solution*. Hero is one for this week 1 — (1)- T«ro Arsbs at down to their reput in th* dawt; out had fiva loavea. and iha other ihna. A Itranfcrcomlnf no requested to be allowed to eat with them, which raqnest th* Arab* agreed to.* Attar aatinr- tha atrang*r l*ld down eight piacee of money, and went hli war- Tha owntr of tha fin loarra than took up fits pieces of money u hisjhare. and lsft tha thraa for hU friend ; bat th* latter objected to this arrangement, and Instated on hiTloc one-half. Not agreeing between themselvee aa to the proper diviUon of the r> on« 7.' th* caw wat brostbt before the Cadi <4 tha next town, who, bator a wise and Jqrt man, ordered a fair division. Find ont what oaeh' waa entitled tc, and yon will discover tha Cadi's Judgment.

Mr. B. Anderson lends me the following solution of tho mathematical conundrum ! Lat x = namb«r of hone* y = nnmbef of oxen; then ICO — <» + »> = namber of sheep. £100 1* paid for botw, oxa. and ihctth 6 X + jr + 100 - (X + jf) s 100 20 or M i + 10} = 1000. Striding br 19 we huro 6 * + 4 a + y = ICO (o.) 19 At r and y are to bo Integers, 4 x mart IB be an integer. Br examination we find that bo number bnt 10 will unit thU fraction, x = 19. From (a) *• Sad y — 1, and 100 — (* 4- jf) = 80 = number of sheep; notnber of hones = 19, prico £35 number of oxen = i, price £1 Bomber of sheep = SO. ptlo* £4 Number = 100, price £100 Another correspondent sends me this sola tioa:— Let x — number of tones purchased, y = number of oxen, a = somber of sheep ; .-.* + » + » = 100, alto by the hypotheiU. I(si+J + ») = £100 which condition reqnirss that y + a = S 20 or tome xplo of 5 ; bat any xple of 6 will evidently be too large. Take .'.» + » = 5 in which caso if y = 1 » Doit = «», or * = SO; 10 if V = < > must = «1; SO try the former. Then 5x + l + 4 = 100 or x = 109 — 6 = 19 6 and we hare 19 horui at JCS = 95 1 ox at I=l 8) theep at Is = 4

At the Parnnll nomination Mr. Seymour George made some very sensible remarks upon the manner in which the spirit of the ballot system is violated, by the absurd system of calling for a show of hands at the nomination, as well as in resolutions of votes of confidence at candidates' meetinss. As he also truly remarked, we adopt the ballot to protect the eleotor in voting sooretly, and then ask him to hold up his hand for his favourite candidate. If he votes aooording to his pablio bias, then his vote is as welt known as if he voted openly, while if he votes otherwiie to the show of hands, he ii to all intents a hypocrite and a liar. The show of bands and votes of " thanks and confidence" mean anything or nothing, and can be manipulated by any olever electioneering agent. The beat test is the ballot box, and it was so exemplified in Mr. George's own case. He had the show of hands and votes of confidenoe, and yet Mr. Mom was eleoted by a large majority. The Liberal Party should see to a reform of onr electoral laws in this respect.

A correspondent forward* the following version, prefacing them by a statement that ho picked tbem ap in Qaeen-street some days ago; that the hurly-burly of the elections pat them oat of his head ; bat that what be found was doubtless the original M.S. of the Auckland Horace :— AD FONTKII AUCKtANDIUU. O Font nrbtshonos etdecos lncljtum Laoti« dltns media rorcqna mostlam, Siphonl too an arum Riroa du Canlbut quoque. Kic« noblllam poite* fontlam Me dltenta tabla padlleam iqasUeam, Innantcm, *t Lacoi cbsu Uoaqua abitallt Emptlo. Or. O Fon» urbli hoaoi e( decas Inelrtaa Fain* dlpia mala at qaoqae TCTlibu*, Jioctn ftllbni usaas Fmlxi ct Casibaa dlu. Fl«a noblliura to quoque fontlpm lf« dlcanta taMi pnbllcem iqQitlenm, Eastern quam Licui etqnem So I] era comperit Emptlo. Sir George Grey has promiied to bring in a Bill to abolish the " track system, so prevalent in the great timber mills in. the North and on the East Coast. If ho accomplishes this reform for one class of our labourlag population, he will achieve more usefulness than he is ever likely to do in looking after " tho unborn millions." The truck system is a gross wrong, and practically blackmails tho workman. Mr. Thompson, during his candidature, told a good story about it. He said when he was business as a grocer, and the workmen ordered goods from him, the usage was to stow tio groceries in the centre of bags of chaff, oatr, bran, Jtc., in order to get them smuggled up. If the workmen were caught 01 daring goods from Auckland they were discharged, while the unfortunate masters o( veasela carrying such goods had their charters cancelled, or were refused cargoes of timber. Such a state of things is discreditable to the employers who enforce it, and to the employes who submit to it. Mkrcctio.