ODDS AND ENDS.

New Zealand Herald, Volume XX, Issue 6667, 31 March 1883, Page 3 (Supplement)

ODDS AND ENDS.

TnKHF. is a marked difference between getting up with the lark and staying up t« hear on». Theoretical reformers begin their gr--:at work with others, but the pratical reforL begins with himself. j it is all very well to tell us that "sweet | are the uses of adversity," but we would rather be spoiled the other way. I An increased number of detectives and ' spies have been placed around the Czar's / Winter Palace at l'etersburg. j I)o you believe in love in a c-ttage ? Edith. Yes; but if you are burdened with a palace don't be backward on that account. " Yes,'' iaid the captain of the occan steamship, WC a very expensive trip this time. Verv ,':; Ie s;a-sickriesa : passengers ate frightfu > ' " I "wish to state," writes a provident minister, " that I have procured an alarm clock that it will wake up the congregation as soon as the strvice is over.'' With exceptional tiutlfulness a quack doctor begins hia advertisement. "I oiler my valuable services to all who are so unfortunate as to require them." ■'Lie .'■till, Bridget," said Pat to his wife, when the burglars got into his house ; " an' if trie spalpeens foind anything, be jabbers, we'll get up an' take ii away from 'em." Mistress (to applicant for cook's position) : " Why did you leave your last place ?" Applicant: " You're very inquisitive, marm. I dinn't ax you what for your last cook left you." A Florida man killed a rattlesnake by throwing a glass of whisky in its face. It wasn't the effect of the liquor that caused the reptile's death, but it was the horror at the man's reckless extravagance. The grasshopper haa, according to its size, 120 tines the kicking power of an average man. It must be exciting times for the young grassiioppers ?/hich go courting and find the old man at home. "Suffering and knowledge lie very near each other," says a philosopher, and the man who used to get linked about three times a wc-li. when he was a boy at school, will corroborate tlv* statement. " Dream*,uays the satent'st, "are produced by sei.sations felt while .c;ieep.'' Who would have thought it ? We always supposed dreams were produced by sensations you didn't fuel whilo you were awake. There died at Lyons, France, a few weeks ago, one Mine. Lacene, a sister-in-law of Camille Jordan, who had in her youth been a personal friend of Mme. de Stael aud Mme. Kecamier. She was 105 years old. A well-known maiden lady in the south of Ireland left, at her decease, the following note of alarm and warning to her descendants.— " Poti'i be r.'iio Nancj n.ixt^r Wlii; refused a mau befor-3 he ax'd her." It is not fife to speak of a Western lacy as a large- ■I'ided woman. She colours up, llounces out of the room, and soliloquises in the sacred fastness of her boudoir, " J'll not speak to that hateful old tiling again— so, there ! Large-soled, indued For some iirs-j the letter-bags in the village of Cardrr.'jt Scotlami, have been carried by a collie dog. who has never made a mistak- reape.-V'nhia destination, nor has lie ever lost air. v.ii'g. The post-office authorities, howevo : avc ordered the services of this faithful ;.r.-i iiiteUlgc.it public servant to be d.scontinued. Two Fifers were one day discussing the id' rits of their respective towns. "Ay, but." said one from the East Neuk, " we've a Provost and Council in onr toon." " What 1 a rale Provost.?" asked the other, incredulous. "Av, a rah' Provost. Nano o' yer Cliief Magistrates." "What—wi' a chain roond his neck?" " Ka, na, oor L'rovost twangs lowse." A dry gocda clerk, who hafl a most outlandish way of walking, had to £0 to a distant p.irt of the store to find some goods which a party of feminine customers desired to see. " Walk this way, ladies," he called, as ho swung himself oir. " Hut we can't walk th.t way," cried a pert miss: " we iiev'i- 1.-arned that style, you know." The ■l>-rk is now drilling himself at a danciilLj-SL-hool in the motion of a new gait. (ifiicial statistics show that during the week ending December lf/th no fewer than G:i7 persons died in London from diseases of the respiratory org ;nB, "under the influence of the almost continuous fog." And on December 20th the Pall Mall t Gazette said .— " It is quite possible, judging from past experience, that to day's fog may cost us as many lives as Tel-el-Kebir, and that the fogs of December may be fatal to as many subjocts of the Queen as the whole of the Egyptian campaign."