ODDS AND ENDS.

New Zealand Herald, Volume XVII, Issue 6273, 24 December 1881, Page 3

ODDS AND ENDS.

When you confer a benefit on a man you spoil it if you ever after speak of it.

Varieties of mere nothings give more pleasure than uniformity of something. Wealth is added to a State by an increase of population ; but it is not always so with a family.

Dr. Guthrie said lie was for stitchology, bakeology, and boilogy for tradesmen's daughters.

When a young tnau wants to protect a young lady, he naturally puts his armour round her.

The New York News says it take 3 a brave man to tell the truth about his friend's literary efforts.

Never try to reason the prejudice out of a man. It wasn't reasoned into him, and it cannot be reasoned out of him.

Scribner's Magazine lias this negro aphorism : — "Always drink pure Mater. Many a man gits drunk from breakin' dis rule."

All bachelors would like to shake hands with the man named Morse, who recently got married, and four weeks later applied to the Legislature and had his name changed to Re-Mor.se.

Conversation on a seaside hotel verandah, between a young man and an elderly guest: Young man : "1 must have seen you somewhere, sir Elderly guest : " Very likely ; I am a pawr.broker."

Niece (after a header) : " Oh, aunt, you're not coming in with your spectacles on i" Aunt Clarissa (who is not used to bathe in the "open") : "Ay, dear, I positively won't take of anything more ; I'm determined."

"Any good shooting on your farm ?" asked the hunter of the farmer. "Splendid," replied the agriculturist; "there is a drive well man down in the clover meadow, a cloth pedlar at the house, a candidate out in the barn, and two tramps down in the stockyard. Climb right over the fence, young man, load both barrels, and sail in."

Jn olden time, as John F. Watson tells, when tea was first introduced into Salem, it was customary to boil it in an iron kettle ; then to strain off the liquid, and tlien, having placed the boiled leaves in a dish, to butler them and eat them as one might eat salad, washing them down with the decoctions, or what we now drink as tea, without either sugar or milk.

Shaving extraordinary : "Just keep your bottle of whiskey 111 the closet, and -when the girl brings you your hot shaving water in the morning you can mix your toddy <|iiiekly and not a. soul will know a thing about it," said the M.D. The plan worked well until the old man's daughter thought he must be going insane, because he wanted to shave live or six times a day.

At an assize court a witness of very respectable appearance was under cross-exami-nation, and at the idea of live threepenny worths making a man drunk he laughed outright. Witness : " No, I wasnotdrunk; I was as sober as a I was sober." Jlr. Justice : " You were going to say 'as sober as a judge."' Witness: "Well, my lord, I was, and I beg your pardon ; but I stopped myself in time." Mr. Justice : "uh, Idon't mind it a bit, it is rather a compliment; but why the Judges should always be selected I do not know. I think it might be varied by favouring us with a Bishop now and then."

It lias seldom been recorded in the annala of literature that the starting point of an exceptionally prosperous dramatic author's career should have been au incomparably stupid piece. That such, however, was the case with one of the most brilliant of contemporary playwrights, Eugene Charette, would appear by liis own account to be indubitable. In a diverting sketch of his early experiences as a dramatist ho writes:—

"Twenty years ago I had not 70,000 francs a year to spend, as I have now. At that time I used to compose short pieces for performance during the height of summer, ami I am bound to say they were invariably hissed. Once, after the fourth performance of one of my 'novelties,' shame overcame me. I sought out the manager, and said to him, 'I wish to withdraw my piece.' The worthy man fell into a terrible passion. ' What!' lie exolaimcd, 'you wast to withdrawapiece wliieli is having such a splendid success ! All over l'aris people are saying to one auother, " You must go and see that idiotic thing at the Theatre.'' Yesterday we took 700 francs ; do you understand, Illy good sir? hundred francs at a time of year when, generally speaking, I can hardly induce anybody to accept a free admission ! Here are two napoleons for y° l '> aiul mind you write me a still more idiotic piece, if possible, for next season. I executed that order," dryly adds Charette, "and date my popularity from the episode above narrated,"