SNAP SHOTS.

New Zealand Herald, Volume XVIII, Issue 6255, 3 December 1881, Page 6

SNAP SHOTS.

It's all fiddlesticks, Mr. Reader Wood, that claim of yours to go into the House of Representatives independent, to do what you like. If you were Jupiter Tonans and all the other Jupiters, it would still be fiddl«stick». You arc a long-headed man, and good speaker, but no Jupiter, certainly not. A man with suoli pretensions should not be subject to the ignominy of an election, but should be a member of Parliament of right, and a recipient of the thanks of the country for condescending to give it his services. But you were outspoken, and you avoided the meanness of ondeavouring to bamboozle your hearers, and that is a feather in your cap, and a brilliant one. But God bles3 you, Mr. Wood, every other candidate is entitled to as much independence as yourself, and what would you think a House of independent members ? Would you then like to be the head of a Government, and how long would you be in office? Your fellowindependents might give you a taste of their quality. Very pretty this independence in theory, but impracticable, moonshine, delusive, chiefly useful to enable a man to turn his back upon himself. Not that you would, and i£ you did you claim the right.

Th« Government did not toss the Thames Volunteers ; it was not a case of double or quits ; they only promised them two mouth 3' pay, offered them one, and, splitting the difference, gave them six weeks. If this does not encourage an ambition to be shot, stimulate volunteer enthusiasm, and fill tho ranks, where will be the amor palrw ? Roughing it in the bush, the loss of a situation, the chance of leaving a widow, wound up with haggling for money earned—is not this the pomp and circumstance of war ? It was all very well for the Government to say, '' Begone, brave soldiers, and don't kick up a row," but they did " kick up a row," and to make an agreement, do the work, and then have the account disputed, was enough to spoil the temper of the blandest of volunteers. Next time the men of the Thames should bargain for a payment on accOHnt, and require security for the balance. Governments have had all sorts of nick-names ; if ever tho present Ministry get one, it will be "the split-tlie-difference-Government." Thomas Noonan, butcher of the Hero, will for all time have a wholesome horror of burglars. To visit the North Shore for a 1 key and ft imile, be overcome by the potency

of whisky, try a window where he thonght the smile waa, retire disconsolate and bemuddled to an humble shed, and there be set upon by Featherstone, jtere el Jils, and get a broken arm as a daring burglar must have taken all the sentiment out of the butcher. He ought to become a teetotaller and forewear petticoats aftei sunset. Don't do it again, said the magistrate, when the maimed lover was brought before him. Don't do it again, says TobyTwinkle, to the Featherstous, father and son, but take a light and see where and what you are hitting. Suppose the girl had been having a whispered conference in the shed, and been killed, what then? If the wind whistles down the chimney it's a burglar in these day 3. Surely if one man's as good as another he's as good as a burglar. What'i the matter ? Panic !

Tliere'd be a pretty army of martyrs if it ■was known, as the Rev. Mr. Nelson desires, who wrote letters to the papers. We should have half the community by the ears, and the papers full of nothing else but correspondence. If everything is to l>e above board, then when Dick tells to Tom some scandal about Bob, Tom should straightway warn the said Rob, and so clip the wings of the male gossip, female ditto. That's what Mr. Nelson should advocate, put it that honor should consist not in secresy but in blabbing, and bringing the slanderer and the slaudered face to face. There's a lot of anonymity about gossip, and if it's to lie abandoned in the papers, let's get rid of it altogether. Why, theifb's Mrs. —■ — making the iiiost of that unhappy affair, with rare delicacy, dear creature—but then, she'll never stop till she falls into the pit. Good, gracious, Mr. Nelson, if everything were ticketed 1 Toby Twinkle.