ODDS AND ENDS.

New Zealand Herald, Volume XVIII, Issue 5997, 5 February 1881, Page 3

ODDS AND ENDS.

Fi.Y-Tnn:—When you hear her father's heavy cane thumping along the hall. Why cannot two slender persons ever become great friends? Because they will always be slight acquaintances. "The darkey's hour, is "just before the dawn," remarked Sambo, when he started out before daybreak to steal a young chicken for breakfast. Why is a man who has just carried his carpet bag ashore from a steamboat like an owner of the soil? Because he is possessed of landed property. One man out of 4000 in this country makes daily use of fractions, and yet every schoolboy must go through the tables as if on them the salvation of his life depended. During his recent visit to Hamilton the Marquis of Lome was treated to a fifteenminute address in ancient Gaelic. Ho is now prepared for a visit from his mother-in-law. ■ ■ > A citizen of Plymouth, Ind., fired six shots M ;i supposed burglar, and. then his wife cabled out, "See here, Sam, if you don't stop shoiptnig at me you'll have the.house full of neighbours." A Newspaper commenting on the fact that a farmer nearly lost his life by sinking in a qua£nnire , iv !U M 3 > " cn ,v h° do no * subscribe for a paper"n'iust expect to be sucked in every now and then>! l , ■ t i A Delaware inil\ e < over a beehive, was a ten minutes afterward. The mule itself was" immediately converted into a bee-holder—a very sad one, too. . The astonishment of the lightning when Ajax defied it was nothing as compared to the feeling of the young man who makes his best bow to a bevy of young ladies and bursts a suspender button in the act. What agonies must the poet have endured, who, writing of his love, asserted that he I "kissed her under the silent stars," anc found the compositor had made him declare that he " kicked her under the cellar stairs."

The word love in one of the Indian dialectsis chcnilendamoughkanagogager. This accounts for the fact that Indians never have but one sweetheart at a time. You couldn't expect a man to attend to two chemlehdamoughkanagogager affairs at once. The following is the Chinese version o! ; Mary and her lamb :— Was pil named Moll had lamb; Klees all saniee white snow, . Evly place Moll gal waUx«e, Ba ba boppec lonj'too. A correspondent endearingly asks, "Howcan the boys be kept off the streets at night ? Simple enough. Let every parent pave his back yard with tesselated marble, light it with cas, put a billiard table in it, with a bar and cii-;>- stand in one corner, and the thinj "GHhooly'i"* talking about starting a new paper in tfalveston, and was telling a fneud about it " You caii borrow SoO and start a new paper," said the friend, encouragingly. "If I could borrow§so whatwcddlwantto start a paper for ? I want to start tEfe-jacer so I can borrow the .?T.0." They sat down on a bench in the park to rest fresh from the country, and took eacfc other by the hand. They had sat for fifty five minutes there, when the young mar leaned over her flaxen curls and with an uneasy movement said, "Sinantha, I'm going to let go of your hand for a minute, bnt you won't be ma.l, will you, darling '! I wouldn't let go till you did, only some sort of a bug is crawling down my back, and I can't keep my mind on you and the bugs at the same time." Scene : The top of Ben Loinoud. Tourist who has "the best glass in Britain," hands it to <iiide. "Just take a look through thii at the steamer on the loch there; you can almost count the passengers.' tfu'de, who sees no prospect of a drain : Ive seen a it L- ttnt had it. When he was lookin'l'e^t^re^^^t CO f U ' d t O h°t st . $£%&&*&&' Tourist, cwiously : > hM vcry neac a gr' : teetotal, Bailie ,' --a^.