A DAY'S DELIGHT IN THE SCIENTIFIC AGE.

New Zealand Herald, Volume XVI, Issue 5400, 8 March 1879, Page 7

A DAY'S DELIGHT IN THE SCIENTIFIC AGE.

Scene.—A house of the future, fitted with the latest scientific appliances of the period, including telephones, phonograbhs, microphones, tasimeters, electro-dynamic lights, to., &0., &c. Paterfa.milias and his family discovered at their breakfast, which is being cooked on the table by a patent "solariscopic" store. Paterfamilias (reading limes) —Dear me, now, what shocking news from New York. A whole irainful of excursionists smashed, mv dear! Materfamilias—How dreadfal! Ido hope our dear George was not in the accident! Pater —Ab, to be sure ! We will soon see. Kun to my study, Henry William, my boy, and just find out whether your brother George is safe and sound, will you. It's the telephone on tho left of the mantelpiece you must call through. Henry William—All right, papa. (tint Henry William.) Lucy —Oh ! mamma, don't you hear the noise ? rt's quite stunning me ! Mater — Noise, child! I hear none. Pater—Why, the silly girl has actually got one of the wires of the Hall microphone hitched on to the tail of her gown. No wonder she is stunned, for I left a spider spinning his web just over the apparatus as I came in to breakfast. Mater (unfastening wire) —Ah! that's one of Charley's monkey tricks, I'll" ■be bound. Where is the young rascal? Enter housemaid hurriedly. Housemaid—Oh! if you please mum, will you speak to Master Charlie; he's set on the electricity in the back kitching, and the knife.-machine's working like mad, and the pump agoing at that rate the cistern's bound to overflow. Pater —Why, I believe I hear the water rushing down the stairs now I (Exit to see.) Enter Henry William. Henry William — oh, mamma, it's such a lark ! I shouted through to brother George, and asked if he was all right, and then some strange voice called back that the drag would start for Epsom at 10 30 sharp, and that he hoped pa would not forget the champagne and false noses. Mater—Oh ! that's it, is it ? This, then, iB the special business that was to take Joseph to town so early. Which tuba did you call through, Henry William! Henry William —The first as yon go in, mamma. Mater (aside) -Ah! that is the one my husband told me was solely for importent business communications, and must never be used by any of us. (Enter Paterfamilias in a damp condition.) Pater—There was an inch of water on the top landing already, and I was just in time to save your sewing-machine, my dear, from complete collapse. You must really not leave the band attached to the electro-dynamic motive wheel when you have done work ! Mater (coldly)—lndeed. And you, Joseph, should keep your business telephone securely corked. But I am keeping you from Epsom. The drag starts at 10 30 sharp ! Pater (confusedly)—Ah ! lam running down there to-day with Robinson about a special contract. Mater—For chamand false noses, I presume ? Pater—What ! tbat fool Robinson has never— Mater— —Indeed, he has; and I know all. Go, Joseph, go, and (she is suddenly cat short in her speech by the violent agitation of the "tasimeter " she wears at her girdle). Why, who can this be coming ? (Examines dial of tasimeter). The hand had gone down to zero. It must be that horrid old bore, Mrs Peppercuick. I won't see her! (Knock at the door heard.) Pater—l will soon' send her away, love. Give me that phonograph on the sideboard, Lucy. (She hands it to him). It's the one we kept in the nursery, you know, my dear, whilst Frank and Polly had the scarlatina. I'll wind out a few of Dr. Fell's observations. (Goes into the hall and turns handle of phonograph, which at once begins to emit, in a loud tone, words to this effect:—"Remember, above all, to keep the patients secluded, my dear madam. The disease is most infectious and easily communicated, even to visitors. I will call to-morrow at this hour.") At this juncture Mrs. Peppercuick is heard beating a quick retreat from the doorstep. Pater—-There, my love, I've sent her off. Mater— And now you're off, 1 suppose, to your dissipation ? Pater—No, really. It will be a most quiet and serious party. Mater—Then, if so, yon won't object te wear this pocket phonograph (gives it to him). I shall then be able to judge on your return. Pater (aside) —What a nuisance ? But there's no help for it. Anything for a quiet life. But bother scientific inventions, say I. (Takes it and exit.) — Fun.