MARK TWAIN'S CAT STORY.

New Zealand Herald, Volume XVI, Issue 5394, 1 March 1879, Page 7

MARK TWAIN'S CAT STORY.

I KsfK\v by the sympathetic glow upon his bald head—l knew by the thoughtful look upon his face—X knew by the emotional I flash upon the strawberry end of the old freeliver'fl nose, that Simon. Wheeler's memory was busy with the olden time. And ao 1 prepared to leave, for all these were symptoms of a reminiscence—signs that he was | going to be delivered of another of his tiresome personal experiences, but I was too slow ;he got the start of me. As nearly as I can recollect, the ioflictioa was couched in the following language :— " We were all boys then, and didn't care for nothing, and didn't have any trouble, and didn't worry about nothing only to shirk school and keep up a revivw' state of devilment all the time. This yar Jim Wolf I was talkin' about was the 'prentice, and he was the best-hearted leller, he was, and the most forgivin' and onseltish I ever see—well, there could not be a more bullier boy than he was, take him how yon would; and sorry enough was I when I see him for the last time. "Me and Henry was always pestering him, and plastering horsebills on his back? and putting bumble bee 3 in hiß bed, and so on, and sometimes we'd crowd in and bank with him, notwithstanding his growling, and then we'd let on to get mad and across him, so as to keep him stirred up like. He was nineteen, he was, and long, and lank, and bashful; and we was fifteen and sixteen, and tolerably lazy and worthless. "So that night, yon know, that my sister Mary gave a candy pnllin, they started us to bed early, so as the company would have full swing, and we ran in on Jim to have some fun. " Our winder lookfc ont into the roof of an -11. and, about ten o'clock, a couple of old torn cats got to roarin' and chargin* aronnd t, and carrin' on like sin. There was fonr nehea of snow on the roof, and it was rozeu so that there was a right smart crust >f ice on it, and tbe moan was shinin' bright ind we could see them oats like daylight! they would stand off, and e-yow, yow, row, jnst the same as they was a cussin'' ine another, you know, and bow np their >acks, and push np their tails, and swell round, and spit. Then, all of a sudden, the ;rey cat he'd snatch a handfnl of fur ont of he yaller cat's ham, and spin around him ike the button on a barn door. But the •aller cat was game, and he'd come and lench, and the way they'd gouge, and bite, nd yowl, and the way they'd make the fur [y was powerful. " Well, Jim, he got disgusted with the ow, and 'lowed he'd climb out there and bape him off'n that roof. He hadn't reely 0 notion of doin' it, likely, hut we everistin'ly dogged him, and bullyragged him, nd 'lowed he'd always bragged how he ronld not take a dare, and so on, and lo and ebold you, he went—went exactly as he r " 3 —nothin' on but a shirt, and that was hort. But you ought to see him. You eight to see him creepin' over that ice, and iggin' his toe-nails and finger-nails in to eep from alippin', and 'bove all, you ought > have seen that shirt tail a-flappin' in the ind, and them long, ridiculous shanks of is a-glisteniu' in the moonlight. "Themcomp'ny folks were down there nder the eaves, the whole squad of them nder the ornery shed of old Washin'ton ower vines—all settin* round about two ozen sasaers of hot candy, which they'd set 1 the snow to cool. And they was langhin' id talkin' lively; but, bless you, they j idn t know nothing abont the panorama lat was goin' on over their heads. Well, 1 im, he went a sneakin' up unbeknown to ■ lem cats—they was a swishin their tails id yow-yowin' and threatenin' to clinch, 1 au know, and not payin' any attention— ' e went a-sneakin' right up to the comb of ! leroof, till he was within a foot aod a-halfof m, and then all of a sudden he made a 1 rasp for the yaller cat! Bat, by 1 ish, he missed fire and slipped his holt, id his heels flew up and he flopped on his J vjk, and shot off'n that roof like a dart— : ent a slashin' and crashin' down through ] lem old rusty vines, and landed right in the ead centre of them comp'ny people!— set own like a yearthquake in them two dozen lasers of red-hot candy, and let off a howl 1 lat was hark f'm the tomb ! Them gals— ell, they looked, you know. They see he : asn't dressed for company, and so they ft. All done in a second, it was just one ttle war whoop and a whishof their dresses, id blame the wench of 'em was in sight lywhere. _'' Jim, he was a sight. He was gormed ith that bilin' hot molasses candy clean )wn to his heels, and had more busted ssers haogin' to him than if he was an ijan princess—and he come a praneia' upairs just a whoopin' and cursin', and every mp he gave shed some china, and every uirm he fetched he dropped some candy ! " And blistered ! Why, bless yer soul, at poor cretur couldn't reely set down mfortable for as much as four weeks."