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New Zealand Herald, Volume VII, Issue 1842, 9 December 1869, Page 4

EXLisxixCr a Lawter.—Well, mind now, for this is as true as Gospel. It was on the 11th of May, 1820, I 'listed a recruit in Dublin and put the question to him, gave him the shilling, aud walked him to the bar racks as fine as a fiddle. Well,in a few days ho was claimed as a 'prentice, and so he was had up before the mayor, and he committed him for trial Well, at the following 'sizes I was called as a witness, and the lawyer that defended him told me that I did not 'list him. " I did," says I. "Did you put the question to him rightly ?" says he, " I did," says I. "By the virtue of yer oath, now," say he, "just ax me the question, for I don't believe you ax'd him." " How do you know 2" says I, " for by this and by that you weren't by." " None of your business," says he; and he held out liis hand, and accordingly I pulled out half-a-crown and clapped it in his fist, and then I axed him the questions, and he said "yes" to them all. "Were these the same questions you put to the prisoner ?" " Yes they were," said I. "Well, here's yer halfcrown for ye," says he. " I can't take" it, sir," says I. "Why not?" says he. "Why not?" says I; " why, sure I can't take it back till you go before a magistrate and pay the ' smartmoney.' " " You be hanged," says he, and he put the money in his pocket, and I called to his lordship on the bench for a witness that I had 'listed him. And oh, holy Biddy, but there was a roar in the court! Begorra the judge laughed till the tears ran down liis face. Well, the decision of the court being in my favour, I axed the judge if I might take away my new recruit. And they all roared again, and the councellor got as red as a turkey-cock and as mad as a bull with the cholic ; at last he made the best he could av it, and says I to the counsellor, says I, " Don't 'list in the line next time, sir." " What then ?" says he snappishly. " Oh, yer 'oner," says I, " stick to the rilles : that's more in your way." Well, bcorra, when I told the major, I thought he'd die, and when he had done laughin' he bid me keep the " smart money" for myself.—lrish Humour.