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New Zealand Herald, Volume III, Issue 744, 3 April 1866, Page 5

Laxm.ouds' Rifles.—The following rather ot'id bit of composition may be seen on the palour wall of tbe Teddiiigton "Cross Hands" Inn, on the Broadway and Cheltenham Road :— " My furnaces are deep, in Irewing there's demger My friends ought to pay iuo as well as a Btrungor Customors came, and I did trust 'em, They left my house, and 1 lost their custom Chalk is useful, say what you will, But chalk ne ©r paid the taalgter's hill. I'll, strive to keep a decent tap • For ready money, but no strap ; I've trusted many, to my sorrow ; You pay to-day, I'll truat to-morrow,. All those who bring tobacco here Must pay for pipes as well as beer."

"REVELATIONS OE A WORKHOUSE. [Continued from tho Herald of Friday last.] Tt was about half-past 0 when, having nude myself as comfortable as circumstances permitted, I closcd my oye3 iu the desperate hope that I might fall asleep and so' escape froni tho horrors with which I jvas surrounded.. ( "At 7 to r mcifrow morning tho bell will ! ring," Daddy had informed me, " and then i you will give up you'r ticket aud get hack your bundle." Between that time e-tid tbjo present fiflJrifie : long hours had to wear away. . . , Buc.l was spoedily convinced'that, at least for'flic } present, sleep was impossible. This young fellow (one 0(* tho thres who lay in o,no bed, with thoir foot to my heap) whom my bread had refreshed, presently swore with frightful imprecations that he was now going to have a smoke; and immediately put his threat into execution. Thcrepon his bedfellows sat up and lit their pipes too. But oh! if they had only • smoked—if they had not taken such an unfortunate fancy to spit at tho leg of a cranl; distant a few inches from my head, Kow much misery and apprehension would have been spared me?; To make matters' -worso thoy united with ih;s American practice on Eastern one ; as they smoked they related little autobiographical anocdotes —so abominnable that three or four decent men who lay at tho further oud of the shod were po provoked that thoy threatened, unless tho talk abated in filthiness; to get np and stop it by main force. Instantly, fh'e' ->c'ie'd of every blackguard in the room was raised against the . cues. They wore accused ,of loathsome) " as fighting .out of, \vork" (which', vn.u'st I>6' sc'ttittl»in(j humiliating, I suppose), and invited to " a round",by boys young enough to be their grandsons. For several minutes thero Wad such a stqruv of oaths, threats and, taunts—such a deluge ct foul wordsraged in tho room—that T could not help thinking of tho fate of Sodom : as, indeed, I did several timei during thn night. Little by little the riot died out, without any slightest interference on the part of the ofßceip.

Soon Efrervrards the , rullian majority was strengthened by the arrival of a leaky boy pf about 15, who evidently recocuized many i-oquaintancas, and, t was rocogmzcd by them ns " Kay," or perluipo I should writo it "5." He was a very romarkable-lookiu'g lad, aud his .appearauw pleased mo much. Short as his hair was cropped, it still looked soft aud silk)': he had large bluo eyes, sot wide apart, and a mouth that would havo been fiuiltloss but for its great width, dnd his voice was as soft and sweet as any woman's. Lightly as a woman, too, he picked his way ovor tho stones towards tho place where the beds lay, carefully hugging his cap' beneath his arm. " Whut cheer, lvay V" i: Out ag-tin, theri," o'ld son !" " What yor got in ver cap, Kay ?" cried his friends ; to which the sweet voice replied, " Who'll give mo a part of his doss (bed) ?—— my eyes and limbs if I air.'t perishiu! Who'll lot me turn in with him for half my v.ike " (bread) ? I feared how it would be! The hungry young fellow who had so rowdily availed himself of half my " toko " snapped at Kay's offers, and after a little ment and bed-making four young follows instead of three reposed upon the hn> -bags at ray head. "You wa; too late for skiiley. Key. stiller now, nights as well as movnins." "Don't yon fell no blooding lies," Kay answered incredulously. " Blind me, it's true. Ain't it Punch ?" " Bight you are !" said Punch, "and spoons to eat it with, that's more! There used to be spoono at all the houses one time. Poplar used to have 'cm ; but one at a time they whs all nicked, dou'tyou know." (" Nicked " means "6tolen," obviously).

" "Well , 1.. don't-want no skillcy, leastways not tonighr," said Kay. " I've had some rum. Two glasses of it; and a blow out of puddin'—reglcr Christmas plum puddin*. Ton don't know tho .cove as give it me, but, thinks I this mornin' when I come out, blessed if I don't go and seo my old chum. Lord?truth Ihe wa- .struck! ' Come along, 1 lie sea, 'I sa\cd you wu« puddin' from Christmas.' ' Whereabouts is it ?' I ses. 'In that box under, my bed,' he ses, and he forks it out. That's the sort of pill ti> have ! And he stood a quarter and a half ounce c'f harcl-up' (to' v:co). That wasn't all neither; when T corn's r-way, s'es, ho, 'How about your breakfast?' *0/1, I shall do,' e'es I. ' Jou tako some of my bread and butter,' ho tea, and he cuts me off four chunks buttered thick. I eat two on'em comin' along.'

" What'sJLn yourjeap, Kay ?" repeated the devourar of " toko."

" Them other two slices," said Kay ; generously adding, " There, share 'em amongst yer, and somnbodv give no a whilf of 'bacca." Kay. showed himself a pleasant compam'oti; what in a higher grade of ; society is called " quito an acquisition." He told stories of thieves, and thieving, and of a certain " silver cup " he had been' " put up to," and that he meant to nick it 'a'oro the end of the week, if he got seven stretch (? seven years) for it. The c.up was worth ten quid (? po.rnds), nud lie knew where to melt it within ten minutes of nicking it. He made this statement without any moderation of his awcet voice, and the others received it us serious fact. Nor was there any affectation of secresv in anpther. gentleman, who announced, with great applause, that he had stolen a towel from the bathroom? ; And s'holp ma, it's as good an now; never bee nwashed more'n orico ! "

" Tell us a ' rummy' story, Kay," said' somebody; and Kay did. Ho told stores of so' " rummy :V character that tho decent men at the further end of the room (some of whom had their own little boys sleeping with them) must have lain in a sweat of horror as they listened. Indeed, when Kay broke into a "rummy" song with a roaring chorus, ono of the decent men rose in his bed and swore that ho wo-.iid smash Kay's head if ho didn't desist. But Kay sang on till he and his admires were tirod of the entertainment. " Nor/," esid he, " lot's havo a swearing club ! you'll all bejin it ? '" The principle of this game seemed to rest oh the impossibility of eitherof the young gentlemen making half-a-dozen observations without introducing a blasphemous or 'obsceno word; and either the basis its a very sound ore, or for the sake of keeping the " ciub " alive the members purposely made slips. Tho penalty for "swearing" was a punch on any part of thc'bodr, except u few which tho club rules protected. Tho game was highly successful. Warrninir wit!j tho sport, and indifferent to punches, the members vied with each other in audacity, and in a lew minutes Bedlam in its primo eould scarcely havo produced such a spectacle as was to be seen on the bods behind mo. One rulo of the club was that any word to be found in the Biblo might bo Used with impunity, and if one member "punched" another for using such a word tho error was to bo visited upon him with a double punching all round. This naturally led to much argument, for in vindicating the Biblo OS hin authority a member became sometimes so much heated as to launch into a flood of <( real swearing," which brought the fists of the club upon hid naked carcase as quick as hail.

These and othor pastimes beguiled the timo until to my delight, the church chimes audibly tolled 12. After this the noise gradually subsided, and it seemed as though everybody was going to sleop at last. I should havo mentioned that during the storytelling and song-singing, a few " casuals" had dropped in, hut they were not habitues, and cuddled down with their rugs over their heads without a word to any one.

In a little while nil was quiet, save for tho (lapping of the canvas curtain in tho night breeze, t.hu snoring, and; tho horrible indescribable sound of impatient hands scratching skins that itch. Thero was another sound of verv lrequant occurrence, and that was tho clanking of tha tin pannikin against tho water pail. Whether it is in the nature of workhouse bread or skilley to provoke thirst is more than my limitod experience entitles mo to say, but it may bo truthfully asserted that once at least in the courso of five minutes might be heard a rustling of straw, pattering of feet, and then the noiss of water dipping, and then was to he seon at the pa.il the figure of a man (sometimes Btark naked) gulping down the icy water as ho I stood upon the icy stones.

And V.ro I may remark that I can furnish 110 solution to this myalery cf the Bhirt- I only know that some of my comrades were provided with a'shirt, and that to some the luxury was denied. I may say this however, that nono of tho little boys were allowed one. Nearly 1 o'clock. Still quiot and no fresh arrival for an hour or more. Then suddenly a loud noise of hobnailed boots kioking at a wooden gate, and soon after a tramping of feet and a rapping at Daddy's door, which, it will he remembered was only separated from our bed-room by an open paved coutrt.

" Hallo!" cried Daddy. " Here's some more of 'em for you—ten of 'em " answered the porter, whose voice I recognised at once. " They'll liave to find "cede, then," Daddy grum- . bled, as he opened hia door. " I don't believe there

are four beds empty. They must sleep double or something.

This was terrible news for me. Bad enough in all conscience, was it to lie as I WiS l v j tl? . but the prospocfc of sharing my stniw with samo clirty scoundrel of tlio Kay breed was altogether unendurable. Perhaps, however, they Wert- not dirty scoundrels, but peaceable aud decent men like those in the farther

Alas for my hopes! In the space of five minutes in they came at the rent in tho canvas—great halting ruffians, _ somo with ru:a and nothing else, and B'o'me with shirts and nothing else, aud = all madly swearing btec'ciise,- comiDg in after 11 o'clock, there was no " to<te" for As soon as these wrathful men had advanced to the liiicdk of tlio shed they made tho discovery that there wiis an inauffieient number of becls—only three, iudoed, for tea competitors.

"Where's the bed's? D'ye hoar, Daddy? Ton blessed, truth-tolling old person, whore's the be-?* r" " ion'll find 'em. Some of Vrm' is lying oir two, or <rot 'em as pillows. You'll find 'em."

With a Buddcn rush our new friends plunged among the sleepers, trampling over them, cursing their eyes and limbs, dragging away their rugs; and if by chance thoy found somo poor wretch who had been tempted £o icikc two beds (or bags) instead of one, they coolly hauled hint out and took possession. There wiu no denying them ar.'d no'use in remonstrating. l'liey evidently knew that £hsv v?cre at liberty t"> do jllst as they .'iked, and they took full advantage of tho privilege.One of them cams up to me, and shouting, " I i -rant that you —," snatched at my birdseyo nfgh're'ap' rind carried it off. Thero was abed close to mine whieli, criilt'lined only one occupant, and into this one of (lie neix? couxz'z dipped without a word of warning, driving, its lawful ow'nef {<g.*inst the wall to nniko room'.' Th'cn lie sat up; m bed tor a moment, savagely ventirig hio' disappointment a3 to-" ioke," and declaring that novar before ih' his life had he felt tho need of it so much. This vr'M my opportunity. Slipping my hand under my bed, I withdrew thr.i judiciously hoarded piece of bread and respectfully offered it to him. Ho snapped at it with thank?. , By the time the churches wore chiming two matters had once more adjusted themselves, and silence reigncV to be disturbed only by drinkers at the pail or such as otherwise pVeUVpted, stalked into the open yard. Kay, for one, visiad it. . I flSentiosi this unh ippy young wrctch particularly, cecii'uic' Ire went out without a single rag to his back. 2 looked out at the rent in the canvas, and saw tho frosty moon shinins on him. Whon ho returned, and cropt down between Punch and anothor, ho muttered to himself, " Wnrtn aaain ! Oh, mj' &—d! warm !" I hope, Mr. Editor, that you wi'l not think me too prodigal of those that yonr readers will understand ihost, if I writs rather boldly, it is not done as a matter o? insie. To me it seoms quito worth while to relate with tolerable accuracy every particular of an adventure which yoU persuaded mo ("iVh! woeful when !")' to Undortako "for tho public gook. In aiiothrr paper I shall conclude. (To be continued.)