AMONG THE SPIRITS.

New Zealand Herald, Volume II, Issue 539, 4 August 1865, Page 6

AMONG THE SPIRITS.

(From Artemux Ward, his li.ok.J My unbars is tuoii'-'i barf crazy O" the new /angled idear about 'yenvts. -perretooul S-.reles is held nueir & 4 or 5 long-lmrred fellers has settled hern and gone into the sperret biznis ■ xcloosively. A aternt was made to git Mrs. A. Ward to embark into the Speiret biznis but the atemt Med. I oi' the long-har.-d fellers told her she wa, a ethereal ere<-ter .v wood make a sweet, mejium, whartipon *he attact him with ft mop>handle & drove him out of the hmse. I will hero obearve that Mrs. War t is a invalerblo woman —the partner of my govs & the shairer of my •orrers. In my absunso she watchis my interests £ things with a !• agio Eye & -when I return elie weleumß mo in afectionate style. Trooly it is with us as it -was with Mr. and Mrs. Ingomkr in the Play, to nhit— 'J soles with but a single tlwwt 2 harts which beet ns 1. My naburs injooced me to attend a Sperretoouel Bircle at Squire Smith's. When I arrovo I found the e«st room chock full includin all the old maids in the Tillage & the long; hared fellers alsed. When I vent in I was ealootid with " her cuius the benited man " " hear cams the hory-heded nnbeli -ver — " hear cums the skuffer at trooth," etsettery, etaettery Sez I, "my frens, it's troo I'm hear, & now bring on your Sperrets." 1 of the lung-hared fellers riz up and scd he would Btatp a tew r marts. Wo st-d man was a triitf.-r of intedeek & was movin on to a Gole. Mini men had bigger intelleeks than other men had and they wood git to the Gole tho soonerest. Sum men was beests & wood never got into tho Uole at, all. He eed tin Krth was material but man was immaterial, aud hens man was did'rent from the Erth. The Erth, eontinnered the speaker, resolves louud on its own axle tree onet in 24 hours, but as man haint got no axle tree ho cant resolve. He sed the ethereal essunce of tho koordinato bianchis of superhuman natur becurn mettymorfussed as man progrest in liarmoni.il cooiistunce & eventooally anty humanized tlieirselves & turned into lvglar sperretuellers. [This was versitl'erzsly applauded by the cumpany, and as I make it a pint to get along as pleasant as possible, I sung out " bully for you, old The company then drew round the table and the Sircle kominenst to go it. They axed me if thare was anybody in the Sperret land which I would like to Converse with. I sed if Bill Tompkins, who was onet my partner in the show biznis, was sober, I should like to conva se with him a few periods. '•lathe Sperret of William lompkms present?" aed I of the Lng-hared chaps and there was three knox on the table. t-ez, I, " William, how goze it, Old Sweetness?" " Pretty ruff, old boss," he replied. That was a pleasant way we had of addressin each other when he was in the llesli. "Air you in the show bizniz, William ?" sed I. "He ted he was. He sed he & John Bimyan was travelin with a sideshow in connection with Shakspere, Jonson & Co. s circus. Ho sed old Bun (meanin Mr. Bunyan) stirred up the aniuvils & ground the organ while he tended door. Oceashunally Mr Bunyan sung a eomie song. The Circus was doin middlm well. Bil chubs,:-eer had made a grate hit with old Bob Ridley, and Ben Jonson was delitin the peple with his trooly great ax of hossmanship without saddul or bridal. They was rehersin Dixey's Land & exp"Cted it- would knock the peple." t>ez I, " William my luvlv freu..l, can you pay me that. 13 dollars you owe me ?" Ho sed no with one of the most tremenjis knox I ever experiansed. The Sircle sed he had gone. "Air you gone, William ?"' I axed. " Rayther," he replide, and I knowd it was no use to pursue tlie subject furdcr. 1 then called for my father. " How's things, daddy f ' "Middlin, my son, iniddlin." " i*in't you proud of your orfurn boy f" " Scarcely." "Why not, myparientr" " Becaws you hav gon to writin for the noospapers, my son. Bimeb-. you'll lose all your character for trouth and verasserty. When I helpt you into the show biznis I told you to dignerfy that there profeshun. Litteratoer is low." He also statid that he was doin middlin well in the pemut biznis & liked it putty well, tho' the climit was rather wftrm. When the Sircle stopt they axed me what I thawt of it. Sezl, "'my friends, I've bin into the show bizues now goin on 23 years. Therms a artikil in the Conetitooshun of the United States which fez in efT--ck that everybody may think just as he duni pleazes, & them is my sentiments to a hare. You dowtlis helceves this Sperret doctrin while I think it is a little mixt. Just so soon as a man becutns a reglar out & oct Sperret rapper he leeves orf workin, lets his hare grow all over his face & commensis spungin his livin out of other peple. He cuts all the dickehunariea he can find & goze round chock full of bin ■words, scarein the wimmin folks & little children & destroyin the niece o: mind of evry fumerlee he enters. He doa't do nobody no good & is a cuss to seciety & a pirit on honest peple's corn beef barrils. Arimi'ttin all you say abowt the doctrin to ho troo, I must say the reglar professional Hperrit rappers—them as makes a biznis on it air—abowt the most ornery fct of cusses I enkountered in my life. So sayin I put on my surtoott and went home. fveepectably yures, Abtemuh Waed.

ON THE 'WING. Gents of the Editoral Corpse :— Since I last rit you I've met with immense success a showin my show in varis places, particly at Detroit. I put up at Mr. Ruasel's tavern, a very good tavern too, but I am sorry to inform you that the clerks tried to cum a Gouge Gameon me. I brandished my new sixteen dollar liuntin-cased watch round considerable as 1 was drest in my store close, & had a lot of sweetscented wagon-grease on my hare, I'm free to conf. ss that I thought I lookt putty gay. It never once Btruck me that I lookt gr-en. But up steps a clerk & axes me had nt I better put my watch in the *n f e . " f-ir, Fez I, "that watch cost me sixteen dollars! Yes Sir, every dollar of it! You can't cum it over me, my boy; IS'ot at all Sir." I know'd what the clerk wanted. He wanted that watch himself. He ■wanted to make believe as tho he lockt it up in the safe, then he would set the house a fire and pretend aB tho the watch was destroyed with the other property ! But he caught a Tomarter when lie got hold of me. From Detroit I go West'ard hoe. °On the cars was a hel okm female, with a green-cotton umbreller in one hand and a handful of Reform tracks the other. She sed every woman should have a Spear Them as didn't demand their Hpeare, didn't know what was good for them. " What is my Spear ?" sh-* axed, addressin the people in the cars. "Isit to Btay at home & darn siockins & and be the tor-lace of a domine rria man ! Or is it my Spear to vote & speak & show my=elf the ekal of man ? Is thnre a eisier in these keera that lins her proper Spear V" fcayin which the eccentric female whirled her unv breller round several times, & finally jabbed mo in the •weskit with it. ' have no obj.csliuns to your goin into the Spear oizncss, sez I, " but you'll please remember I ain t a pickonl. Don t Spear me agin, if you pleaEC." fahe sot downt Arbor, b ein seized with a sudden faintness, I called for a drop of authin to drink As I was Btarrxn the beverage up, a pale-f.ced man in gold spectacles laid his hand upon my shoulder, i sed, • .Look not upon tho wine when it is red." Sez T, " thi j ain't wine. This is Old Kve " " It stuujclh like u Adder and Inteth like a Hamcnt >" ced tin man 2 << I guess not," sed T, "When you put sugar into it. That s the way I aller3 takes mino." 80 ° s . « rown u Pi Sir?" the man asked. Wall, I replicte, as I put myself outsido my beverage, *1117 son Artemus junior is goin on IS." " Ain't you afraid if you set this example bl him he 11 cum to a bad end : j " " He's cum to a waxed end already. He's Icr.rnin tho shoe niacin bizness, I repiidc. i£ I guess we can b'jth got along without your assistance, sir,' 1 I obas lie was about to open his mouth at'iu. " Tin's is a Cold world !" sed the man. " i hit a so. But you 11 get into a warmer one bv and by if you don't mind your own biznesa better." I was a little riled at the i'eller, because i :iever take any thin only when I'm on well. I artenvr.rds learned he was a temperance lecturer, and if he can injuce men to stop settin their inurds on fire with the frightful lickcr which is retailed round the country, I Jiall hartily rejoice. Better give men Prussiclc Aesid to onct, than to prizen 'em to deth bj T degrees.

At rtlbion I met with overwhelmin success. The celobrated Albion Feinalo Semenary is located here, & there air over 300 young Jadies in the Institushun, pretty enough to eat without seasonin or sass. The young ladies waa very kind to me, volunteerin to pin

my handbills onto the backs of their dresses. It was a subl me site to seo over 300 young females goin round with a advertisement of A. Ward's onparaleld omspickiisly posted onto their dresses. They've got a Paniek up this way and re'ooz to take Western money. It never was worth niu'ch, and when Western men, who know whut it is, rcfoozo to take their own mmiey it is about timo other folks stopt handlin it. B-inks are bus-tin every day. goin up higher nor any balloon of which wo havo any record. These Wester backers air a sweot & luvly set of men. I wish I owned as good a houso as some p f 'em would break into ! Virtoo is its own rowurd. A. Wakd.