IT IS TOWN TALK THAT

Free Lance, Volume XIX, Issue 1029, 17 March 1920, Page 30

IT IS TOWN TALK THAT

—Hubby was studying the. gas bill. " What are you doing, dear?" inquired wifey. "Reading light fiction," said., hubby. —The Welfare League wants to hold a national industrial conference; What the public wants.. is ; a national profiteering conference. . ... —A certain enthusiastic motorist who last year knocked' a lady down with his car has now married her . He will he more careful in future. • —A Wellington gentleman, who says he is quite serious deblares the,best way of overcoming the overcrowded, cars problem is to take all the seats out! - - . —One of the most-arresting figures in Wellington is the traffic cop at Bank of New Zealand corner. _ He can arrest a stream of vehicles with his little, finger. —An advertisement in. a Sydney paper calling for " metal spinners, permanent positions, good wages," is said <fco have been read with mucn interest bv the two-uppers. '• ■■■'■ —A Sydney paper remarks that stockings are going higher, but .omits to mention whether this is a financial movement or—ahem—r-whether the skirts are going to accompany them. —A returned soldier who went from to the war had har<Uy landed back • again when the prison doors closed on him once more. He complain that they didn't keep his 30b open for him., -. • '—A cable item states that as the result of a - free fight in the Honduras Congress. twenty people, including • the Leader of ithe. Opposition, and tiie Speaker, were killed. Evidently a Government victor! • ; . , —A man fell off the wharf at Wellington one daj last week, and when hauled up again someone asked him: .'■How d'ye feel when ye fell in?" _"Qh, • not so. dusty," said the man, with un-. conscious humour. —The other day. a lucky New Zealander won ' fifty pounds in Tatt s. When his cheque: arrived he found that six pounds ten shillings had been deducted by the Commonwealth Tax Department. Under the Federal lawsi, Tatt's iB an illegal institution! —-A recent news item stated that as Prince Edward's Eand -iB still suffering from his hand-shaking experiences wit-It - Yanks, bows will be substituted - for the flipper-tips when he comes to Australia. This means a backache for His Soyal Highness. Why not winks? ■ •... •—The housing problem is getting still more acute. A man who had been sentenced to six montKs' imprisonment in Court the other day-was asked by the policeman who escorted him to the • cells whether he!d. be willing to "let his house furnished to him while he was languishing in gaol. - -rrOne of ihe Jack Tars on H.M.S. New Zealand, writing to his parents in the Old Country of his visit last year to this Dominion, thus describes the luncheon provided for them by the Wellington ladies at the Town Hall: — "We started with ham, beef, scones, oranges, "bananas, figs, grapes and sweets.'' Not .bad for a start! —A couple of prisoners who were working about the grounds at the • Whakatane police station the. other day, saw -the constable's motor car > standing near by, ancT, accepting the implied, invitation to make themselves happy, got in and drove off. If they'd haa a smash-up the verdict no doubt . would have been: "Balled by kindness."

Shakespeare' up to date: The evil that men do lives after them; the good they publish while they live. —The Samoan game ■of bowls, is called kava. Two spots of kava' and you see two kitties. —A' propos of the row at the Wellington Presbytery between St. John's and St. Andrew's "it is rumoured that a special collection is to be taken up at St. John's on Sunday to defray the cost of wirelessing a report of the proceedings to the Rev. James Gibb, D.D., and obtaining the addressee's comments here anent. |We do not vouch for the rumour. \