ENTRE NOUS

Free Lance, Volume XVIII, Issue 987, 4 June 1919, Page 18

ENTRE NOUS

THE present state of the argument between the Mayor of Wellington the Acting-Premier on the' ques- . tion of precedence at the Town Hall and other civic functions is that Mr J. P. Luke has been to a lawyer and got a legal opinion on the subject which q,t least satisfies Mr Luke, if it doesn't convince Sir James. The effect of the opinion of the legal gent., whose name is not stated, is that His "Worship is cock of his own walk on all such occasions except when the Go-vernor-General happens to be present. There are various qualifications and reservations in. ' the opinion—it wouldn't" have been a legal opinion if tliere hadn't been. But you can't satisfy everybody. ■'.*■■.. * .. * . * ■■* * This little episode inevitably recalsP the late Hon. R. J. Seddon and liis 7 characteristic, ways, and raises the Question what King Dick would have done in similar "circs." Those who knew the late Mr Seddon in the zenith of his powers know just exactly what he would- have done. He loved:;: the spot light on all occasions,; and it '■ would have needed a much stronger man than J.P. or even the GovernqrGteneral to have pushed him out of it. He was the central figure of the Cabinet, the central figure of every photographic group, the central figure of Parliament, the cynosure of ' all eyes iij. the public thoroughfares, the beall and end-all of the political times -fcfiat were. * * '*.''■* * /* ' . Reminds Free Lance of a good story that went the rounds of the shipping offices some time ago. A certain skipper, who must have been a maritime ■edition of King Dick, was very punctilious about his official dignity on all functions aboard his ship. He always § resided over the burial services, and ijd it with effective pomp and cereTnjbny. For one of his trips across the Atlantic he shipped a new chief, ste— \vjard, who. on' the vessel he had been on-before was in the habit of presiding -at all sea burials in the steerage part of the liner. On this particular trip one of the steerage passengers died, .and the new chief steward; following the custom of his orevioue skipper, made all arrangements for the Service, and by the time the skipper had •come on the bridge had collected his little group and was well on his way with the service. '.■;.'}■_ ' ,^*:. ; :V..*'' .-■' : * * '■*■'•* , The : horrified skipper slid down the companion ladder and hurried forward to"assefthis rights. He arrived on thetspot just as the steward was ing:^;; ;< -'£; airiv the : resurrection and the- ' snatched the book out of thiat startled official's hands, and said : "Get out of the way. . . . I am the resurrection- and the life!" The emphasis on the "I" wasn't lost on the burial party, who restrained themselves with difficulty. . ;' It is not generally known that special qualifications are required of those who would be telephonists. For instance, in Australia applicants fpr a position as a telephonist in the Commonwealth service must possess acute hearing, a clear voice, distinct enunciation and a reach of five .feet from

fitoger tips to finger tips. Nothing is said about requiring a good temper, a readiness. to repartee, an indifference to bad language or an ability to hustle. - * * * * On the . chance that it might get soniewhep-ef some time, Signor Marconi ten years ago sent out a wireless into the mysterious spaces among the stars. His idea, so he to'id an interviewer the other day, was that it might "go on " and on until it reached some planet inhabited by intelligent beings, and that they might be sufficiently advanced to understand the message and send a repiy. When he saw this interview in the newspapers, Nikola Tesla, another outstanding genius in, the wireless w r orld, said that as far back as 1890 he had received signals of a. kind that couldn't have come from any other part of the woi>!d and lie had concluded that they must; have come from some other planet. Well, it may be' so. Things are happening in the world to-day that wouldn't have been credited fifty years ago. * ■■ # * * * ■ « The genial Doc. Thacker is proving himself to" be a stei-n, proposition as the mayoral disciplinarian at the : meet'iiig's of > the Christchurch City : Council: vlTliere is a fair sprinkling of \ new members, in the new Council and, ■ asis the wayfvyith all this kind of flesh, thgg: want;:.to get up and talk more . thafh they "oughter." At the last meeting of : the Council, so the papers say^"the Doc. used the phrase. "Please • resume your seat," more often than •hevsaid ''Motion carried." ■;':'.'';""":*■ " ' # * ■*. . ' Bob Semple, M.P., has been speaking about the coal situation. Well, we are always pleased to get ' some light on it, but a modicum of warmth as well, if the miners don't mind us saying so. Mr Semple says that the situation is very serious, and it will continue to be serious until the miners get certain things, to wit, more money, nationalisation and decent housing. He says the housing conditions at Blackball, for instance,, are appalling, and plain justice compels us to state that the conditions there, as revealed at the recent town-plan-ning conference, leave something very much to be desired, Mr Semple says /there should be no difficulty about the coal supply if these and other matters mentioned by him are remedied. The State Mine on the Coast has provided the public with an" illustration of the fact that nationalisation is not a panacea for labour • troubles. The truth of the matter is that Mr Semple, on previous Statements made in public, has revealed himself as a bitter enemy of the capitalistic system, and nothing will satisfy him but its abolition, root and branch. He has shown himself to be a sympathiser of Bolshevism.' If Mr Semple means to substitute Bolshevism for capitalism, then all other argu- : merits about giving the public a fair ■deal if;the public will give the miners-ar-fair .deal are so much waste paper. A,man who-has to subsist on tinned ? meat and put> up, with cold feet in a /■fireless winter isn't likely to get into a frame of mind to listen to Mr -" -v-.' : ■'-■■•'*' ...'•*'■■ * * |v Wellington City Council is feet deep v- in worry over the tramway problem. The. trams \ at all hours, practically "speaking, are full, and at the rush times they are packed like sardines. The tram men say they will refuse to work at all if the overcrowding doesn't stop soon. The obvious . remedy is more cars, but if the Corporation put on ten, fifty, a hundred new cars tomorrow, there is not enough current to make them move, so ' what is the use? The Corporation wants to in-

crease its power, plant, but finds that the manufacturers want anything from two hundred to three hundred per cent, above pre-war rates. The other day the pressure at one of the rash times was so great that a line of cars had to stand still to enable another heavy load to get over incline section. And then there's the coal problem. Life is just one blinkin' thing after another, as Ole Bill would say if the war was still on. . '>' •& » ♦ * ■ A propos of possible knighthoods to be conferred when the Prince of comes to New Zealand, it", is recollected that one colonial notable who caught the eye of H.R..H. the Duke of York in 1901, and subsequently got dubbed in silk breeches at Windsor, made a bad break at the ceremony. George had in the interim become George Rex. Failing to catch the expected, gleam of recognition in the Royal eye, this eager notable said— ' 'Your Majesty must surely recollect that you . met me at—'' At thi"s the remaining hair of the Master of Ceremonies rose Upright; It is sacrilege to claim old acquaintance with Royalty, which has the privilege of recollecting only when it likes. < * * * • * With Sir Harry Lauder looming here in the riot distant future the usual Lauder, stories are beginning to„. go the rounds. A propos,. Harry him-v self tells a 'good story from the front about a dispute between a <Jock and a Jew a.s» to, which race had contributedthe most notable figures to history, so they settled it, or tried.to, in the following manner :. For • each great name that Sandy named of a Scot whom history had honoured he was to pull out one of Ikey's hairs; and Ikey was to have the same privilege. "Do ye begin !" said Sandy. "Moses!" said Ikey, and pulled. "Rabbie Burns !" said Sandy, and returned the compliment. ' 'Abraham 1" said Ikey, arid pulled again. ' "Ouch! Duggie Haig!" said Sandy. And then Ikey grabbed a handful of hairs at once. "Joseph .and his brethren!" lie , said, gloating a'bit as he watched the tears starting from Sandy's e3 r es. "So it's pulling them out in'bunches ye are!" said Saridy. "Ah, well, man —." and he reached with both 'hands for Ikey's thatch. "The Hieland Brigade!" he roared, arid pulled all the hairs his two' hands would hold ! * * * * Philip Gibbs, the brilliant London war correspondent, is at last able to write about experiencing the agony of seeing his "stuff"-mangled by the censor and in his latest writings he has lifted the lid off the mouth of hell in his vivid memories of what he saw in the terrible days of fighting. Much of what he has already written is already more or less familiar to us from talks with our boys who have been lucky enough to come back, but some notes about the enemy's methods of warfare are worth Quoting if only for the purpose of stiffening our

resolve never again to have dealings with a German. The "Germans were first to make use of the land mine as a weapon of war, and for weeks, till we had evolved counter-measures, our men ; ;had, to' stand in or patrol their trenches with "the consciousness-that at any moment the earth might open beneath their feet and bits of their bodies hurled, sky-high." Then came ;the hideous ; flamenwerfer, the .'>. flame thrower. The King's Own Eifles were the first to experience this new terror of v the battlefield. ' 'As they stood-to in; the trenches they were aware, of some liquid falling lightly upon them, and it smelt of petroleum. In a few minutes they saw German soldiers advancing upon them with canisters .strapped to their shoulders', .and hosepipes from; which jets of flame gushed out twenty yards ahead. V Some ■■ Of the King's Royal Rifles caught fee and ■ were charred to cinders. Others beat the flames out of their clothes, crying and cursing, and others in spite of their burns, fired through those of flarae and Germans carrying canisters were -burned to death in their, own fire." * \ '* ';...;*.'*'."■■.. ■', /;*;:•; "v": Then" came poison gas, the worst horror of all: "The enemy was devilishly ingenious in his methods: r ; and varieties of gas poisoning. He iriade it heavy so that it filtered down" into our cellars in Arras and Armentieresy where men lay sleeping and breathed in its poison.: He made, it invisible,and odorless so that when gas masks were invented our meri; .did not know when to wear them. 'He Made a gas which caused us to- -vomit, and. when we, took off oiir gas 'masks aenf over .another gas which killed. And then he invented "mustard gas," the worst of all, which deposited a brown-: ish poAvder arid burned through men's clothes and raised enormous blisters arid blinded them." And so on, through the: tale of war horrors; Tfc ; is some consolation to know that after many months of needless delay and reams, of protests we decided to reply with the', same medicine, only more so, and the Huns were sorry for it when weAgot going, for in every kind of war horror that we countered with we; excelled the Germans. * ■".-■'"*: '.-.*-. . ." * ' For a bit of, hard luck the experience of a Wellington citizen ■■ of the jovial variety the other night wilJ take some beating. He had been to a stag party, and holding his breath he crept quietly into his bedchamber as the gray dawn was breaking. Sitting on the edge of the bed, he cautiously undid . his boots. But, with. all his.care,..his wife stirred in bed, and he presently was all too well aware of a pair of sleepy eyes regarding him over -the „ edge of the sheet. "Why. Tom," , yawned the little woman, "how early you are this morning!" "Yes, my* dear," Tom, "Fv e got up to go up the line for the firm to-day!" And re-placing his footgear the wretched man dragged Tiis aching limbs out again into the cold and heartless streets.