IT IS TOWN TALK

Free Lance, Volume XVIII, Issue 984, 14 May 1919, Page 22

IT IS TOWN TALK

—That Germany started out to lick the world and only got as far as its boots. ~. —That every returned soldier is entitled to go back to the job he had before the war—says Brigadier-Gener-al Richardson. —That because there's been no news from Egypt and India it doesn't follow there's nothing doing' in those parts.. The trouble goes down a heap below the surface. •- —That some of the scientists reckon that the ancients have forgotten more than we'll ever know: They'll be telling us. that it was a Üboat that swallowed Jonah! —That the Russian bourgeoisie don't care what happens to Kaiser Bill. What they particularly want to know is going to happen to Lenin and Trotsky npw that the Wheel of Fortune is giving; them a crook spin. ■ —That what with British, American, New Zealand, South African, Chinese. Canadian, Jamaican, Indian, Portuguese and the Cook Island slang on . the Western Front, the French language will never recover from the war. —That if the Defence Minister wants a man who can run the Defence Department without raising sore spots in the community we can _tell him where to get him. His initials, G.S.R., stand for "Good Service Rendered." . - . ■. -s—That the Wellington tramwaymen have decided that if the City Council won't take steps to stop the overcrowding of the cars their Union will act v on its own account. It's about time somebody a did something. What about getting some motor-busses and organising an overflow scheme? —That it 5 had to come. The bank clerks are getting together in New Zealand -for the purpose of bettering their pay conditions. Wonder if it will ever come to a Wives' "Union to get some more pin-money, an annual holiday, minimum of two dresses and hats a year, and two nights out per week at the pictures.

—That "a gentleman wishes to sell a wedding suit, twice worn." . "We trust this is not a .case of bigamy. —That the : flu epidemic is closely related to swiiie fever. This goes to confirm the belief that it comes from Germany. —That it now takes forty-five pence to buy twelve eggs in ' Wellington.. Will the Board of Trade please fix the price of money? —That a visiting American declares that President Wilson is the greatest statesman of the day. He certainly has his Points. —That there is a great moaning at the baf in the United States just now. How's that? Well, hasn't the country gone dry ? —That a few words mumbled by a minister constitute a marriage. A few words mumbled by a sleeping husband constitute a divorce. That Sir Harry Lauder will be tlie highest" salaried artist who ever toured Australasia, receiving £1000 for every six performances. —That Kaiser Bill wishes to return to der Faderland. In his seclusion m Holland with his 500-odd uniforms he seems all dressed up and nowhere to go—That some use has been found for the s'.s. Tutanekai' at last. The Government,'s little white elephant leaves this week for a vice-regal cruise round the Pacific. . An. anxious taxpayer wants to know what it is all going to cost.

—That if no one has yet called it the Peace that passeth all understanding it's high time someone did. / —That the Huns are again eonfronted by a "scrap of paper." We are now waiting for them to sign it. —That Dr. Mary Walker states that "any contagious disease can be driven out of a city by the plentiful supply of onions." So can one-half tha population. —That the friction between ActingPremier Allen and Mayor Luke over a question of personal dignity touching the reception of General Sir Andrew Russell, might easily have been avoided by the Government receiving the distinguished General at Parliament House. —That high boots are to be higher than ever, and short skirts shorter. There are three distinct lengths in the short skirt as it is at present. There is the standing-up length, which reaches almost to the knees. Then there is the sitting-down length, which is a trifle above, and the sitting-down-and-crossing-the-legs, which is a trifle above a joke.