ENTRE NOUS

Free Lance, Volume XVIII, Issue 949, 19 September 1918, Page 18

ENTRE NOUS

A WELLINGTON Tommy, who wrote in July last from ''Somewhere in France," mentions that oil returning to France on April 3rd after a short spell of Blighty leave, "I found our division had shifted from Flanders to the Somme, had taken part in stopping Fritz, and had SO' covered themselves with glory as to provoke enthusiastic head-lines in the Parisian papers: 'How the New Zealand Division Saved the British Army.' Incidentally, let me say that by all accounts, the Froggies speak no more than the truth, hut I- say no more for the moment. I returned to< France fully expecting to go at once to the Front and assist in hurling back those accursed brutes of •Central Europe. But no, that foul torrent of Hun swine was stemmed and I found myself once more in the Entrenching Battalion."

This soldier may have felt a bit livery when he wrote or he may have teen unfortunate in his experiences, but he doesn't draw a rosy pipture of "things as he found them "in the Army." Listen: "The influx of American troops is what I like to see. I have great faith in the Yanks. They strike me. as being out for one set purpose : thoroughly to beat the Hun. Our British authorities are alleged to be •out for the same purpose, but there is so much underhand work, so many vested interests,class privileges, lovers of Germany, red tape, etc., etc., that our original intention of crushing the Hun is thwarted at every turn. Not so America. Far more democratic than poor old England, they never hesitated about conscription. ' Cabinet was not afraid of . the masses, nor afraid to call up the rich, nor to apply conscription to wealth as well as flesh and blood. Moreover, they did not shilly-shally nor waste time for about 18 months while Russia was being

over-run and Gallipoli failing. They at once mapped out Titanic war-pro-grammes and set to work on Germany's lines —standardise everything, no fear Q or favour and no red-tape. "Then, too, Mr. Wilson is not a mere talker. When he does speak it is becaxise lie lias something to say. The man who can speak as he did on Independence Day is the statesman after illy own heart. Listen to his concluding words: " 'The blinded rulers of Prussia have aroused forces they knew little of, forces which once roused can never be crushed to earth again, for they have at their heart an inspiration and purpose which are deathless, and of the very stuff of triumph.' "Fine words, of course, but supported by the 'most practical common-sense war-policy with no nonsense about the wickedness of reprisals, etc.". Then our Colonial soldier gives the British Army a turn: "Our British Army is founded on the class system—an officer caste who are the aristocrats and the wealthy; an 'other-ranks' caste who do the dirty work. The former class is to enjoy all the privileges; the latter to receive all the kicks. Now I do not see how one could found an army on any other principle. All would work splemdidly if the officers thought first and foremost of wiping out the Hun, secondly of meting out real justice:— justice which springs from mercy, not from King's Regulations—and thought thirdly and lastly of their privileges. Unfortunately, however, I find the privileges are the first things.

A Wellington house-hunter answered an advertisement describing "a charming villa residency, within a stone's throw of a tram-stop." He made an appointment with the veracious landagent responsible for the advertisement and in due course he was escorted to the house in question • located a mile distant from any tram and perched right on a hill-top. When at last they reached the place, the house-hunt-er turned to the agent and panted: "Would you mind introducing me to the person who threw that stone?"

Divorce apparently is not so easy in Australia as it is in Reno or even in New Zealandj where recently the Chief Justice was timed to sever a number of matrimonial knots running into double figures in almost as many minutes. For instance, in Melbourne the other day a petitioner sought divorce from her lord and master on the grounds of habitual cruelty. Whereupon His Honor the King's Judge in his wisdom expounded : "Because a man gives his wife black eyes on three occasions, the_ law doesn't say she is entitled to a divorce." And the petitioner in the case, despite her three times blackened and otherwise damaged optics, had to go away without a decree. * * * ■» No less: than 45 Aussieis have won Victoria Crosses in this war. Of this number thirteen have paid for their valour with their lives. Six others have been returned, invalided, to Australia. That leaves 25 still on service; and of these thirteen have accepted the otter of the Federal authorities to return to Australia on furlough, with a view to. seeing whether their presence here will be more effective than the stump oratory of members of Parliament in giving recruiting the fillip it needs. *•* * # The phrase, "peaceful penetration," as applied to German methods of espionage, has quite a different meaning to the Aussies. They slip out in unobtrusive parties these late summer evenings in France, and quietly surrounding a Hun patrol they give Fritz the swift choice between "Kamerad" and the kiss of the bayonet. It is mostly "Kamerad." This sort of stunt they call "peaceful penetration," because, as one of them puts it, "this is a' quiet way of slipping into the German Army ™. a k e up for some of their blighters kidding their way into our forces in Australia just before the war." "But if they don't kamerad," Billjim was asked, "where does the peaceful part of it come then?" "Oh, in that case the penetration comes first and the peace afterwards. They lie Very peaceful after we have penetrated them. By one means or another we bring them to & realisation of our brand of kultur. If they don't learn it here, they learn it m Heaven."

* *. # * The dizzy limit in war-time entertainments has surely been reached in Melbourne, where recently, according to a local correspondent, invitations were issued for a "garter" and bridge party. Guests were in a simmer of excitement to find out what form a "garter" party would take. And this, states the writer, is what happened. There were bridge and supper, and— after supper—the women were whisked away into one room, while the men remamed alone. When the male guests, were bidden to enter the other room, they sauntered in, and found a sheet suspended across the room, lifted a short distance from the floor, and there stood a row of silk-stockinged

legs—just garter-high.. Each man was gi ven a. card and pencil, and he had to guess the owner of each pair of silkcovered legs. The prize for the expert who guessed rightly was a box of cigars. Not stated whether the winner was eligible for military service. If he were, his time could be better employed at another game not so frivolous.

Who says Number 13 is unlucky? One of the Australian Press delegation abroad writes that his berth on the Vancouver steamer was 13; his room at a New York hotel was likewise the devil's number; his birthday is on the 13th inst.; and he is on his thirteenth sea voyage. He himself is one of a family of thirteen; his youngest son is thirteen years of agei, and in a visit to an American newspaper office there were thirteen in the party. He says, after that he is prepared to smash a mirror or walk under a ladder thirteen times without incr eta sing his life insurance.

A canvass undertaken recently in the United States to discover how many women are available for war work is said to show that therei are practically no unmarried actresses; while scarcely any of the women glorified in circus posters as acrobats, wire walkers, and the like ,are the misses or mademoiselles their poster names advertise them to be. On the other hand, so vast a majority of women teachers are spinsters that girls' who choose that honourable and useful calling may also be said to leave matrimonial hopes behind them on entering the , schoolhouse door.

A fussy old gentleman of the Wowser type caused some fun in a- crowded Wellington tram bound to Athletic Park last Saturday. He got into conversation with a strap-hanging supporter of Rugby football, who is dead against Danny Weir's innovations and this conversation ensued : — "Have you any children, sir?" "Yes, sir, a son." ' 'Ah, indeed! Does he smoke ?'' ' 'No, sir, _he has never so much as touched a cigarette." "So much the better, sir; the use of tobacco is a bad habit. Does he frequent clubs?" "He has never put his foot in one." "Allow me to congratulate you. Does he never come home late?" "Never. He goes to bed directly after dinner." "A model young man, sir, a model young man. How old is he?" "Just six months." # •» -3- ifAn American comedian was tickling New York's funny-bone considerably when the last mail left with his monologue on a peaceful settlement of the Irish question. He settles the great question, by declaring that Britain should give Home Rule to Ireland, only reserving for herself the motion picture rights. * * * * One of the knuts vouches for this being a dinkum yarn. A lady, engaging a new maid, was rather nonplussed by the latter refusing to clinch the bargain unless she could name her own evenings off. The evenings she demanded did not suit the mistress, who offered every inducement to the girl to take the situation. At last the truth of the matter came out. "It's this way, you see," said the mueh-in-demand domestic, "I've got a third interest in a fur coat, and I've got to have the evenings off when it's my turn to wear it." She triumphed! * * -S- * The interesting little romance of the .marriage' of a Wallstreet young man, belonging to one of New York's best families, to a slangy chorus girl is related by "Puck." Their first meeting was quite casual. He happened to be present at a Broadway performance and he became enamoured of the blonde, third from the left. He sent her a note by the ushers and l'sceived the following reply:—"Will I fall for a. little feed in a lobster joint with you? Will a duck swim? Slip the Cerberus a yen and stick around the stage entrance. I'll be togged in blue scenery with a lid of the same colour, trimmed in violets. When you see me, chirp.—Yours, Adele Pillington (Mae Flynn for short). 3 ' They had the "lobster joint." Arrived at her boardingouse Mae said: "Kiss me good-

night, kid, and beat it," and he followed instructions. To cut the narra-' tive short the youth married the chorus girl. There) was a merry riot when the family were notified, but finally the young man pei*suaded them to invite his wife up to dinner. Then he invited a lot of other people. Mae used all her slang talk and knocked the book of etiquette ■ into the middle of next week. And everybody said: — "Charming! Such verve, such originality ! Such free and brilliant abandon ! She is delightful! A fresh and sparkling addition to, our social circle." In brief, she was the hit of the ing, and everyone wanted to invite her out.