IT IS TOWN TALK

Free Lance, Volume XVII, Issue 916, 1 February 1918, Page 22

IT IS TOWN TALK

—That'-the trouble with Wellington's Municipal Milk Scheme is that it won't hold water. —Thai) there are fifty columns of "Cohens" in the New York directory. And yet they say Jerusalem is in Palestine. —That with all her Zeppelins, Germany hasn't been able to do to London what the motor traffic has done to the Hutt-road. —That the war is costing every American half-a-crown a day. And every American hopes that it will cost Kaiser Bill a "crown." " —That it is all right to call a man a prince of a fellow. But if you have any regard for your carcase don't ' call him the Crown Prince. —That a facetious Wellington "Liverpill" writes: had a goat for dinner yesterday. It was the first bit of butter we'd had for months." —That about the unluckiest man in 'the'-world is.the exile who was brought back to Russia from .serving a nice, quiet life sentence in Siberia. —That Premier Massey''and. Finance Minister Ward are getting ready - for another period of Home Service, although both are well over military age. .;.... —That munition girls in Britain are now allowed' a "smoke-oh" between meals. "Cartridge Glare" not only smokes "gaspers," but even assumes the masculine pipe. —That while the milk question is such a burning topic, "Pro bono publico" suggests another reform—the supplying of all early-morning milkohs; with rubber heels. —That last year's war taxes of Millionaire William Waldorf Astor (Lord Aster of Cliveden) were £80,000 more; than his total income. At this rate in about 200 years his descendants may get the laugh, on the Government by not having anything left.

IF THE ZEPPELIN RAIDERS VISITED WELLINGTON.

—That sound travels at the rate of 400 yards per second. Exceptions to the rule are: Scandal (1000 yards per second), Flattery (500 yards), Truth (2i yards), and Alarm Clock (?). —That Dr. Thacker seems very optimistic about getting "my man Poison" into the' Wellington North seat. Meanwhile, the Doctor keeps firing away at the Defence Department. —That it is a long time since we hieard ; of the Bulgarian artillery hitting anything. Now, if they'd only hit their sly old monarch, Fefdy the Fox, just to break their long silence, no one would mind. —That a monument is;being erected in Petone to the fame of Tom Wilford, M.P.i. It takes the form of "the Wilford Settlement," which is the name given by the Lands Department to a block of small sections at the eastern end of Petone Borough, which are being offered on renewable lease. /Some men are born to fame, some achieve fame, and some have fame thrust upon them. Tom, of course, is in the second-class ;

—That Ireland's oldest inhabitant, aged 109, has just died. He must have given, up all hope of living to see Home Rule for Ireland. —That the war, which has been so cruel to art, is to do it a. good turn at last. Reports come from Berlin and Munich -that bronze statues in Germany are to be melted down for munition purposes. —That the possibilities of Ltesert Gold's trip to Australia are estimated in hard cash to be worth anything up to £6000. As owner Lowry has offered all her winnings l in Australia to New Zealand patriotic funds, even the most straight-laced wowser will at least wish the champion racing machine good luck on the other side. —That the surface of Northern France, pock-marked with shell-holes, is not a circumstance to the condition of the Hutt-road with its cataracts, and canyons. One motorist going out to the races the other day reports that his car fell into a deep chasm and disappeared from view of the outside world for fully five minutes.

That the Germans contemplateanother big attack on. Verdun. Ouir French Allies may be relied upon togive their visitors another fitting re-, ception. : —That; Sir John Findlay has been paying his 22nd visit to the Alpine regions of Mount Cook. Sir John is a great climber as -his career sufficiently indicates. —That there is a. growing feeling: among the citizens of Wellington for a return to the system of ward representation. People are complaining that certain portions of the city are very unfairly treated in the allocation: of the expenditure. —That Viscount Northelifle, owner of London "Times," is dissatisfied with the Government, but declines to take a Cabinet place. Maybe Nprtheliffecould not run the Government any better if he were in the Cabinet, but Lloyd George could if he were on a* newspaper. —That while the dust nuisance | oF late has been very prevalent in windy Wellington, water-carts : . have been. conspicuous by their absence. Can't our City Fathers send an expert-, to Napier or Dannevirke or Taihape or Waipukurau or Levin to report how they lay the dust in these progressiveplaces?