It Is Town Talk

Free Lance, Volume XVI, Issue 866, 9 February 1917, Page 26

It Is Town Talk

—That after singing the Baby to - sleep some women proceed to talk their husbands to sleep. —That Kaiser Bill puts his Deity to . very base uses. He now tells his people that the Lord -is his sword. ■" - _ —That widows and windows are alike in this respect—that when you are near one, you had better look out. —That one of the first duties of a wounded soldier is to inscribe something in an autograph album. Every nurse possesses one- . —That Joseph Cook, leader of the Opposition in the Federal Parliament, was once a-„ local preacher. So were many of our politicians. ■ —That \tea-shop prices in London are still rising. A boiled egg now costs 4£d, while two poached eggs on toast cost lid, as-compared'with 6d before the war. —That shortage of bacon in Germany is attributed to the wholesale, slaughter of pigs early in the war. Evidently, no rasher methods could have - been taken. —That dear old England .is fast changing from the old order. Recently a domestic tried to get a job as wardmaid in a workhouse. She failed—the --workhouse was empty! —That the Kaiser "hopes" that God " would be with the Germans in the fighting. Can it be that Bill the Blighter is losing faith? Two years ago he was sure' of it. —That, a man with a three-days' growth of beard may not be a pleasant sight, but he is a- lot more-attractive than a woman with about a quarter of an inch of powder all over her face. -—That the latest batch of , was played down to the railway station .this week. It is a rule that should never have been -departed from. Patriotism deserves the utmost encouragement. —That a girl worries more about a speck of dirt on her sweetheart's coat before she marries him than she does after the knot is tied. Then it is the . long hair on his coat that gives her all the trouble! —-That the Russians have captured a great' quantity of champagne loot which the Huns had carted from Northern Prance. Sailors; of the German High Sea Fleet, however, are. not a bit perturbed—they still stick to port. ■ —That it is semi-officially estimated that 20,000,000 shells have fallen in.the Ypres district since the big "guns first began to'speak. No wonder the Tommies call the place "Wipers"—it must pretty well be wiped right off the by how; —That science boasts of its achievements when it reconstructs an entire prehistoric animal from a single bone. With, prices going up as they are, science may boast of a still greater achievement if it will construct a fine fat turkey, from a single wish-bone. —That the drain issuing from a certain city restaurant was blocked the other day, and, on the Corporation official getting to work with his probes, knives and forks to the number r o£ six dozen and a-half were brought to light. Sinks provide good business for tha cutlery trade. -—That the Huns are vaunting their war surgery. Two years ago 80 per cent of their wounded (they allege) returned to the front: Last year 90 per cent, returned. Soon they will be telling us that every time an enemy bullet- hits one of them in the head, its only effect is to, fill a hollow tooth for . - him. —That our tireless Navy roped in some enemy mails the other day, and in one of the bags was an autograph letter from Queen Sophie of Greece to her sister-in-law, the German Empress. The letter complained that the last lot of curls sent to the writer from Berlin by the court barber at Potsdam, were far too grey in colour! —That one of the curious religious sects in New Zealand is that which calls itself the "Church of the Seven Rules of Jehovah." It has eight ministers^—all Maoris —who are gazetted as officiating ministers under the marriage Act. There is another Maori sect called the "Ringatu Church," which has ten Maoris.

—That the little -ripples in a woman's laugh have drowned many a champion swimmer. -—That it is suggested that imported eggs should be boycotted. There are some eggs—and they are not always imported ones—which it is- a real pleasure to boycott. —That the initials "Y.M-C.A." are still- supplying mental exercise to some of the soldiers/ and the headquarters in London report the following versions ■-. — ■ You Must Come Around. You Make Christianity Attractive. You Must Come Again. —That the 1916 vintage in France is both poor and scarce. New Zealand householders, who have to grapple with the high: cost of'living question three hundred and sixty-five days in the year, will be greatly relieved at this news. —That New Zealand Mounted men, who,,-on arrival in Egypt, have been transferred to the Camel Corps, are not highly elated at the change. And one who was recently bitten by a bullcamel, says he is not sure which is the worse—the smell of the beast or its bite. ."'.-.'. —-That the British Navv is not likely to disappear into- funk-holes like the Kiel Canal at the ■. thought of those 5000-ton , submersible warships which the cables this week tell us ( Germany is building. As indicated in a para- ; graph, in last -week's Free Lanob, - Britain has already some of these submersibles—and of a much bigger, type, too. —That "the tramcar seats"—so writes an American medico-specialist— "should be so shaped as to conform to the curve of the back and'they should be at the proper distance from the floor." The Wellington Municipality, however, .considers that it is quite sufficient to make the straps by which the .passenger suspends himself conform nicely to the curve of the hand.

—That the Kaiser declares that the Fatherland must have a colony after the war. St. Helena? ~ : - —Tliat a letter written 2200, 8.C., and never delivered has been discovered. The man who forgot to post it will never be found. Long ago he went to meet his just.deserts. —That another American vessel has been sunk and an American sailor killed. President Wilson still patiently waits for "the first overt act" before declaring war on Hun Land. , -—That a brother of Georges Carpentier. the famous French boxer and aviator, is at present a resident of Mas-•te-rton. If so, Masterton has been keeping very quiet about it. —That a/conscript lately pleaded ''conscientious objections." The "conscientious' ' obj ectipn was dressed in white chiffon, with a green picture hat, half leg boots, and flesh coloured hose. —That the spirit of feminine revolt has reached India and. the wife, instead of waiting on her husband'. while he eats and gratefully accepting what he loaves, now sits down with hini and takes her share. The next news from India must be that he is doing the cooking for the family. 'X —That it is proposed /that awards,, decorations, and distinctions should be conferred for home' service.. They should be cut up between the Parliamentary party that toured recently the roadless north, the waterside workers, and the big shipping companies who so "loyally" put~up their freights. - —That, according to this New Year's statistics, the fair sex outnumber the rest of humanity in New Zealand's four cities to the following extent: — Auckland, 9185; Wellington, 5384: Christchurch, 7053 j Dunedin, 6105. lii Auckland, therefore, the competition for husbands is keenest, and in Wellington the pace is not nearly so fast.