AMERICAN GIRL MARRIES A SCOTTISH BARONET.

Free Lance, Volume XVI, Issue 839, 28 July 1916, Page 11

AMERICAN GIRL MARRIES A SCOTTISH BARONET.

•China. You give me ten bob." "No fear," replied John laconically. "Me no .like Empla China; but allee same you like Clown Prince, German." Yes it "was a good one, all right—the "clown" prince. * * * * Our warriors in khaki sometimes have a queer way of comforting a sick comrade. A non-com. at present in camp at Featherston states that he caught the fashionable "flu" and was ordered to hospital with it He wa& carried in to -the hospital on a stretcher one evening. Lights were turned low in the ward when he arrived, and out of the darkness he was greeted with such remarks as: "My, don't he look bad?" "Say, mate, you won't live till the morning!" "By Jove, he'll have to be operated on right away!" "Just wait until the old -chap (the medico) begins to carve him ■up!" The voices belonged to other sol-dier-inmates of the ward. * . * * '» A good one is going the rounds at the expense of a well-known city gent, who frequently goes shopping with his better half. The other day he was observed by himself, looking about anxiously, in one of our big sofi>goods emporiums. The shopwalker approached him and in courteous tones enquired : '' Any thing I can do for you, sir?" "I have lost my wife," replied the igent. "Ah, yes," promptly returned the shopwalker; "mourning goods next floor. Will you waQk or take the lift?"

The long-drawn out trial of the Maori "prophet'' Rua advanced another stage last week, when accused completed his evidence after twenty-two hours in the witness-box. The Court languidly listened as the evidence drifted on. Rua at one stage stated that the Bible he possessed weighed 771bs. He said that it was given to him as a very weighty thing, and that was why he had had it weighed. He also said that that there are 77 sins before us from the beginning of the world to the present day —a sin for each lb or a lb for each sin. This prompted His Honour to observe that a total of 77 sins was not a. very extravagant computation. But the "prophet" held that it was a very considerable number. « • * * A propos of the fact that Lloyd George lias been given the job of settling the Irish muddle, "Puck" observes: "Whenever England lias a particularly irksome and thankless task, it lets George do it." To which we add that the reason is obvious: George knows how. * * « * The amateur competitions, which had a great vogue all over New Zealand three or four years ago, are still kept up in Paliiatua. This year's competitions were held in Pahiatua last week. Pahiatua has popularised its festivals by substituting such as "The Irish Washerwoman's Dance" for dreary debates, and while this, as the local paper

points out, may not come strictly under the heading of Art, it nevertheless fills a purpose in entertaining the public. Much interest was aroused in the patriotic speeches competition at this Pahiatvia festival. The competition was judged simultaneously by. the public by popular vote and by the official judge. Curiously enough, the competitor awarded first place by the popular vote was placed last by the official judge. This proves that judges, like doctors, sometimes differ.