ENTRE NOWS.

Free Lance, Volume XV, Issue 792, 3 September 1915, Page 10

ENTRE NOWS.

THE clan Mac'eod is well represented on a certain big Orient liner, now converted into an auxiliary cruiser, and which hunted down and sank the German pirate ship Navarra. In her crew of 70 Scotch seamen from Stornowav 25 of them answer to the name Macleod. There's a nice snag for any German to bump up against! The chief gunner's name is Roderick Macleod, and it is said that when the quondam. Orient liner goes into action, he stands on a gun and hollers, "The men of to-day are just as good as the men of the past, but no German is the man to tread over the hills and glens of tbe land of our forefathers." This, of course, he throws off his chest in Gaelic, and it makes all the Macleods from Stornoway skip round with armfuls ' of hundred-pound shel'.s as lightly as if it were the sweet Flora or Jessie or lona in. their arms when they gathered for the piping and the dancing ?n the chieftain's' hall. Every true-blooded son of Caledonia who reads of these 70 Scots from Stornoway will at once cry out: "Bratach Bhan Chlann Aiodh." For a translation of this just ask Dr. Gibb or the Hon. Dr. McNab.

-The name Anzae frequently crops up of late with reference to the operations at Gallipoli, but it was only the other day, when an English war correspondent sent along to his paper the explayation of the name, that the outside world knew that it had any special significance. The explanation of the name is as follows: A (Australian), NZ (New Zealand), AC (Army Corps).

That inveterate joker, Mr. Peter Virtue (manager of the Northern Roller Millis, in Auckland), where- "Champion" flour and "Standard" oats come, from, has been at at again. This is how he ■nulls the leg of the legal member for that idyllic place, Eden : —

Dear Free Lance, Wellington,—Mr. Parr recently was much agitated _ in mind about imoorted eggs not being marked: in fact, half a page in Hansard was given to his remarks on the momentous question, and,, so as to break "if' gently, I sent the following telegram, which has not brought forth a

rep'y—do you know the time an incubater takes to give one in. tangible form?

C. J. Parr, Esq., M.P., Wellington — No necessity to mark eo-Qis referred to, as they were imported for electioneering purposes and not for table use. — VIRTTJE.

[Perhaps Christopher needs a little more time to hatch a reply that Peter won't be able to crow over. —Ed. N.Z.F.L.]

Melbourne "Punch" tells its readers that "Even to-day there are some Maorilanders firmly convinced that their thousand or two eontingenters won the South African war." This is certainly a new one on to us, but now that the secret is out —why not ? Wasn't it Bill Adams who did likewise before us?

Some busy knittez-s have been thoughtful enough to insert a packet of cigarettes into the toe of each pair of socks they complete for wounded soldiers at the front. News arrives that at one of the base hospitals one morning a careful nurse, decided that one of her convalescent patients required a new pair of socks, so off she bustled ' and procured a pair from the stores. The delight of her patient on discovering inside the toe of each a packet of cigarettes, and a cheery note from the knitter, was quite touching. But the rush for new socks that followed later was rather embarrassing to the nurses; every patient suddenly discovered the one thing necessary to his health and happiness that day was a new pair of socks!

Dear Free lAnce, —This is the horseless age, even unto the last resting place. Soon, no more will the genuine pair of black gee-gees or the dyed imitationsl pull our deceased relation to the eternal peace so few of us deserve. The motor hearse is now the swagcer "stiff" conveyance, and no doubt ere long the poor, who have never had a ,joy ride in a taxi, will be driven to their burial ~'n a pneumatic-tyred, silver-plated auto. Saw two funerals ascending the Terrace. The motor beat the horses easily ioi the slow race to the grave. It was a lovely machine—stream-line body, electric starter, four lights to find the way home from the wake, and an extra silent horn. But it was exhausting so densely that the smoke looked as though Old Nick was doing his job prematurely. Such a sumptuous vehicle is enough to make some people want to die, just to look down from Above and observe the envy of their enemies when the enemies read in the obituaries they "motored to the dust and ashes place." No doubt there was a hearseless horse in days of long ago ; The horse-drawn hearse has had its way for centuries I know. But now we have the horseless 1 hearse a'driving the departed— A. few more years, per airy-plane, will be the way they're carted. —Yours, etc., "Motahearsat." * * * * The Mock Court idea of raising patriotic funds is spreading like the measles, and had got as far as Kawhia last week. Mr. Leslie Reynolds, who has been making harbours at various points of the New Zealand coast, is now engaged in furnishing Kawhia with one, and

so he was the first man "run in." The Court fined him £1 for delaying so longto bring H.M.S. Queen Elizabeth to thetop of the mud .flats, and Leslie at once asked "His Worship" to double it, which he promptly did.

There is a .-justifiable, spirit of rivalry between the various secondary schools of the Dominion as to the respective number of old boys, eacb has fighting for the cause of liberty at the ' front. In this connection Mr. Itenner, on© of : the staff at Wellington College, supplies the Free Lance with some, figuresregarding: the number of old) boys belonging to that institution who have responded to the Empire's call. In all 620 t Wellington College old boys are onactive service; 20 have been killed, 3" are missing, 34 wounded, 1 has been. mentioned in despatches, I bas won the Distinguished Service Medal, and 1 (Commander B. C. Freyberg) has -een awarded the Distinguished Service Order for conspicuous bravery. This iscertainly a Roll of Honour to be proud of, and one that will! take some licking. * # * *

Seeing that Turkey's navy is practically non est, it would be far more appropriate if the name of the German in supreme command of the Ottoman naval operations was changed from Admiral Von TJsedom to Admiral Von Useless,. This TJsedom is another of those Germans who, as a matter of errace, have been decorated by our British sovereigns. He received from Queen Victoria a Knight Cpmmandership of the Order of St. Michael and St. George. Subsequently King Edward bestowed upon him the Grand Cross of the Victorian Order, and held him in such high esteem that the Admiral was frequently selected by the Kaiser for official and personal missions to the Court of St. James's. The irony of it!

Dear Fbeh Lance,—Perhaps this will appeal to the tickly part of your anatomy where your humour is kept. An Irishman was had up before a wellknown magistrate and prohibited from drink. Some weeks after: Out in the suburbs, without any fear £addy was joyously drinking a' beer, lhA creak of a door made his nerves jar, Somebody thirstily entered! the bar One glance; Pat left like lightning Suit £ti£. The drinker before him was Charlie the Beak. -—Yours, etc.,W.H.', Palmerston North. *■* * * . A „F e P° r * m a New York paper states m effect that the boot and shoe manufacturers at a meeting, decided that women this coming season would wear the plain, sensible, black shoe instead of the fancy footwear that has been so Popular. The wearers, as usual, have no say m the matter. *.* * * Mrs Philip Snowden, wife of the Enghng Labour leader in the House of I^^^A,"^?* 68 tlle following story of tihe battlefield a s told to her by a bS*isnx)aoer during her visit "to the tront: It as not always the shrieks of the wounded as they fall. It is not the sight of the dead as they lie there, but it is the cry of the wounded boys calling for their mothers, and there is no one to do anything for- them. They are tne boys of sixteen and seventeen, and even younger. They may say 'mother* or mutter, but in their agony all those boys call for the one who has given them tb.e greatest care in their lives." And yet they say women play no part in * * * * Despite statements to the contrary, Germany is evidently feeling the stran-.gle-hold that Jellicoe and his watchdogs have on her. It his been ordered - by. the German Government that all tennis courts the Fatherland must be ploughed up and sown in crops. What a howl there'd be if our new National Oabmet issued an edict that all tennis courts, cricket fields, and —yes—bowling greens in the Dominion should be dug up and put down in potatoes.