It is Town Talk

Free Lance, Volume XIV, Issue 707, 17 January 1914, Page 26

It is Town Talk

—That they spell it Ire-land in these angry times. —-That it is a long jump from the ' stone age to the gar-age. —That the" quick are those who get out of the way of automobiles; the dead are those who don't. —'•That some people are so clumsy that they couldn't crack a joke without hitting their fingers. —That woman's eternal question in Wellington to-day is either "What did she have on?" or "Will it wash?" —That the Nihilists are after Paderewski, but up to now no assassin has blackhanded the piano fiend next door. —That a certain gardening expert is trying to produce an odourless onion. Let him - try his hand on motor cars tool " '■■' '■ —That there was a time when a fellow could hide himself behind a< woman's petticoats. But not in these days of the split skirt. —That money may represent power, but have you ever noticed the less. money* a man has the sooner the doctor will cure him. —That nearly all the newest women's fashions are the outcome of the Bulgarian war. Now if the next war only happens in Central Africa 1 —That the teachers don't want an industrial union, but if they should get one, they ought to insist on at least a fortnight's holiday every year. —-That a certain parson is preaching some of his old sermons over again "by special desire." It is not ©very minister ■who scores, an encore like this. —That a-residence to be let in Westminster is advertised as "only a etone's throw from Downing-street." It should suit one of the militant suffragettes admirably. . , ~ . . —That a Bird Protection Society has been'formed in Wellington. Probable members are society dames who wear miniature poultry farms for millinery decoration. .„ - —That in Turkey a man never sees the face of his wife until after they are married. '- It seems th© Wellington damsels are not the only ones who us© paint and powder.' , —That the daily press puts up these headings: "Larkin in Dublin. Insult to the British Flag." Biljim fails to see that there is any joke in calling the Union Jack a dirty flag. —That while several Oriental Bathers were having a dip one fine afternoon last week, a scavenger drove his rubbish cart into the. midst of them. They lost no time in getting out of the polluted water. They were not having any of that sort of mixed bathing. , —That Mrs. Amelia C. Fisher, "th© 1 grand old woman of Sunbury," Pennsylvania, celebrated her one hundredth birthday' at her home the other day. A family reunion was' held, and she ate a turkey dinner, scolded her ,68-year-old son for smoking and not going to bed at 9 o'clock, and sang a songs # How many New Zealand centenarians are there who can still tune up? —That the cable-man at the other .side of the world wires out that the fashion-makers of Paris have decreed that yellow and gold and tan tones will Erevail in- the spring. As New Zealand as still to weather this summer, autumn and winter seasons before another ' springy that oable-man evidently believes in getting in early, and local married men, who have only just paid for their womenfolk's last spring toggery, will be mighty gratified at his up-to-dateness.

—That marriage proves that two can live as expensively as one. -r— That more failures result from advertising a .little too little than a little too much. —That many a poor fellow who goes hunting for a wife bags nothing but his trousers at the knees. —That a curious thing about horses is that those you bet on generally cost more than those you buy. —That about 15 clergymen are oh their way to New Zealand. Some of Britain's surplice population? — That at Papeete firemen had. to be driven aboard with revolvers. If only Someone had thought to wave a bottle of beer! ■ —That the secret of youth, from a feminine point of view, is to look younger than you, are and act younger than you look. —That the world's debt is estimated, at <£8,400,000,000. _ Isn't it about time Official Assignee Simpson was called in to examine this estate? —That the latest champion mean man to date is a Dunedinite who looks over the tops of his glasses for fear of wearing them out.

—That a certain English aviator was married the other day. Of course, he married an "airess." —That a sixteen guinea apple recently sold at Covent Garden is described as "the most costly" on record. Surely Adam paid a bigger price. —That in Mexican warfare the belligerents knock off fighting for meals. Apparently this is on the principle that a soldier can't fight on an empty stomach. —That some spurious - half-sovereigns were handed in at the totalisator at an up-country race meeting the other day. The anti-gamblers haven't so far passed a vote of sympathy with the racing club that ran the tote. —That it's a strange thing that the moving picture shows haven't shown us as "yet any views of the Mexican war. Is it because they haven't yet invented a cinematograph machine that can revolve as fast as the revolution there? —That the three' women in bathing costumes- who shocked, "Disgusted" at Lyall Bay the other day were visitors to Wellington. They come from a country where mixed bathing is not regarded as immoral. Their names—now, that's telling!