Out on the Links

Free Lance, Volume X, Issue 500, 29 January 1910, Page 9

Out on the Links

I SEE you have .a uierw tainmysba.nteix;," ..said Mrs. Maloney. " 'Tis the one I bought to play golf in," replied Mrs. McSweeaiey. "I thought I'd put, it on to see. hew you loiked it. You kneiw I'd jined the •Golf Club?" "I was touM somethin' about it," said Mrs. Maloney. "but it® Frinoh to me, so it is." "Well, I was injooced to. jine be .Mrs.-. M-acSaunderis. 'whose husbanjd is in a hank. She says to me, 'Mrs. McSweeney,' say© she, 'do you play golf?' " 'Phwat is golf ?' says' I. "/Oh. 'tis the most deloightfullest .game,' she' says, and they play it . on the links. Of course, you know phwat links is-?' she says.. . 1 ' Iridade I do,' says I. 'there's links of a chain,' I says, 'and links in orosher wurrunck.' " 'Oh!' says she., lauighin', 'them's not the links at all. Golf links is a big piece of ground wild holes in it.' " 'Thin why do they call it links?' .•say®' I. "'I don't Know,' she says, 'it's a turrum they us© in golf. But, you'd better jine the club, and lea,rn all • it.' " 'Amd how could I jine the club' whin I niver saw the game? I'm hot a -golfist.' " 'Tis aisy enough," she says, "you jine the club, and we'll tache you. All you have to do is to knock a little ball wid a shtidk they call a club, until you knock it into, a hole.' " 'I could ,do that in me own back yard ' says I. c if I wanted to, but I don't see the use of it.' " 'Oh!' she says, ' 'tis -not thei game so much as the payple you mate,' says she. 'You mate all the bist payple. Xiawyers and their wives and insurance agents, and payple in the Govermint service that do. nothin' all day but nade the newspapers, and mimbers of Parlymint. and Jay Pees. AIT the most silict society, wid two. publicans and a pawnbroker. Wi'll you .■jine, and I'll inthrojooce you?' " 'I'll think it oven,' says I. "So I thought it over, and decided i>hat as _ golf was the I'd see Shiwat it was loike. So whin Mrs. facSauinders oaane again. I tould her -she could put me name down; 'Now, you'll want some clubs,' she ■says, 'and yora'll have to shtudy your costhume.' " 'I have some clubs,' I says. " 'Let me see theim.' say® Mrs. MacSaunders. _ "So I wint into the wash-house, and-, found the Indian clubs the twins had whin they'want to the school demonsthration. - 'But Mrs. MaoS'aunderis laughed whin she saw thim, and said they were not golf clubs. - . " 'You couldn't hit a ball wid one of thim.' she says. " 1 belave I could, ? says- I. " 'Ohl' she says, 'golf clubs is quite different. I have a beautiful sit. If you put on your hat and run round to me place, I'll show thim to you.' "So I put on me hat and wint round, and she got phwat she called her clubs, but they looked to me loike walkin' shticks, only the handles didnft same to be very oonvam-ent, some ibein' made'of iron, and some of wood. She explained, howiyer, that phwat I took to- he handles were the other inds of 'em. There wias phwat she .called Dhrivers, and Brasseys, and Cleeks. and Mashies, and. Niblicks, and putters, and some that I disremember. "We arraniged to go on the foliowin' Sathurday so I got a new pink jersey •and a heliothrope skirt just down, to mle ankles, and a new blue tammyshanter. As me skirt was. short, I got a new pair of openwork shtockin's, open all the way up, and I guessed I'd be able to appear and hould rneown wid the bist. of 'em, although I rai ;, sed me cor sits, 'bein' always used to em. "I called for Mrs. MacSaunders at the appinted toime, and she said I looked well, but slightly bazzar, phwativer that is, and she said she was all ready, but was waitin' f o>r her caddy. " 'Phwat do you want a caddy foi ?" says I: 'do you make tay out inhereP' " 'Me caddy,' she say®, 'is the boy that carries me clubs.' "I thought it was a funny name to call him but I said nothini', because I filt that I was learnm* the gamle. " 'Twas a beautiful afternoon whin we arroived at the place they call the links, although, as the sea breeze was cool. I missed mie corsits. . "There was a number of payple slitrollin' about and little flags' shtuck in the ground, which Mrs. MacSaunders said were to- mark the - holes. "We had not been on thie liniks long whin a gintleman came and' shpoke to Mrs. MacSaunders, and she inthrojooced him to me as Mr., Trudger,

Mrs. McSweeney plays golf.

secretary of the dub. He was a fbine shtamp of a man, and had on a light ■suit and a ahtraw hat wid a red rib- . bon and a dark moustache. 'I'm delighted to mate you, Mrs. McSweeney/ says he. raisin' h-is. hat wid a shmoile, 'and where hay© you -aved Mrs. McSweeney?' " 'Mrs. MacSweeney is only a learner yet,' says Mrs. MacSaunders, 'but I think she will soon pick it up.' " I have no doubt she will," says Mr. Trudger, 'no doubt at all.' " 'I'll tache you all I can, Ma'am,,' he says, and bowed gracefully. "I wished to show him that I was as polite as him, and so I curtsied as low as I could, and he said as he was not busy he would begin at once. " 'This mark,? says he, 'is the teeing ground.'' .' ' ' ' I see,' 'says 'I, 'you do have tea " '2re sometimes, thin?' "'Tis a. different kind of tea,' says he,, 'they'call it that because it is the shtartin' point.' " 'And why couldn't they call it' a shtartin' point, and be done wid it?' says I. " '.'Tis a turrum we use in .golf,' he says, coughin' behind his hand. 'Now,' says he 'the first thing ye have /to do is take up your stance.' " 'Where is it. and phwat's it loike ?' says I. 'Show it to me and I'll take it up, if it is not too heavy.' '' 'The stance is the way you shta<nd, and the distance your fate are apart,' he says ' 'tis a turrum we use in golf, and we have different stances for different shots. 'Tis a most important thing.' he says. _ 'For iinshtance, here is the ball on a little heap of sand, and it is phwat we call teed. Now, whan I take up me position to shtrike. I have got me stance. Now, you shtand that way.' "So I shtood in the same place as he did, but he said it wasn't right. " 'Put this toe more over this way,' he says, 'not too much. About here,' ■and he shtooped down and shifted me foot, and I was plased that I'd put on me opertr-wurruk shtockin's; " 'That's about it,' he says; 'now you take a furrum grip of your club,' he says. - • "Well, I gripped it as furrum as I could, but he said I didn't hold it right. " 'Girip it -with the overlappin' grip.,' he say®. " 'Phwat is that ' says I. ' ' 'Tis a turrum we use. in .golf.' says he. 'You do it this way,' and he tuk me fingers and fixed thim, and squazed 'em as he did so. He was very polite, and he- was a fine shtamp of a man, wid a beautiful white collar, ..so high that he always samed to .me lookin'. over, it at you. - " 'That's right' he says, 'now you addhtress the ball.' " Ph'wat do I say to it?' says I. " 'Oh! you say nothing',' he says, coughin' agin. 'Tis a turrumi we use in golf. It is whin you are preparin' to. hit it,' he says, 'and a most important part of the game if you want a good shot. You put your club close to the ball widhout touchin' it. Then you kape your eye on/ the ball. Always remimiber that. ' 'Whin he had' taught m© how to hould me shouldhers, and to waggle, he said the nixt thinlg was to learn the upward swing. " 'Take notice of me, now," he says, "you kape your body quite shtill, and swing your club up this way. 'Tis one of the most important things ini golf.' he says, 'if you want, to learn shtyle and to. make a good shtroke ; Now, swing yoiur club, well back like I did, and remember, kape your eye on the ball!' "So I swuing the cluib well back; in fact. I swung it too well back, for . it shtruck me shoilldher blade that way it made me wish I J d put me corsits on. " 'Not quite' so far back,' says Mr. Trudfger. 'Now,' he says, 'you make a quick down shtroke, and hit the ball shquare and thrue.' hie says. "So. puttin' all me force into me blow, I swung the club down l , but the grass bein' dhry, me fut shlipped, and I sat down wid such a sudden concussion that it shuk the whole of the links so that the flags fluthered for the nixt tin minutes, and gave me a pain in the chist. ■ | " 'Oh!' says he 'phwat a pity you slipped: you were making a beautiful shtroke. Allow me to hilp you,' he says. (He was one of the politest min I irer mit.) Hie tuk me uridher me arrums to lift me; but hayiiu no coirsits on, I couldri't hilp wrigglin' he tickled me so. "'Perhax>s I can- do it bether if I take your hands,' he says. And he tuk me hand, and pulled me to me fate. "Wdll. I got me stance agin, anl I addhressed the 'ball, and waggledand did me upward swing widhout hittin' mesilf, and thin takin' car© not _ to shlip, I gave me downward swing, kapin' me .eye on: the feall. Whin I

thought I'd hit it an almighty shmaek, I found I'd only hit the- sand, and Mr. Trudger said I'd 'foozled' it. " 'And phwat's foozLm' itP' I says. " 'Oh, tie a turrum we usa in golf, says he. "So he teed the ball for me agin' and I winrb through all me stances, and addhresses, and waggles, and ?c on, and this toime I. hit the ball and it wint somewhere, but not where 1 wai ted it to go. " 'Now..' says Mr. Trudgetr, 'be oa-oc-ful of your staaace and your upward swing, he says, 'and. you'll do it this toime.' "But me timper was gettin' up, and. me patience desertin' me, so I says, in tones more sinsible than polite: 'To the divil,' says I. 'wid your stances and addhresses, .and your , upswings anld your .downswings. Tell ane,' says I, where you want me to hit it -to. Shure! I'll.hit it me own way. and if'l miss it whin I hit it me oWn way, I'll be the- furrust of me family that; iver missed anything they shtruok wid a shtick.' " 'You want to hit it,' he says, 'towards . that flag. That is in the furriest hole,' he says. _ " 'Thin shtaaid aside, and give me ilbow room.', says I. And I took no notice of me'stance, or me aiddbress, osr mawagglm'. or me up or doiwn swing. I only made up me moind thatl'd hit it. And I did ! I niver saw the ball agin. The caddie said he saw it goin' up and up, but that it Oliver came down. agin.. "Mr. Trudger said it was a splendid hit, and that I must have knocked it •right over thie links into Petone. or, perhaps, Cook Strait. Mrs. MaicSaunders said it -was a beautiful hit, and she knew I'd soon learn it, and all the payple said it "was a sweet shtroke, and that I'd soon be a golfist. and me 'heart was shwellin 5 wid me victorious emotions. "Thin Mr. Trudger said that Mrs. MacSaun ders and him and another lady was igoin to play a three-some, and I could follow thim and see the play. So I did, and faith! I thought the play would niver be over. " 'Tis a long lane that : has mo imrdin,' and so at last somebody said: 'Three up, and two to go,' and that the game was over, and Mr. Trudger had_ivon. • "Thin' we had some tay and sandwiches, which was very acceptable, and I was inthroj ooced to the- insurance agent and his wife, to the pawnbroker and his sister, and to a lot of the bist payple. . "I began to see that golf was jist the thing that Mrs. MacSaun ders had described it to be. They > were all _ as nice as possible, and I think the noicest of the lot was Mr. Trudger. He tried to make everybody comfortable, and paid particular to me. which I accepted dignity timbered wid politeness: Whin he had hilped me to me sixth sandwich and: me fifth cup of—tay, he asked which train we were takin. . "I tould hiiT and he said it was fortunate, as we could all go together. So we shtrolled to' the train. When we got back to toiwn, I was just saying' good-bye _to Mr. Trudger. who was complimintin' me on the progress I'd made .and was holdin' me fingers so as to show we the principles of the overlappin' grip, and squazin' 'em perhaps a little more than was nmcessary, whin who should come rushiri round the corner but Mike, the youngest of me twins., and the soight he was nearly made me dhrop. I'd lift 'em clane and daysent, but his claneness was gone, and his daycency , was conspicuous by it© absence, as they say. "He had beeni at thie jam, and got it over his face, and the_ dirt shtickin' to it. A tuft of hisi rid hair was shtandin' up through the roof of his hat that had lost half the rim as if. it had niver sane a comb. He had 1110 jacket on, and his shirt was shplit from the neck to the waist. I thought I'd dhrop. Here was I, the cdrntr© of. a silict circle' of the bist society] and there was Mike comin? straight for me. I.purtinded not to see him. and thried gintly to disengage me hand from Mr. Trudger's, who was shmoilin' at me in the most aristocratic manner over his high collar. Fate was agin® me. I had not got oyer the first shock of seeini' him. whin he caught sight of me, and came runnin' over wid a whoop. "I shtill tried to ignore me relationship to him, and gave' him a frown over me shoulder, which ought to have pethrified him if Jb.e was made of shtone, but it was all in vain. He run over to me and shouted st that they couJld all hear if they'd have been as deaf as mutes, and he says: -— " 'Come home at once, Mum!" he says, 'Dad's shickered. and we want you to hilp us lift him out of the dirtbos !'' " 'Go away at once,' I says, _ 'and don't be thryin' to play your jokes. I'll be home directly, if not sooner." and I thought I'd faint wid me humiliation. " 'I ain't a-jokinig!' .he says, 'Fair dinkum, Mum I I was shtanding on head in the y&rdj and Dad_ thried to do it' but he fell into the dirt-bos, and we can't get him out!'

" 'Is' this your little boy^ says Miv. -trudger, ooughin' and laughin 1 pleasantly. " 'You bet!' says Mike, grinnin' at him. , " 'I'll skhin you aloive whin I get you;in!' says I. 'Whydtin't you wipe your nose whin you shpak© to a gintleman?' •/ "Weil. he did. wid the back of his hand,. which made ,it worse, \and I made me excuse® and trot away as quick as I could. • " - "I shook the divil out of . him whin I got him round the corner; but I found that phwat he said was tjirue. —From "The Surprising Adventures of Mrs. Bridget -McSweemey," by Thos. E. Spencer.

Miss Beatrice Richmond aimounoes elsewhere to her pianoforte pupils that she resumes teaching on Saturday, sth February.