Entre Nous.

Free Lance, Volume X, Issue 477, 21 August 1909, Page 12

Entre Nous.

IF t*hey aie nott careful about it isoone of the Spu ltualists in Wekbngton willl be losing their reputations. They have allready lost their chanoes of toctnng heavily m the seaach tor I>he body of that unfortunate Mrs. Penney, who came to such, an untimely end in the bush. We've got Bailey, the alleged maryeHknis medium, Norton Taylor, the unparaiMieilled occultist and! trance medium, Mrs. Morrison, psychonietr ist, mediun, and what not, djiid "E&telle," the marvel. Yet it was left to a poor labouring man, Mr. Downs, who is of the earth earthy, to dream where Mrs Pemiey's body 3'ay, and discover it. Why don't Bailey's mediums tell us something about the "Waratah," for instance? They would be serving an iin finitely better purpose if tiiey desire to do good to huananity than by bringing biids from Mandalay, Timibuctoo. l^o, can they telii as whether Sir Jo© Ward is going to be made a belted earl, or if he is going to sucveed Lord PJfunket as Governor? Why don't t*he ' sporvks" move on to some decejit infoirmatin.n » * • A Winion enthusiast cabled to Sn J. G. Ward, in London, t3iat Winton had won the Southland fcotball projnier.yhip, and promptlly received' the foTliowmg reply — "Bi avo, Wintoca. Congratulations. — Ward." The Asilibuirbon^ "Guardian" rises to remark on the incident that "It is this conte.mpti,ble oock-a^doodle spirit' aboutl oorate<Qiptibly small iihmgs that is 1 ap^ly makinc; New Zealand a by-word and New Zoalanders a laughing-stock " And l we don t think that it is necessarily a case of sour grapes with Ashburfcon. We shall soon have 'Mrs. J. Jones-Smith of Brooklyn, cabling to Joe that her prize Leghorn fow] has laid a double-yoked egg, or the denizens of Pollhil 1 'Guillv sending to .tell the Premier that they are going; to enter a team m ifoe fifthclass erioket oomrvetition this year Naturally, too, they would all 1 expect CGmgratulitory messages in return We New Zealanders aire in a vei-v fair way to earn the titfe of champion perverters of the truth if we are niot careful oyer the aiir^hip business. AT ready people in posKiesisioin of their senses are beginning to trace their friends' ancestral bia.nrhe'S bank to the

Ananias and Sapphira peuod. The latest two stones^ are taken from the oountTy exclionges in tlie Jlocalities concerned. No. 1 is fiom the Danne- \ irke 'Express". — "I, >a resident oi Dannoviiike, distinctly saw a large airship on. Sunday morning, about 4 a.m. The ship was carrying a large head li^ht, which wns so powerful that the framework of the craft could be easily seen The ship_ came from the direction of the Ruahines, and disappeared from sight over the Chinaman s gaiden at the end of 'McPhee street." No. 2 is fiom the Waarairapa • — "A Master ton. resident is reported to have seen the ship pass over his township on Sunday night, and was *> close that he could see the passengers playing caids." They are both taJlI stories, at a.ny rate. Tlie Maori troupe of performers who left theiir native sluores for America the other day arc said to hay© quickly got over then first giief at leaving oomie. An officer on the iManapouai, by which steamei fclic Maoris journeyed to the Islands, relates a stoiy or two about them. Their sea-sickness was shortlived. So sho.it in fact, that most of them Tiever missed a single change at the table * * * It is stated that they struck a patch of very hot weathei at the Raratongas. One old IVlaori is said to have gone ashore to have a .look around. The heat was very oppressive, but, despite this fact, the old 'Maoai mustered uj- energy enough to pinrchase a. cheap thermometer . and, 'after addlressmg it t'> hi>a home in Te Aroha, asked a postal official how much it would cost -to send. The inquisitive main, asked what the paicetl contained, and received the starting leplv that it was a thermometer he v»as sending to Urn people to pro\e to them how hot it wa- in the Cook Islands' Tlie conversation was brisk at a wedding breakfast m this city last week. Somehow or other it turn/ed on to the subject of the suffragist movement at Home Amongst the ladies present was one elderiy spinster, who heJd very decided opinions on. the question. She had engaged a bachelor gentleman, weJl-kntown. in town, on her pet theme Now, he is essentially a gentfomaiii) of consummate tact. Also he knew the la civ wpSI In order to avoid heated argument with her on the subject of her hobby, the happy bachelor gallantly acquiesced in the truth of her assertions. ''"But, sir," sternly remarked the spinster, "your admission, is anything but creditable to you. What, for instance, have you ever done for the emancipation of woman?" "'Madam," responded the gentleman, with a polite smile, "I hare at Vast remained a bachelor!"

Thus doth tiie Auckland "Obsenei" ptayiully "blow off" on the subject of oui Wellington breezes —' ' Wellington may now indisputably annex the bun, the biscuit, and the cake for possessing tlhe strongest wind in the Dominion Recorded that while a lady hockey player was proceeding through Mir&mar (a subuib of Wellington), a nasty, mean homnfcle gust of wind came along and incontinently upset her. Judging from what we have seen of the hockey gri. s physical power and avoiidiupojs, nothing less than, 'a beastly hurricane could upset hex. Therefore, this particular Wellington zephyr may be awatded the palm. ** • • Dhawinq tot? Line 0, v\ioauan new, I'm fond of you, And gladly hail you as a star; luiJoa, my pet, Four ciga rette. And puff away at your cigar. But tlw^uigli T€iii eyes, Be summer skies, And though \our hair Be brown and nutty, I dtaw the Jane, Deair Angel mme — You really mast not smote a cutty 0, woman new, I've faiith in you. Despite the most unflattering rumours. Yes, maid divine, My heait is thine, 11 flowing gowns or flapping bloomers. Yet though I long To see thee strong And not Man's docile doll 01 poodle. 'Twould bieak love's yoke To see you smoke A cake of fixll strength "Yankee Doodle " One of the theatncal agents recently an Wellington told us an exciting story, which has been, scaoaned from paib3>ie notice up xo now. He was "advancing" or managing in West Austiral/ia, and nn the hour of ihis triumph with Juilms Superbus Knight he struck KailgoorJae. The goldneMds town went wild over Julius, and crowded the house S© crowded it, indeed, that a funnicky lawyer in the audience 1 had this seat Mocked bv a chaiir in the passage. He laid an informiation, and insisted on the maniager being summoned # * » Well the manager was rather popular with the police, and they gave him the tip a few hours beforehand that the said summons would 1 be served at a certain time. The manager made good. That is to say, ho got away, aided by the railway officials, in> a goods train, and it was arranged that he shoufld join the exipress train some ten miiks down the line. Memories of KubeJik'is £50 fine for over-xsrowding n fortnight before spurred him on, and the 'police down the lino were after him. They were walking up and down the platforms at sideHsfetions watching for the express — and the manager. * * * The little manager^ boarded the express cm its wrong sidle, at a certain station, and was 1 just explaining life precarious position to Julians Knight, when the "oop" came on the scene and asked him "hiow he'd come to get on the train in that suspicious fashion. The manager over-awed the "cop" by introducing him to th.® gieatt Julras, and then, explained that he'd been out that side speaking to a girl. "Not another word'" said! the constable, with a "soriy-I-spoke kind of air. Now, it happened that the Westral>lan Premier, Mr. Moore, was on the train, in his own Premier's car, and Julius was his honoured guest Accordingly, the fugitive from justice and police court summons was takem into the Premier's oar, and treated to. whisky. No polJcemia;nj wou3<d hare dared search that car, even had he thought of it. When Ooofeardie was reached, tlhe place where the police

were expected to "pick up their man " it happened that the Premier, Mr Moore, who is wondierfulrty bulky verymuch 'Moore, m fact— leaned out of thecanaage window to speak to a friend There was no more window for anyone to be detected through, and the manager escaped. The summons has been oamceEed now, but .that theatrical manager has noted that incident down a» one of Ms mosrfc thriving experiences * Tbeie seems to be no limit to the cLnveUing gush of the day. "The Menry Widow" play Gently came t£ an end at Home after a very long Tun whereupon a London daily aauncranoed :' -— Lhere were many wiho foffc the theatre witu tear® in their eyes at the thought that the 'Widow' is shcrOy to-h-o withdrawn, from London." Poor dea,r souls! This is indeed real grief!' « • „ Sing a, song of motors, Whizzing a la mode. Four and twenty victims Killed on th? '/road When the copper hails him. The chauffeur speeds his pace • Isn't that a rrettv way ' To treat the bumain. raee 9 Ho was staying at one of our leading hotels in the city, and, after about four days, none of the waiters or attendants nad raised even a shilling tip out of torn. At last, on the Saturday manaung, navang made a good breakfast, and being m exoeJllant humour, he gave the 'buttons" sixpence. As he handed it to tho boy he said: "I'm to be ■h&re for another week, boy, so I'll keep mv eye on you " Buttons made suire the com was mot a haHf-^ayereibn and then replied suggestively- "Right y ar, sir. I'll w arn the other pouters and waiters!" Keiso, the kttfe village down South ■where the local parson saw tlhe airship with the .three lights a coupfe of weeks ago, made a big bid for fame, but it wouldn't , oome off. Now, all the other little villages down South are weary. mg Little Kofoo about the airship business. _ Clirtha Deads off hy etatwig, in a leading a.rtioLe that the Kefco airsihi.p was the biggest hoax of the twentirth century. This is good for Curtiha. The shoemaker of Kopenack, who took down the German burgo.niia^ter, goes out in one hit, amd Neir Zealand once more toads tlhe wonld! in ho«x production. • • • It is "muoh better to get (properly drunk once a month thaai partly dtrumk every day" said an, up-country Jay Pee at a court case the other day. "Properly dTumk" is distinct% good. A wcifl-knjwn theatrical aigent had) aa» amusing expeiojenoe in, town ibere diast week. His company were about to arrive, and he was anxious to find out how they were to be charged for at the hotel 1 . Accordingly, in. order that he might forward a "list" to his chief, he rang up a certain weU-known ihotdL and asked the person, at the other end of the wire: "What's the tariff for theatrical guests at your hotel?" Amd tlhe voice from the other end' said: ''What did you say, sir?" "What's the tariff for theatrical guests?" reprated the agent. "The tariff!" said the other voice. mystified. "What's that, sir?" "Oh, come," said the agent, "this ils business, and! I'm busy. I've got no time for joking now!" "Well, the manage^ ib out just mow, sir. You'd better Ting up again. I'm onily the buttons!" By thofe time tlhe agent was feeling annoyed. "But. auirely to goodness you know What the tariff is!" he said with some wanmtih. "No, siir; I've n»yeT heard of it!" said Buttons, in a voice which was so piteous as to teave no pussaWie room for doubt. Buttons obviously didk't knW whether "tariff" was usuaUly eaten, or whether it- was merely a new brand 1 of drinje.

Huggs and Higgans (the naanes ane imaginary) wore playing a biJlaaird ma-teh one evening llast week at one odour city hoteds They 'had dimed lather heavily, and weae marking thei' own scores. Frosejitly Higgms was called to the telephone, leaving Higgs to strike. In two minutes Hjggms came back, and found Higgs waiting. But Hig&s' score had increased bv 102 "You coaild'iL't pobisilb'lty ha ye made 105 in the time'" Higgi'iis protested. '7 did'" said Hi'ggs, sollemnily. "I sh>a\* -"Jl baDls oai the table, ami I scored o oaiinan Twish ol's 102'" In a Magistiate's Court in the Waikato one day Jtast week a Constable Beer changed one Francis Poirter, with having had two much wine. The miagiistcate jovnaillv rcmiarkedi ti'at it seemed "a rum case." Th,e cm ions part about i% was tii'at Poiter, being unaMe to pay his fine, was sent to the "jug." His Excellency tilie Govoiidoir was io that train smash-up last week, yoi> iemember, nhen tlie 'Main Trunk express raai anrt>o a tree whidh had ooon© dowini on tihe line th,rooigih a landslip There was an inoidenit in the- affair, ■lwxwever, whioh has rot yet got inito print, but whicli has been tickling Government Bouse very ooneidpinably Just after the express had ran into the tree, and the pmple had been reassuredi as to the nature of theaooidanit.. one of tHie lailway officiafe oame up to Hi's Excellency, and observed,, vory seriously "Do you know, your Excellency, the veiy first thing T thought when we ,ran intbo the tree was. how fortunate von.r ExceJlency's oa.i was at the back of the trann Why, it's a brand-new coach'" * * A good story is being told of a Cabinet Minister ovei in Austiaflaia. When a Minister is not in his rooan, the departmental loporter very often leaves a notefor him. Th'g happened the other day in the room of tho Irish member of the Comimonwe&lth Cabinet. But the reporter also left on the table inadvertently — his washwiis; bill! The next time ihe called, the Minister said "I'll 1 be very glad to give ye any news in my power. _ I'll be veiy gllad to treat ye as a friend wherever I meet ye. But one thing I won't do us to pay your laundry bill 1 !" "And, besMtes*."' he added, "you should think of me. Suppose my wife had found me in possession of a laundiy bill under an assumed name? What sort of suspicion would I labour under for the rest of ray life?"

Weurd and wonderful are some of the advertisements that appeal- in the "Wonted" columns of the dailies. Here id a dhoice specimen : — "Wanted, Gtrcufau Mian ; wages 10s and free house , state age." Wo don't, of cooiise, know what the "ciucuJar man" is wanted fOl,f 01 , but the job, from aH appearances, ought to suit Adjutant Smith, of our Detence Staff, right down to the ground, or up in the a,ir

Why We Stay Single It's "Hubb\ , put the cat outl" And it's "Dearie, fix the range!" It's "Have you wound the clock, lore?" And it's "Have you any change?" It's "Hook me up the back, pet!" And "Lock the oelfeir door!" And it's "Do- be careful; not to spill Tho=e ashes on the flooi !" Si' le± the bumper oiircmlato. And quaff a mournful glass Unto the humble benedict, Alas, alas, alas! That reported Melbourne examjpie of acroSitfcis is indeed a- sad one. Here is is, as cabled by the guJiblo Eress Ass. : — "A clergyman', supported by several other eye-witnesses, reports that mvsteiious lights, changimg fnom wihite'to led ajid blue, were seen in the air over the^ Dandenong ianges <m Saturday night. The lights slowed down, dupped, and rose again " The statemen* that the parson, at tlbe time of seeing these extremely wonderful lights, was "supported by several 1 eye-witnesses" is significant. In fact, it may expfeito the visioin.