Afternoon Tea Gossip

Free Lance, Volume IX, Issue 454, 13 March 1909, Page 10

Afternoon Tea Gossip

By Little Miss Muffitt.

OUT of the mouths of babes and sucklings, etc. A little Wellington maiden of five was asked her name. "Cicely/ she said. "But your last name?" persisted the inquirer. "I can't tell you that," was the demure reply of the child, " 'cos I ain't married yet!" • • • Madame Ada Crossley, in aa interview at Feilding, the other day, declared that "New Zealand people are certainly more* given to shyness than Australians." " Australian papers please copy. • • • A young man up the Manawatu way has just achieved somewhat unusual and unenviable distinction. During a marriage the other day he suddenly fainted. When he regained consciousness he explained that he had fasted for two whole days in order to do justice to the wedding breakfast. It is to be hoped he was in at the feast after all. * • • The country press is still worrying itself over the Penguin wreck inquiry. Captain Naylor will be interested to know that one paper up North credits ihim with the statement that a light on Tongue Point, "with a red sceptic," could have been se^n on- the night of the wreck. A light "with a red sceptre" must be a distinct novelty in lighthouses, • • • Some of our Wellington school children have quickened mentally to a surprising extent during the recess. One of the teachers at Clyde Quay received a knock-out from a brainy boy last week. He was asking the class for the plurals of exceptional words. One of the Questions was- "What is the t>lural of solo?" The answer camp like a shot from the youngster"Duet!" • • • This is a day of champions. If it is not in the Tealm of aquatics, it is in the Marathon race, or some other department. I have heard of two parsons who purpose preachine from a given text for a pur=e of £5. But I don'l credit the story. However, the latest claimant tn- a championship is the ball-room danger. He arrived in his tnierht in I/ondon this season. Probably. he will be with us in the coming winter. Of course, his object is to challenge the "whirled." • • • She is just down from the Forty-mile Bush, on hex first visit to town since she came out from Home in. the farback years. Her son-in-law took her to see the pictures at the Theatre Royal the other evening. Next morning, over the 11 o'clock cup of tea, she was telling her daughter all about it. She came up to the picture of the priestly procession at Rome. "Yes," she said, "there were scores of 'em in the garbage of monks, with tonsils on their heads!" • » w For ways that are dark and tricks that are vain, the heathen Chinee is peculiar. But sometimes his tricks are not vain. A Chinaman who works his vegetable round up Ne-ntown way adopted a novel method of riddling his cart of small boys one day last week. Selecting five of the most "promising," he took them to a pastry-cook's shop near by, and ordered sausage rolls for the lot. He said he did not want any for himself, and would return for his charges in a few minutes. He has not returned yet, and the sausage-roll man is 100-king out day by day for that most intelligent celestial. • • • The most heartless man has come to light; down in Southland. He turned up in a dentist's surgery the other day. "I want to make an appointment for 3 o'clock," lie said. "What's the matter ?" asked the dentist. "It's a bad tooth, with three prongs," the man replied. "I can take that out easier bv giving gas," the dentist remarked, but it will cost 10s more. It will save much pain.." The man thought for a few minutes, and 1 then remarked that he reckoned the gas wouldn't be necessary. "All right," the dentist replied again. "Will you be here at 3 o'clock sharp?" "Me? Oh, my, no. The appointment is for my wife!"

On the occasion of the recent marriage of Sir John. Fisher's daughter at Home the London "Daily Mail" came right out of itself with its report. It announced that "the choir sang 'Lead us, Heavenly Fattier, Lead us,' as Sir John Fisher led his daughter up the aisle." Evidently, that choir or the "Daily Mail" has" an abundance of confidence in Sir John's leading. • • • The latest move on the part, of the suffragettes at Home is the formation of a "no hat brigade." A gentleman writes to me- — "This is excellent. Consider the saving in expenses to the mere man. Think also of the delight in attending an entertainment where one can actually see the performers. It is the best idea they have struck yet. Every woman should be given a vote — in exchange for her hat. Ballot-box or bonnet-box — which shall it be?" • • • A wedding in the Waikato last week presented a strange set of circumstances if the report in the local paper is to be believed. Amongst other items in the report were these: "The mother of the bridegroom was attired in a costume of navy blue"; "Owing

to the illness of the bridegroom's mother, the bridegroom's parents were unable to be present." This requires a bit of sorting out. A mother-in-law who can disappear and reappear with such consummate ease as this would drive a whole family to a licensed district. • • • Somebody is advertising in the daily papers inquiring the whereabouts of a certain individual "dead or alive." But if the_ party happens to be dead, how the dickens are his whereabouts to be ascertained ? • • • It's an affliction to be short-sighted or bald-headed — one or the other, or even both. In this particular case, the clergyman was short-sighted. He was attending a conference dinner in the city, and the man who sat beside him at the table was intensely bald. At one stage of the feast the bald-headed gentleman dropped his serviette. As he stooped to recover it, his head inclined towards the shoulder of the clergyman, whose dim eyes caught the glitter of that shining pate. He looked at it curiously, saw it move sTightlv, and then realised the situation. "No, thank you waiter! I never eat water-melon !"