It is Town Talk

Free Lance, Volume VI, Issue 291, 27 January 1906, Page 22

It is Town Talk

— That a local Government, clerk is so Oomstantly in debt that even his china is of the will owe pattern. — That there, is a scarcity of labour among the milk-kings of Taranaki. Some of these days the oow people will have to pay wages. That Mr. E. M. Smith is in constant communication! with World's Entertainer Witheford, and both wiM be New Zealand Carnegks in no time. — That Japan is building a twenty-thonsand'-ton battleship. Well, who cares? We've got the Janie Seddom ready-built, haven't we? That a visitor who has seen the Waixarapa remarks "the cheep is greater than Seddon." That's all right, but who' allows the sheep to go on existing? — That of one hundred and five New Zealand suicides last year, only sixteen were women — the rest men. Another proof that women are not civilised? — That the sport who caught- a caifcfish containing ten £1 notas lost the lot at the raoes on Saturday. Now, the fellow he borrowed them off wants them back! — That ihf swearer's excuse, "Please, Your Worship, I was drunk!" isn't getting the polite sympathy now-a-days it formerly got. Anything up to six months for "eussin'." That English business people are so slow, aren't they? That Lieoester boot mian who presented every "All Black" with a pair of his befit football trilbycasingf>, for instance. ' — That to suggest that "Omar" is a jilted, d sappointad lover is the bitterest pill of all. If "Omar's Grandmother" could oolv see the girlies hanging on n:s every word ! — That Lord Robeits' advice to boys to learn the use of the rifle has been taken advantage of. Six pea-rifle accidents — two fatal — within the past six weeks in New Zealand. — That the unusual sight of a lady smoking was seen on a oar the other day. A man, going up the stairs of a top-decker, dropped a glowing pipeful on her chip bat, and — ?he smoked. — That a very real illustration, of "frenzied finance" was shown in Newtown Park last Sunday. The two-up school scooted at the arrival of the "police." who happened to be tramway officials. — That ten Japs were beheaded for murder at Noumea lately, but the British haven't sent a warship to ask the white French why they dare to interfere with our brown allies. The Jap is — well, he isn't gentle. — That the religious organisation thiat had its anniversary picnic at Berhampare on Anniversary Day played every known game up to dusk — and them fell back on "kiss-in-the-ring." They keep the best for dessert. — rThat an English judge was fined by an English magistrate for keeping pigs under illegal conditions. His loirdship pleaded ignorance of the law, but his loaxisihip would probably cheerfully leverse a colonial judge's decision. — That a lady at the raoes was so excited at seeing the horse she had backed coming up the straight winning that sihe beat her husband fua\.ouislly with a pink paxasol, keeping time, without knowing it, to every flog of the jockey's /whip. — That the least cheering bit of news from the other side is that hydrophobia has appeared in Australia. If our health officers watch for rabid dogs as closely as they watch for consumptive men — well, we'll get hydrophobia too quite soon. — That Mr. Piper, of Petone, likes the Christchurch trams better than the Wellington ones, and so it is pretty likely that Petone will have Ohristchuch T>atbern cars next week — or the week after. Whatever Piper says goes (as the saying is). — That a West Coast paper takes a column and ar-balf to tell tlbe world that Mr. Seddon had afternoon tea one recent day. In fact, as far as may be gathered the Premier eats just Like an ordinary man who Hasn't got a Windsor uniform in his bag. — That the "atblet-c contributor to our columns" is most frequently not a contributor to athletics. In fact, "if you stay at home and never go to sea, you'll -soon be made ruler of the Queen's Navee." _ A propos of recent profound local opinions.

—That a woman can't add to her husband's peace of mind by giving him a piece or hers. That some people have nothing but praise far their minister. Others have a threepenny-bit. That this is the age that demands men with convictions. And you will find those men in gaol. That it is time to cease these weeps over the poor "voucher" officiate. They have all started business "on their own." That, according to the cables, the War Office is active. This is an entirely new oomplaint for the War Office, and should be cured at once. That man's admiration, for a woman's glorious head of hair frequently dies when he sees the bit of dangling black tape that shrieks out "switch." That many a boy who doesn't feel pained to see his agedl parent reaching for a strap in a tram-oar, feels as trait as anything when he reaches for one at home. — That a man who has been in gaol for a number of years has lately been given a position of trust in Wellington. And why shouldn't ex-warders get a job, anyhow? — That a man who had won much gold at the raoes on Saturday was the means of getting an I® 1 and Bay car stuck up for five minutes, because be wouldn't pay the penny fare. — That the diversity of the Maori costume at the raoes was a sagiht for gods and men. Most of the costumes were of mid-winter thickness' and of tropical colour. — That Christ-church grow?, more like Wellington. Tlrnk of th© zephyr that wrecked pait of the Exhibition building. Was not ririeviously aware that Cnristehurch was such a place for "blow." — That, by the present aspect of things, the residents of eco-ahead Kilbirnie will have the luxury of tramts before they get the more necessary water supply. A breakfast-cupful is the regulation ration for a bath. — That the new Board of Conciliation have failed to agree in, the choice of a chairman. The functions are so arduous, and the work so constant, that it might be as well to advertise in the Australian and Home papers for a head. .