It is Town

Free Lance, Volume VI, Issue 290, 20 January 1906, Page 22

It is Town

— That honesty is the best policy ; the next best policy is a paid-up one. — That an 86oz nugget was found at Hokitika lately. Three cheers for the Premier ! — That man's inhumanity to man makes countless, mill — mill — what is it? Oh, millionaires! — That Timaru is the first borough to consider the question of town-owned workmen's homes. — That Dunedin is losing £5000 ayear on its car service. Wellington, is silent as to this city's profits. — That girls are delicate and weak beings, but the most ethereal of them can throw a man over with the greatest ease. — That the "small-bird nuisance" is bitterly complained of at a very expensive local boarding-house. They like 'em large. — That we French wool-buyer, M. Nopenaire, now in New Zealand, will be joined by Madame Nopenaire. It is bound to be a Nopenaire meetine;. — That forty-two deaths from starvation occurred in London last year. The official statistics don't mention the thousands of deaths from over-eating. — That a debtor in a Greytown court case couldn't pay, so 'tis said, because she was buying a motor oar and ' a baby. It cost £50 to adopt the baby. — That, a propos of the sharemarket, some very holy Wellmgtonians are without the staff, but they do not follow the Biblical advice to be without 'toip." — That the proposal to establish a home for harmless' imbeciles owes its origin to the large number of general election candidates who forfeited their deposit. — That New Zealand will breathlessly await the list of casualties from America when the New Zealandersplay the o;ame of kicking each other with the Yanks. — That "service-clasps" for the South African war are now ready for distribution. "Service-clasps" have been issued to young ladies in domestic employ for quite a while. — That the practice of masticating chewing-gum, indulged m by the "AH Blacks" at Home, has led to the conclusion that they are munching the ears of victims rent m the fray. — That a local man, who has received a final dividend out of a soldier's patriotic fund, is making things hum while the gold lasts. Never thinks of walking while cabs can be hired. — That a Cnnstchurch out-door sports club has imported a miotor lawn-mower and roller, and the Wellington City Council haven't. The Basin. Reserve horse-killer is stall at work. — That the new game is "whizzing." Whizzlers who whiz a bit of cardboaid on a string bid fair to equal in number the old army of ping-pomgers, who, happily, have seen the error of their ways. — That a cheque for threepence has been received by a Hawera firm as a dividend in a New Plymouth bankruptcy case. Exchange 6d, duty stamp Id, postage Id. Great business, ly—That, acooiding to a lively local scholar Joseph was put in the pit because he more a coat of many colours. If he had worn the regulation black, he would have been put in the dresscircle. — That one of the fleetest homing pigeons in New Zealand had the poor sense to perch on a railway train to finish its journey the other day. The poorest bird of them all beat the train rider by six hours. — That the baited "bookie" is getting his deserts all over the colonies — botfi in New Zealand! and Australia — except in Wellington. The local talent escapes, seemingly, because Wellington is the police headquarters. — That the enterprising Auckland circumnavigator who was going to sail round the world in the yacht Kia Ora, has thought better of his experiment, and sold his cockle-shell. No doubt he studied the kia ora aspect of the case. — That the pale, frightened! look on the faces of all the "Times" staff — editorial, reportorial, and mechanical — is due to the tremendous exertions of writing letters to the editor from "New Plymouth," "Kanoana," and other distant places on the^ "Are women civilised?" office invention.

—That, aocoiding to the papers, 'Lamb is quiet." Got uts mother with it, perhaps. That A. J. Baltour was A. J. to talk about Government aid 1 "destroying the fibre of the worker." — That a writer has written a story on "The Human Face." Must be a painful subject. We use paper. — That Mr. Seddon says the goldmimng uidustry will soon produce three millions a-year. Hooray for King Dick ! — That one hundred and fifty New Zealand people suicided laafc year. Sweltering prosperity turned their brains. — That there has been a find of fuller's earth at the Thames. "Johnny" and sons found l it m Wellington and elsewhere long ago. — That, according to a gifted contemporary, "the landau pulled up dead." Will the paper kindly wire us when the landau pulls up alive P — Thai Union Company Manager Kennedy rejoices in the distinction of havmg appeared as "Dr" Kennedy in, a great Auckland daily. —That little Harry Bedford, exM.H.R., is acting as locum renen® for various pat sons who are on holidays. But, why only locum tenens? — That Orton Stevens deserves well of the aged and needy. He made those tickets for the Electric Bowk performance go off like hot oakes. — That Japan is "raising" a loan of two hundred 1 and fifty millions. This is a bigger lift than Sandow (or Mr. Royd G-arhck) oould undertake. — That a man named Cotton (aged seventy) was knocked over by a train at Burnside. Naturally, it made Cotton reel, and l gave him the needle. — That His Majesty's motor mail oart is a brisk circumstance in Wellington at present — only it isn't Hisi Majesty's mail cart ; he has only got it on approval. — That a farmer, the victim of a roost robber, claimed 1 to be able" to identify forty stolen esqs the other day. The Bencn wouldn't believe it. Eggs are very like eggs. — That the man who was fined £2 10s for thieving a fowl lately wasn't even allowed to keep the dead bird. What splendid crimes he could have committed for fifty shillings! —That the electric "tote" at Trentham is a weird and wondrous device, and makes you think you are near a b mb factory or something infernal. It is controlled from the judge's box, fifty yards away. — That the guide who was hitched to the Premier when he climbed the Franz Joseph glacier had been fed on fattening fcods for months. The usual ten_stoner is quite useless as an "anchor" — to the Premier. — That the rise in the price of leather, which has made boots and shoes dearer, has no connection with the troubles in Morocco. This may be regarded as authoritative., for we have it on the word of Mr. Alfred Lindsay. — That the bowling heroes, having put off their gorgeous blazers and kummerbundis, have come down from the clouds this week, and are feeling just like ordinary human clay once more. Awful mty that bowls don't go on for ever, eh ? — That a tobacconist recently kept his shop open half-a-minute after the statutory time, the door having jambed. He will be hanged to morrow, in the middle of Willis-street, and buried at four cross-roads. He has broken the law — out on him !