It is Town Talk

Free Lance, Volume VI, Issue 289, 13 January 1906, Page 22

It is Town Talk

— That a propos of fish, a true Salmon has been caucht up North. Fined 6s for inebriety. — That a cricketer at Napier lately broke his arm while throwing a ball. Evidently, he wasn't grown on Bulli soil. — That at the masthead of a splendid local private hotel, run by a feafaring man, flew the other day the house-flag up-side-down ! What, does it mean? — That twenty-six bottle-nosed whales have been stranded on Prohibition territory in Otago. Anything in the shape of a bottle is welcome there. — That a man charged with setting fire to a haystack down South offered to "toss" the magistrate, whether he should get six months' or nothing. —That, although Mr. Seddon "soap,ed" the Wairoa geyser a week or so ago, it didn't erupt as violently as usual out of compliment to its great rival. — That six families were ptomainepoisoned in.JSew South Wai as at New Year time. They got it per presents of sausages- from a large-hearted butcher. —That the "D" Battery's annual shoot js down for t"ne~day on, which the General's horse runs at Trentham. If -the "shoot" is postponed, remember •this par. — That the "baker's dozen" Treasury officials who .recently syndicated, and drew a fat prize in Tattersall's, do not believe that thirteen is an unlucky number. — That an English firm us. now manufacturing whisky from sawdust, and we may therefore be able to get whisky ■ "direct from the wood" in New Zealand next month. — That, according to a little schoolgirl essayist on the greatest British sailor : "Nelson was wounded for our transgressions." She was awarded a special prize. — That the Federal Parliament loses. about £875 a-year on its "Bellamy's." You see, the House runs the refreshment business itself, but has promised ,not to do it again. — That visitors from the country are evidently not safe in Wellington. A Dannevirke man lost all his belongings on the Quay on Tuesday night. In fact, the cork came out. , — That meat is "down" a little, thanks to local butchers. Wonder whether the controllers of the local butter market can take a hint, arndtiie fruiterers also ditto. , — That the Petone councillor who ' oounted five million dogs in that interesting manufacturing suburb, should be made Government statistician before he is lost to the colony. — That a correspondent wants to know if the New Zealand football team will get medals. Of course! Everybody has got a medal for something. Why not the footballers P — That a large number of restless spirits have already intimated that they will stand for Parliament at the next general elections. Evidently, the country still needs saving. — That the first thing the bowlers did before they Started the tournament was to have their photos taken. Even the most advanced age does not rob man of his pardonable vanity. —That Mr. J. G. W. Aitken is going Home to Britain. Perhaps, he hasn't a big enough choice of ladies here. Sporting wager that he brings back — that is to say, comes back single. — That the beer party may take heart of grace. "Mr. to move that the Roensing vote be taken every nine years, instead 1 of trienaally as before." Did we hear faint cheers? — That a date tattooed on. the arm of an applicant for an old age pension was accented as sufficient evidence for its payment by a magistrate the other day. No lady has ever been found with her birth date carved on her. — That the electric lights of a certain church recently went out after the sermon, and refused to gee. The parson feared' that the collection would be neglected, andi struck matches while the faithful brother trundled the plate round. — That Arthur Adams should take his own words written of Henry Lawson to heart, and profit by. them : "The democracy of bitterness is not a noble thing, the hatred of the weakling for the strong . . is not the battle-cry that stirs the world. 1 ' . You're right, Artihur, right every time!

— That some of the New Zealand footballers will stay m England. Big ofters from ambitious olubs, of course. — That there are ten newspaper piopruetoiti aad five journalists iji the new Parliament. But, why this distinction? — That an Ashburton constable, on a sly-grog cruise lately, seized an empty beea cask. A bitter disappointment! — That, although it is denied that the local Chinese hare no longer a monopoly of the banana business, they still possess the majority of yellow skins. — That Australia has recently appointed four hundred extra Js.P. In a recent haul of twelve "deadbeats" in New South Wales, seven were Js.P. It is hard to escape over there. — That an' Auckland lawyer, defending alleged l rioters, put forward as a mitigating circumstance that one client dharged with violence was on the list for employment as ai policeman! — That a certain near-by advocate of pure politics is "agin" Sabbath-break-lng in Ms leading-article, and yells for more Sunday trams in a par — same issue. Oh, George, how could you? — That, although the A.ucklamd sports would) have likedl to see it, Lord Plunket could not be persuaded to "put 'em on" with Dr. Newman at the recent boxing tournament in Auckland 1 . — That the Government Tourist Department hais moved into the aristocratic neighbourhood of Panamanstreet, the Chinaman who opened a laundlry having closed it with dreadful suddenness. — That the most extraordinary advertisement of the week occurs in a Tapanui paper : "Found, umbrella. Apply, this office." This gives Tapanui the pride of plaoe as the most honest town in New Zealand. — That the riot mi Auckland! at New Sear was taken part in by five thousand people. A cracker went off. "Revolvers!" they shouted, andl dispensed temporarily. There is a hint in tins for these riots which are growing quite common in New Zealand. Blank cartridges are cheap. — That it is astonishing how many local punters claim to have been in those big New Year divvies, — £25 17s paid' out on: Rifle Maid at Featherston, and tihe £46 13s, paid l out on Chicane at Napier. Everybody struck them, of course. The butcher and the baker and the grocer, however, as usual, will be struck hardest when the accounts come in.

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