All Sorts of People

Free Lance, Volume VI, Issue 289, 13 January 1906, Page 3

All Sorts of People

MR. Seddon is a great power in. the land. People in. all walks of life tremble at his name. A stationmaster, for instance. It was like this: A young clerk going to a ball up-country 'had ordered a dresssuit from Wellington. The suit arrived, but, as ifoe railwiay office closed at 5, the 'suit was inside. The officials wouldn't ante-up; clerk in tears. Clerk's friend, knowing the Premier was holding a talk that night, rang up the station-master, and asked him how in. tine name of full v cnadlies Jones was going to meet Mr. Seddon when his diressHSfuit was being kept back in this awful red-tape way. The stationmaster paedi (through the 'phone). "Mr. Seddon?" he gasped. "11l send tihe parcel round at once!' And he did, and his marble is still good. The Clerk went to the ball, and the Premier went to the bawl. Sir Joseph Ward was faced with a large, damp difficulty the other day in Christchurch. Among his telegrams was one addressed: "Ward, Christchurch," asking him to forward at onoe "seven dozen cases of small beers." Sir Joseph hadn't got any beer in stock, and he didn't want to be disobliging. Just before he had decided to call a meeting of the Cabinet to settle this beer question, somebody suggested that there was a brewing firm of that name about, and the load of anxiety lifted from the smooth brow of Sir Joseph, rolled off, and a smile mounted to the white expanse • • • • William Henry Hawkins, ex-mem-ber for Pahiatua, has gone in for auctioneering and the business of Mr. David Crewe, ma^or of that interesting city. Anyhow, one firm of landl agents at Pahiatua have put through £180,000 worth of property in twelve months, which sounds very nice indeed. Mr. R. B. Boss, the new member, who displaced' the gentleman who was confident that he was a "lifer," is a life-taker. Mr. Ross is in charge of the Colonial Mutual from Gisborne to Wellington, and you can bet your sweet life he knows exactly what to say to the electors, and the "lives'" he is about to take. A few people in Pahiatua, having seen the apparently unattached Ross drifting through Pahiatua. occasionally, asked who this stranger was who dared to seek their suffrages, but Mr. Ross proved that, as he lived at Waipukarau, and had a wife and family, he was no ettranger. Mr. Ross got hostility from the whole population of one part of tihe electorate; in fact, twelve Prohibitionists plumped against him, and, as they thought, quite ruined his chances. This isn't the first time Mr. Ross has tried his 'hand at the political game. In 1902, he tried for the Wakatipu seat, and was beaten by Mr. Fraser. He won his spurs at Pahiatua. This is exactly what happened at a previous election to the late Mr. O'Meara, who also met defeat at the hands of Mr. Fraser at Wakatipu, and' scored at Pahiatua. Mr. Ross was a mate with the late Mr. O'Meara in the Post and Telegraph Department "ears ago, which makes th© parallel still more interest, ing. The new member for Pahiatua nas a face which is strongly marked with "talkine" lines, and it is hardly likely he will he a silent member.

A gentleman, well-known as a football referee in WeEington, but who is too modest to permit ihis four-letter name to be used, is back from England, after a two-years' absence . He says some interesting things about the New Zealand team, with whioh he lived and travelled for six weeks. He says they were the happiest family he ever knew anything of, and that "Jimmy" Duncan was "one of the most popular men in the team." Bilious beggars please note. He left) the team the d/ay of the Scotch match. Says it is "the poetry of football to see the back team galloping," that the finest game was that with Blackheath, and' bo on. a • , • His broad', sun-burned! face lit up as he said : "If there was any team that deserved to win, it was Wales." Wales sent a travelling committee round to watch the "All Blacks" and take notes. Conforming to the methods of the said "Blacks" in playing a stale team is the reason for the only defeat is the judgment of this veteran referee, who says that we are as far ahead in refereeing as in footballing. "Some of the refereeing was the hottest I ever saw," he asserts. The boys were "heroes" to the crowd. This referee of ours had a talk with tine ■wtbistler in the Surrey match who blew bis music for "'handling in the eorum." He had never seen a ball heeled out so quickly before. Mr. Dixon, hie asserts, offered to give the Surrey referee a few man to help him win the game. About Mr. Dixon. Usually he has some difficulty in speaking publicly. It is asserted that he is an after-dinner speaker of rare exoellence and polished "Diction." His "bon mots" are on tap at all the best dubs. Hardest work the footballers did was writing autographs. Thousands of dear girls rushed the members at every corner, with pens and ink. No charge was made for autographs. Thus the "Daily Telegraph," in a number published previous to the landing of thje team : — "Next Saturday we will be invaded by a team of misguided colonials, who come here to play football — for what reason We don't know." They know now. The team that adopted the New Zealand l formation fve the "All Blacks" the most trouble, there were any small grievances, the "boys,." by previous arrangement, settled them, privately, and l not a single man ever defaulted or couldn't be found when the roll was calJed. Our referee friend says it is unlikely that Thompson will ever play again. He is bandages from head to foot. • • • Mr. Gbas. P. Hanson, of New Plymouth, was the only New Zealand soldier representing £he colony at the Queen Victoria funeral obsequies, and now he has further distinguished himself by making the obsequies of a "dead marine" final To be plain, Charles has come to light with a simple expedient for preventing the refilling fraudulently of bottles. You see, the man who drinks whisky dion't care what becomes of the bottle when he has had what is in it, and a bottle that has contained Smoke and 1 Heater's celebrated liquor miay be filled by frauds with "Killstonedead" spirits, and sold again as Smoke and Heater's, and so on. , • • • One whisky firm has offered 1 a bonus of £20,000 for a bottle that cannot be fraudulently re-filled, and Charles has invented such a bottle. To open Mr. Hanson's bottle, one must take cork and bottle top off altogether, and the bottle is useless afterwards, except as a .lam No extra expense is entailed m making this class of bottle, and Charles is off very soon to the Old Country, particularly Scotland, where he was born, to make a fortune.

Mr. Maudl Jeffries, otherwise Capt. J. N. A. Osborne, of the Australian Horse, who married the tall, , distinguished actress in New Zealand 1 , during the last tour of the Jeffries-Knight combination, and wflbo is the sprightly aotor who is cast for the Johnny parts in "The Darling of the Gods" and "Beauoaire," was the green-uniformed centaur, who, as Master of the Horse during the Duke of York's visit to New Niew Zealand, held a position of more responsibility than one would imagine. His duty was to- come on ahead', and select the houses for the ducal oavaldade, test them thoroughly, and guarantee them harmless. • • • Only once was there a kick-up, and Osborne was haled before the little Prince of Wales, who demanded to know why he guaranteed l as quiet a gee-gee that buck-jumped in, the great one's presence. The accused! explained tihat he would stall guarantee the horse quiet, but one of the suite had struck the animal with the broad of his sword, and this unaccustomed treatment hadi started the performance. Would His Royal Highness dleign to step down to the stables, where he could prove what be said to be true? Yes, His Royal Highness would, and away they went together. Captain Osborne pointed out the weal left by the sword on the horse's back, and straightway the Master of the 'Horse was exonerated 1 from all responsibility. • * ♦■ Capt. Osborne went to South Africa with an Australian' Contingent, and proved such a dlasher over bad country that he became one of General French's gallopers, and for good work done was offered either the D.S.O. or a- commission in the Army. He chose the latter, but had to relinquish it an account of the continual worry caused by an "enteric leg," th© result of a bad attack of fever during the war. Miss Jeffries has a brother in the company, who is a better *buck and 1 wing^ dancer than he is an actor, but is a jolly circumstance all round. • • • Mr. A. J. Hum, a licensee of one of the Taihape hotels, a few years ago was a steward on a Union Company/s boat._ Presumably, there is money in the licensed victualling business, for the lucky one has just 'sold his interest in the business for £5000. Likewise has the hotel been let for £10 a week for five years. Interesting in the beer connection to repeat Magistrate Wardell's contention that liquor makes jolly a man not naturally a rogue, and brings out tlhe roguery m the natural rogue. All the same, the most skillful rogues generally keep deadly sober, and are usually men of exterior blamelessness. The "jolly 1 ' drunk is credited with a lot of villainy he doesn't commit, which, however, is no argument for decent people to become "jolly." • • • Mr. O'Donnell, the hero of the water - tank episode at Kilbirnde, who, when a part of his house w as burning, fired shots into the tanks with a rifle, amd the water put the fire out, is a young: man who has used a rifle before, and has "got on" in a rather astonishing way. He was a soldier-boy in one of the New Zealand contingents — Seventh, we believe. When he returned 1 from tlhe war, the O'Donnell beean erecting houses with great vigour, and is to be seen wearing light-grey suits and carrying plans round on his bike any hour of the day or night. For a man in his early thirties, the O'D. owtis quite a lot of Kilbirnie, and is building bouses as fast as a big staff can knock nails in. As a tool for hashine a hole in. a tank eive us an axe in preference to a .303 rifle. It is less heroic, and not so romantic, but it makes a ghastly wound.

Tbe deck of the Warrimoo, ou Thursday last, was the scene of a tragic happening to a distinguished! person. The vessel was about to leave , Wellington for the South, when. a. saloon passenger, Lady McClusre, of Colinton, Midlothian, died with shocking suddenness. She had been particularly bright and cheerful on the voyage from Sydney, and on the day in question, journeyed, to Island Bay in the gayest spirits- with her cousin, Miss Easton. The ladies htu> ried back to the ship in the afternoon. Lady McClure seatedi herself on, a deokseat, and two minutes later fell forward on the deok in a dead f,aint. She was picked up unconsoiouß, and carried/ into the social hall — a. dead woman. ♦ • • Lady McClure, who was travelling' the world with her two cousins, Mine* , Gamble and Easton, nad! been journeying in Australia since October last, and was about to participate in the Waikare's luxurious trip to the Wests Coast Sounds. The deceased, who was the widow of the late Sir Thomas MoClure formerly M.P. for Midlothian), was sixty-two years of age. Death was due to syncope. * * • There are scores ot people in all parts of New Zealand! that will lament the death of Mr. 0. Napier Bell, O.E. He was a quiet, unostentatious little man, who had either just . beeni somewhere, or was going somewhere, and always in connection with some leviathan engineering work that made for' the improvement of a sea-port or city. His reports bore more weight than, any other three engineers', and evidences of has skill lie scattered around the whole of the Australasian colonies, monuments to his great energy anal unquestioned reasonableness. • • • Mr. Bell was consulting engineer for the Wellington ( sewage workk, that makes our city pretty perfect (in that' respect), and! valued) the' railway stock in the: South Island! > for the Government. He reported on the Napier breakwater, and mapped 1 out a scheme of harbour improvements for the Wellington Harbour Board. Between 1885 and 1893, he was engineer to the Westport Harbour Board, and 1 was chief resident engineer for the Midland railway scheme from coast to coast. His work is just as well known everywhere in Australia, and he was one of tine Royal Commission set up to report on' the outer harbour at Adelaide. Mr. Bell, who at one time resided ait Dunedin, leaves a widow, a son, and a daughter. , • • ♦ Sir Archibald Geikie^ who, # up till four yearn ago, held trie position of Director-General of the ■ Geological Survey in England, has predicted j» second world's Flood, which he says is alarmingly near. Sir Archibald was born in Edinburgh, seventy years- ago, and was educated at the university there. Geology was his specialty, and hris works on the subject ' have been translated into many languages — languages that will be lost with the books if his Moodl happens along. * • • Says the "Leedis Mercury": — "Some years ago Lionel Terry mortally offended an aunt of his by' one of his pranks, and the good lady vowed never to speak to him again.' He was equally determined that she should. Accords ingly, he dressed himself up as a poor woman, and walked, pursued . by the' criticims of a crowd, which ihact never seen a woman of such dimensions, before, to Ms aunt's house*, in London. He rang the bell, and! asked! the servant to say that a woman in 1 very re- ■ duced circumstances desired to see the lady of the house. Wnen, he was shown in, he burst out laughing, and the aunt, divided between amusement and surprise, was obliged: to forgive him after all.'*

The last that wat> been of J. J. Devine, before Christmas 'and tlia North ' Canterbury ranges >sw allowed lum up, wao on the fcjatuid'ay that passed tor Ohristmab Eve. l He was oounu tor l±an,mea Spiing&s, and *u rived at Culverden — the. railway termiaub — .n pouring raan, oniy to find o-iat. ail the seats in. the available coaches had oeen rushed by people who moved quicker than 'he and' his friend, Cyrus WUuams, the Lyttelton engineer. Tiiose gentlemen ha,a wired 1 for places on the coach, and reckoned they Jbftouid have tue preference over those wno hadn't, but it was raining, and those- seated couldn't see the point for the drops. •~ • • A triangular argument took place between seated, seatless, and) Derrett, thj coach proprietor, while tlhe iram cuipped down on all concerned. Somebody facetiously suggested' that Mr. Devine should ride on the axle, but, apparently, there were legal difficulties, and Cyrus Williams saw an engineering impossibility in perdhing himself on the wet luggage on top. Eventually those who had "jumped 1 " the seats were cajoled out of them by Derrett promising them the best buggy in the district, and so the mcdent closed. Some people can never appreciate that there axe others, even at a railway terminus. • * » Mr. Herbert Leigh, who lent such weighty distinction to the part of Talleyrand in "A Royal Divorce," was Mr. Herbert Flemming's partner in South Africa during the war. They made money, saw much, and played, eveiythmr from the most feathery comedy to the grimmest tragedy but one — the war itself. "Times" Editor John Liddell Kelly frequently adds distinction to local gatherings by his presence; and his frock-coat and bell-topper, and last week he appeared in the role as "Will-a-gentileman-kindly - step - up-on-to-the-stage" for Czerny, the patrician-lo king conjurer. A hush fell on the huge assembly as the celebrated 1 coat-tails bobbed up the carpeted steps, and when the owner gravely bowed to the audience, and didn't bring billiard-balls or leading-articles out of the air, there was disappointment. In a firm voice Mr. Kelly assured the people there was no deception. He_ appeared to wish be yras back in his little office when a pistol was fired at him, but, finding himself still strong and well, he tripped down the carpeted steps amid the huzzas of Wellington. King Dick is still on the "cradles full" stump. He said at Hokitika the other day that in the early days the finest men who ever shoved a shovel went there and settled down. Then he added : "But, hang them, they didn't get married, and haven t left any children!" Only thing for King Dick to do is to bring in a Compulsory Marriage of West Coasters Act next session. Mr. A. B. Robinson, the little pink, white whiskered cherubim, of the literary staff of the Melbourne "Age," is making about his fifty-ninth, trip to New Zealand, of which blessed country he never tire& (subdued applause). The little pink 'un is the financial editor, or thereabouts, of the big Melbourne daily, and what ne doesn't know about Btockß and shares and salted mines and mny other question, wouldn't fill a thimble. He is very careful of his health, very dapper in his dress, very good company, and' an excellent perambulating advertisement for "God's Own Country." Mr. Robinson is the personal friend of everybody worth knowing in Australasian journalistic circles, and as soon as his chubby, pink personality appears in any old place, there is a lot of fervent handshaking and rosy expressions of 'the warmest friendship. — * • A propos of recently-dead Victor Daley, the Australian poet, his friend, "Narranghi 800-ri," paid an admirable tribute to him in tlhe "Newsletter" before he died. He said : — "Victor Daley has the highest and broadest intellect of any man who has ever privately opened his mind to me. That is merely an opinion, and I do not wish to ram it down the throat of any small-bore person who chokes at a big idea — Daleys idea. He is a giant among pigmies. lam one of the pigmies, but know my limitations, and do not allow ambition's fos: to blur my appreciation of the 'real' big man. * » . "Dalev sweepjs. the horizoni with a glittering metrical sword, while, on tlhe other hand, he seduces the soul with a satin touch. Did he use his powers, he could have been a ruthless cruncher of men, but there is too much noble gentility in his nature to seek his own material advancement. I could 1 love my country better were it more just to Daley. His faults? They furnish just a sufficiency of back-ground for the majestic picture of the big poet and the brave man in the foreground. To know Daley is to love him, and 1 this jester drops a tear, for Daley is seriously ill. 1 '

We used to think Mr. Aitkem was our habitual mayor, when he kept on be_ng chief magistrate for five periods. But, Mr. G. M. Arnold, Mayor of Gravesend, England, has been mayor seven times. He succeeded' his father, and since 1760 either an Arnold, greatgrandfather or grand-father, or pa, has held tihe office. * * * Sergeant Bird, of Chrdstohu'rch, is the police officer wiho can talk Hindustani, and is useful in translating the remarks of our fellow-loyalists of the gilt Empire. Sergeant Bird is also the early gentleman who caught the Wurm the other day, but Mr. Wurm was let off, " 'oos he hadn't don© nothink." » • » Mr. Basil Stocker, civil servant, Shakespearian student, and sporteman, has dropped the first-named designation by retiring from the Education Department. Whereupon, his associates asked him to nominate a present, or die upon the spot. Being rather fonder of taking life than losing it, he nominated a deer-stalker's telescope, to enable him to slay with greater facility the deerest thing on earth. The 'scope was duly ordered, but, though it had not arrived on New Year's Eve, it was formally presented to Mr. Stocker by the Inspector-General of Schools. The rest was mostly, "For he's a jolly good fellow!" • • • Mr. "Harry" Tripe, to whom, London is a nightmare of suffering, returned to Wellington by the Athenic, having; that queer, clean appearance characteristic of people who have just recovered from fever. The Willis-street dentist had a four months' bout of fever and rheumatics, and other dreadful things, to brighten his holiday in London, and he became so bad that even hi® life was despaired of for some time. He pulled through sufficiently to crawl on to the Athenic, to which good l ship he owes two extra stone of "ood healthy' flesh that now clothes his bones. Harry still has the limp of the sick man, but is. daily acquiring that pink, sleek aspect that proclaims him to be almost himself again.

Onoe upon an evening dismal I handed hei a paroxysmal Kiss, and spoke her name baptismal, Spoke her name — it was Leniore ; Ah, she was a scrumptious creature, Glib of tongue and! fair of feature, But, alas! I couldn't teach her, For she had been there before — And she winked' at me and murmured, Murmured the on© word "Encore!" Only that — and nothing more.