It Is Town Talk

Free Lance, Volume V, Issue 217, 27 August 1904, Page 22

It Is Town Talk

—That the "Wragge" storm named "Ward" has now been re-chnstened "The Hit 01 Miss." —That counti y cows, shaken up by the earthquake, are only just beginning to give milk again. Foi some time they gave butter. —That the newly-opened fraction of a tramway section up Coytabl«treet is not being patronised. A penny u down one short stieet is too expensive. —That the wife of an ardent Wellington prohibitionist has refused to i go toi a'hohday down South. The docto. told heY the climate would act as a stimulant. —That Wellington is the only town in the colony where children are chai ged adult faxes on the tiams Our city fathers are keen on the Almighty Dollar. . — That Lord Plunket has a high opinion of Christchurch City Council. Its address of welcome was only twenty lines long. Mayor Gray is a man of few woids. —That now the distinguished Wragge has departed' to arrange the weather for America and Britain, Captain Edwin will no longer have to hide his diminished head. —That a Moimon elder has been telling possible converts down South that the best friends he ever had were his motheis-m-law. He had seven ot them, and he knew. —That the late earthquake was mdiiectly responsible for many deaths All orei the affected area frail and aged people have collapsed, and ultimately died from the shock. —That the country press is unanimously dismissing McMuri an's book in from "one to four lines. Several mention the one fact of interest "The introduction was written by bn Kobert Stout." —That a Nelson woman writes to the paper to say she has to feed and clothe, and find rent and firing for, herself and seven children on 22s bd a week "There is no poverty in JNew Zealand." —That an Anglican clergyman, formeily of Auckland, with "no fixed place of abode," has been sent to gaol in London for assaulting a boy. He certainly made things pretty warm before he left for Home. —That the evening shadow pictuies on the balcony of a certain conspicuous boarding establishment are of absorbing interest to the loving; couple^ sitting in the gloaming m the plan ration outside. That whisky pedlars are now common in the no-license districts. Can't very well call a man with a single bottl^ of whisky and a glass a "sly-grog shop. The no-licen,se citizens call these gentlemen "lighthouses." That there is something radically wrong with the law that prohibits a longer impi isonment than three months for cruelty to children, and permits a life sentence for robbeiy of and violence to an adult. That, at'iural Waipawa tine unimproved value of some properties is at the rate of £3600 an acre. They ought to be paved with gold, and set with diamonds. We'll always have surpluses while we have such "wealth." That, at the recent Supreme Court sittings in Wellington, a lawyer asked a witness if he had ever seen the prisoner at the bar. The witness couldn't actually say he had seen him, but he had olfactory evidence that he'd bete n there. That, a propos of Mr. Baibei and the piece of load metal he stumbled over all the passengers on Lambton Quay had to crawl over or go round a foui -feet-high pile of sand dnmped light in the centre of the footpath one recent day. It need not have been there. That the City Council should arm the tram-guaids with revolvers and swords. The passengers don't seem to understand that the guards have bought them body a>nd soul. Some of the guards must have been brought up in the German Aimy. —That football jargon gets mixed up with everything just now. A ,ady was asking the attendant at a boot shop for some "footwear" for her lttle daughter. "What size?" said tr-e youthful shopman. "Two or thiee, ' she said. "Two-three? Oh, I believe in the three-two. That's what right says."

That it is a curious circumstance that a local preachei, noted ion his veibosity, should lejoice in the patronymic of Wagg. —That the Mi. R. L. Seddon who captained the 1888 team of Bntush footballers was di owned in the Parrainatta (New South Wales) Rivei . That a country couple have recently gone honeymooning in a quaint fashion. They departed foi a week's jaunt in a milk cait. That the Tourist Department evidently still have hopes of Waimangu. It holds its place- as the premiei attraction in the advertisements. That a Socialist we know is advocating "one man one nfle" in New Zealand. One of his friends further advocates "one capitalist one bullet." — That a Westpoit tiadesman is exhibiting in his window a list of his debtors. It attracts more attention than the news of a big football match. — -That a local clergyman pieached on the virtues of economy last Sunday, and is still w onderuig why the collection only panned out 3s 9di in threepenny bits. — That up-country people, who read that there were 380 applications for a junioi clerkship in Wellington, won't believe the Budget's assertion that there are no unemployed in New Zealand. — That one of the funereal firs in the Kent-Cambi idge Tei races "avenue" is close enough to the tramline to swish passemgei-s in the face. Will the Council kindly lop that offending branch off? — That a Southei n di apery firm is right up to date. It advertises that it will send its private motor-car to convey intending purchasers to its "unparalleled bargain sale." Now then, Wellington I — That a Wairarapa person was sent to gaol for a month last week for being illegally in the garden of Eden. Mr. Eden swore that it was so, and also that the person took some things "he didn't oughter " — That Victonan Chief Justice Madden recently took eight hours and anhalf to sum up a case. That means that the speech would occupy sixty columns of the "Post." What a life assurance agent he would make ' — That the Governor has evidently swatted up a good deal of knowledge about New Zealand. He's able to catechise school-children off his own bat without carrying a "crib." Then of eouise, his jovial Excellency is a real B A. — That some people think it scandalous that poor little white childien, who are not wise enough to know their own father, should find sanctuary with the Maoris. Why shouldn't they go to a Maoii pah if their own pa won't come to them? — That a country paper is in a quandary. It has been advocating an extension of the railway, and its subsciibei , who is a carter, threatens to stop h^s papei . The paper publishes his letter, and asks the world to think of its wife and family. — That an alleged fight, leported by the Pi ess Association to have taken place at Woodville, between Salvation Army bandsmen and citizens, is now said to be partly Press Association imagination The affair will possibly go to court. — That the tramway engineer and manager's boldly piinted pronouncement in all the electric cam re guards, bells, etc., had instant effect The guards' smiles are ah eady absolutely bewitching, and passengers' comfort more secure.