Afternoon Tea Gossip

Free Lance, Volume IV, Issue 175, 7 November 1903, Page 10

Afternoon Tea Gossip

By Little Miss Muffitt.

THE secretary of the Australian Women's Association is euphoniously designated Florinda Potts. As an advanced woman, she is scarcely likely to change it. * * * Dr Dowie's Australian oven-seer says that no man who eats pork or onions, smokes, or drinks can be saved. 1 shall continue to eat pork and onions, and I may be saved— from Dowie. * ■*■ ** Noticeable that there is one little woid of only five letters that even educated people spell wrong. kven the Premier spells it wrong. I can t concede any other way of spelling it selfThe 26th of October was the 49th anniversary of the famous charge of the Light Brigade. About 250 men. or the 11th Hussars e-d 16th Lancers came out alive. I believe that something like 2500 of those men are still alive. * * * Police Inspector Cullen, of Auckland, adds another nail to the coffin of our military pride. He says that policemen recruited from the Contingents and the Permanent Force have shown a desire to shirk their duty as much as possible. Not learnt in the field, I h °P e - Julius Knight's calves have never been known to shift. lam informed, on reliable authority, that nature supplied Marcus with his chief physical glory. The renowned Barrett once inglonously entered a Roman arena with one of his calves half-mast high. Perched over six inches of false heel, a disturbed calf is inelegant, the glorified kilt of a Prefect enhancing the unbeautiful eifect. T * * There were three drays laden with huge stones m Willis-street on Thursday evening last "Wonder where them come from?" asked a juvenile of his mate. "Oh, you're too slow to catch a cold," responded his sharp mate. "Them's the stones what Mr. Aitken 'picked' w hen he turned the first sod of the trams tins afternoon '" As there were about six yards of blue rock, it appears to me that Mr. Aitken's assertion that he could use a pick was not boastful. * * * A new profession for ladies is tihat of a "hair producer." Several are advertising their ability to persuade a luxuriant growth on the smoothest poll, and I have no doubt quite a lot of people will believe it. If people with any roots left could be persuaded to rub their bald crania with a new sheep fleece three or four times a day, they would soon nroduce a crop. Wool yoke invariably does the trick w hen all else fails. In a shed of "old-hand" shearers you will find the men invariably have shaggy arms. ■v - #• Paderewski, the pianist, is really bound for the Pacific. He is bringing what hair he has left. It is computed that a Paderewski life-long shearing, if loaded on a wool-dray, would "bog" it on a solid metalled road in dry w eather. Paderewski locks were sold to American women ait a "dollar fifty" a time, and ranged in colour from Saxon tow to Kaffir w 001, according to the complexions of the tramps specially coralled to supply the mementoes. All Wellington ladies requiring locks are asked to send in their applications- at once, as Paddy" cannot bear his present head of hair much longer now the weather is getting warmer. * * + Have you seen Mr. Meikle p He is the unfortunate man who cannot get le^dress for having been sent to gaol foi seven years for a crime he did not commit. If I know anything about outward evidences of determination, the square, rugged characteristics of this unflinching man will yet carry him through. He is squaire physically from his feet up. If he had been a soldier, Mr. Meikle is the sort of man who would die very hard. He is to be seen any day in the streets, carrying a large leather haversack, containing the whole of the evidence and documents with which he is able to prove his right to have his name removed from the criminal records.

Phil May's estate totalled £803' He coaikl get £20 foi the light of publication ot an oidinaij joke, and could sell the oiiginal tor £10. Also, he could turn a £20 subject out in. half-an-houi . Ho \\ as alw ays in debt — a lovable eccentncity in a gemus, but an execiable tcuult with a mediocnty. * * * Advance, ye Amazons' Alexandra Ladies' Club (Victoria) has a large membership, and some of tbe "nicest" women of the garden State belong to it. To shorn that they desire equality with man, the ladies have applied for a license for the sale of malt and spirituous liquors. The police are opposing. * • ♦ I am pained to hear that King Edward has removed all statues of the late John Brown from the Royal residences. One used to be confronted w ith the unbeautiful gillie at every turn while strolling through the royal parks and places. John Brown's faithfulness was absolutely touching. He had fe^ temptations to be unfaithful. Nobody ever wanted to cut his salary down. * * Brigadier-General Gordon, the blonde younc man who is now Commandant of the Victorian forces, evolved from tlhe newspaper office, was once a reporter, and afterwards a small editor. The press is but a stepping-stone to higher seats with many. There is our own Captain "Jacky" Hughes. Law clerk, newspaper man, soldier and adored society man, the friend of Governors and lordhngs. Mdlle. Irene Dreyfus, related to the unfortunate French officer of "Devil's Island" fame, is a teacher of her language in Melbourne. She has lately been made an "Ofncier de L'lnsf ruction Publique." Which, reminds me that Dr. Laishley, of Auckland, retired on account of ill-health, is the only New Zeialander holding a like distinction. He, however, ranks somewhat higher, being a "chevalier." * * ■* "Scotty" w^rites me from South Africa saying that he was recently a traveller passing De Wet's farm. Christian, in moleskin trousers, and his old hat with thie Boer motto thereon, was driving a team of mules at a plough. The wily general w r as uttering words that he has hundreds of times addressed to his followers. "Trek schelm'" The mule that wouldn't trek for Christian and his sjambok isn't born yet. That Eltham man, who received the final dividend in a bankrupt estate of 8d the other day. per cheque, and paid sixpence exchange and a penny for receipt, is not alone. I know an old lady who regularly receives each year an annuity of Is in the estate of a deceased relative. It seems that no funds were left for administration, for the old la.dv regularly leceaves the lawyer's bill of costs, 6s Bd, with postage added ' * *■ * There might, with advantage, be some law compelling grocers to mention the proportions of adulterants used in some of their products. When one buys the "best coffee," for instance, one does not expect to get a large proportion of burnt pea, flour, or maize meal in it. Real coffee improves with cooking. Boil the coffee one gets for the best price in Wellington, and it has to be eaten with a spoon — like gruel. Even chicory, usually allowable, doesn't thicken.