Entre Nous

Free Lance, Volume IV, Issue 174, 31 October 1903, Page 12

Entre Nous

WELLINGTON is getting an. It has now some of the class of human pariahs who decoy chiidien away, remove their olothes, and let them go. At Home this particular kind of sneak thief is rampant, and gipsies are usually the culprits. It is kind of the local substitute for the Romany people to give back the children. * * ■*■ Curious effect of the recent drought, much felt in the suburbs. In a certain suburban row of houses, at 8 o'clock in tlhe morning last week, the house father of No. 1 would go to each of his neighbour's doors. "It's your turn," he would say laconically. He would measure out the water in the hand-basin (one dipperful), lave his own face and hands, and then being the only one in the row who had amy supply in his tank) pass on the benefit to has grateful neighbours. This happened in the city area. The city that promises for itself municipal perfection! ♦ * * "There is one law for the rich, and another for the poor" — sometimes. Extraordinary in these days of alleged enlightenment to find a jury recommending a man of fiendish tendencies to mercy on account of his social position. That case cabled, in. Which a solicitor of Birmingham was sentenced to seven years' imprisonment with hard labour, for maiming a horse, is evidence of sieveiral things First, that juries are sometimes swayed in favour of a man. by his position, second that judges are waking up to the fact that there may be as big blackguards in high life as m low, and thirdly, that horse-maiming is a greater offence than child-maiming or manslaughter if the punishment fits the crime. Mrs. Penrudducke, for childmaiming:, was fined £50 , Mrs. Drake, for inflicting injuries resulting in death, "went up" for four years , the solicitor who maimed a horse getting seven years. If anything ever clearly demonstrated the worship showered uuon St. Hippo, this does. We contend that even the simple pastime of laying a wife out with a poker is worthy of as .great a punishment as the doping or maiming of a horse, however aristocratic his pedigree.

The clauses Mr. T. E. Taylor proposes getting inserted in the new Licensing Bill if possible, if passed into law will require several thousands of inspectors to see that tihe law is observed. ]i,very man with, a vineyard, a bop-held., or a barley paddock, will have to be watched to see that he doesn't manufacture any wine, beer, or spirits, and a system of house to house espionage will certanly nave to be devised to track the pernicious gooseberry wine to its deadly lair. The coastguard will be revived, for the smuggled will certainly see a bug field of operation hi these islands. Mr. Taylors clauses are an example of the delightful optimism that always distinguishes Turn, but the day of colonial prohibition and tine revival of smuggling is not yet. ♦ * * "One Sufferer" writes to the Lance telling us that he, a resident of Thorndon, has crossed the railw ay line for the last fourteen years. He further states that all foot passengers, "through mistaken zeal," are not now allowed to use the crossing between Bunny-street and the crossing opposite the Railway Hotel. "One Sufferer" suggests that somebody has an "axe to grind." The chief probability is that the officials complained of have orders to obey ; orders that their predecessors were not troubled with. If "One Sufferer" knows the officials to be exceeding their duty, he, as part owner or the railway system has a grievance that can only be remedied by the Ministea* of Railways. * * * Said a sweet little musical mezzo, "The trouble with me is I bezzo , I get marvellous tips, And might wallow in chips — But — confound it all ' — I forgezzo!" # * * Mrs. Frances Day, the Enlglishi lady who tortured her little daughter, being guilty of "gross and unnatural cruelty," goes to gaol for six months ! Double as long as a recent swearer got, and quarter as long as an Australian^ thief who stole a runepenny tin of baking powder was awarded. 'An.otth.er English, lady (Mrs. Penruddu'cke), who was an aristocrat, was fined £50 for hideous cruelty a while back. She paid it with as much sense of sacrifice as she woiuld feel if she bought a cheap wedding present for a friend. Seems to us the scales of justice want an inspector. * * * Evidently one may get anything from a second-hand cookery book to a title by advertising. Following is an English advertisement culled from an American paper, and probably appeals to millionaires with sons 1 —"Highly important to a Gentleman of unblemished character, social standing, and wealth. — -The Advertiser is in a position to arranee for hereditaay title. — Address, in confidence, etc."

Curious thing that when the Corporation steam-roller is on the job it is preceded by a man holding a red flag, or the- flag is stuck m a pole at the end of the piece of road being rolled. The traction engine drawing three oars of metal travels at double the rate, but it is not dangerous enough to have a red flag. Wherefore, 0 Council ? A propos of that pole on which the flag is stuck. The legend thereon reads "This road is closed for traffic." This suggests, of course, that for the convenience of traffic that particular bit of roadl is sacred. The Corporation mean that • "This road is closed to traffic." Although this prohibitory placard' is displayed, the roads over which the red flag flies are not closed to traffic. One, therefore, reads the sad. legend, in its humorous sense. * « • Curious to read that miners in New South Wales are striking because their employers cannot insist on the men's safety. Want them to use safety lamps, and live, instead of the ancient bit of naked candle stuck in the hat. Demonstrates how little the average worker values his own life. Give me ten bob a day and danger, rather than 8s a day and safety, seems to be their position . * * ¥■ A propos of introducing Indian ayahs and other servants into New Zealand 1 ! Why not ? They are the most doc-iie creatures existing. We cannot get white girls: to take domestic service, and sooner or later we have got to have domestic help of some kind. England has hundreds of Indian servant®, the only drawback being that they usually die of cold in about two y^ars. Then, o f course retired officers and ofcheis send to. India for some more. If you offered an Indian ayah 10s a week to look after your children, she would probably bring twelve or fourteen reilatives to live on that wage, having been used to about four rupees a month. Indian servants would bei so picturesque. Our particular ayah used to wear two o/ three hundred pounds worth of jew els in her nose and in her ears. * * * Another instance of the unequal balance of Justice's scaJes. An Englishman gets seven yeais for horse stabbing. A Frenchman m New South Wales four years for man stabbing. * * * A sad tale of rheumatism. He was aii Adelaide-road man, and ha suffered particular tortures for many years. He fl ore steel rings, rubbed his cramped limbs v\uth ointment, and still suffered. One day he 1 saw in his paper the picture of a man he used to know. The man, as he had known him, was an abject specimen, attenuated., bent, wrinkled, old. The man m the photograph had been cured with Bogg's Balm, and was a smiling, happy, hearty chap, without a wrinkle. He lived in Napier. Our rlieiumatic friead hadn't seen him for years. He would take a trip up, and, among other things, find out particulars cf the wonderful cure. He called (the address was given in the testimonial). Did Mr. Gaggs live here ? No, but Mrs. Gaggs did. Gaggsi had been dead seven years. What hald he died of ? Rheumatic fever. Sad !

People m courts still go on. kissing the insanitary "Book." One Melbourne witness, the other day, asked P.M. Panton, to allow him to kiss his own Bible, which he had brought with him. The P.M. gave the required permission, saying, "It is a shame to kiss a thong like that," pointing to the Court volume. Seeing that a new Book can, be bought for sixpence one would think that a fresh copy could be used on each, court day. On the contrary, the same Book usually does service (to doctors 1 ) by being repeatedly saluted for yeans. It is time that the relic of barbarism should be "wiped out." * * * "J.C." to the Lance — '"The blessings of civilisation ! I live in the suburbs. We have a telephone bureau. It is a new bureau, and necessary, as the place is growing rapidly. I had! occasion to call up the city last Sunday. The bureau-master informed me that ordinarily the price per message was 2s 6d, but, being Sunday, he would let me use the machine for 3s. As I did not want to buy any telephones, I naturally held on to my 3s. You wouldn't call that man dishonest, would you, Lance?" * * * The Federal Parliament ha® its sensations. Only last week a member rose in wrath, and complained that an old age pensioner was actually having his daughter taught the piano at his own expense* — that is to say, with money taken from his pension. It cost 15si a quarter, or something, and 1 the girl had great musical aptitude. Federal "Hansard" contains a Ion? report of the wrangle arising out of this incident,, and the cost of becoming angry over so small a matter would probably be sufficient to teach music to some dozens! of old age pensioners' children. It is probably as much the duty of an old age pensioner to te»ach a child with an aptitude for music as it is to teach a child mathematics who lias an aptitude for figures. * * * Dean Ho veil, of Napier, is a muchrespected volunteer chaplain, and it tv as considered worth parading a volunteer battalion the other day when he was awarded the volunteer long-service decoration. The authorities made a function of it. Interesting to learn that men who have won the coveted ahd 1 senior decoration the D.C.M.. have had them sent to them through the post without even the tap of a drum. Sergeant Fletcher, of the D Battery, who won the distinction, was the last man; to get the D.C.M. The "function" lasted about twa minutes, and was nearly as impressive as the handing out of a stripe to a "lance jack " or a biscuit to a "Tommy." * # ♦ The average person who buys meat is under the imnressaon that the little blue stamp on the loint he buys proves tihat the inspector has certified that it is good, wholesome food. As a matter of fact, the butcher puts the stamp there himself. The live animal may have been seen by the inspector, of course, and the average butcher is expected to be honest enough not to stamp meat that in his unexpert opinion is not good food. It is believed' he will ring up the inspector! At 4or 5 o'clock in the morning?

Auckland is stirred at the fact tihati m numberless cases the pats of butter sold in that city are under weight. lou will have noticed that the ordinal y small parcel of the product sold here and elsewhere is not stamped witln the weight it is supposed to contain It is probable, of course, that all the pats one gets weigh one pound, but, there should be a guarantee. * • • Everybody now-a-days is physically cultured to the last ounce. It surprises one to see one's eight-year-old daughter lifting a 2.51b. coalscuttle twenty-five times over her head, but refusing to fill the said scuttle. Also, it may horrify you to obseive the hope of the family. a?ed twelve, lying on his back, with tihe family library on his chest, doing the "tomb of Hercules, when you want him to tote a 151'b. baby round. One little school is doing miuoh to put muscle on its pupale. Several cows belonging to the pupils parents have gone sick. They have been milked so vigorously. Here is a letter from one tired mother to the teacher — You must leave off teaching my little girl fisical torture. She needs yet reedan and figors and sums more as that. ir I want her to do any jumpin I km make her jump.— Yrs. trooly, Mrs. Green. * * * Dan Lcno, the "King's jester," who is saad to be happily recovering from temporary mental aberration, recently attended a concert at Bournemouth. After one song, Dan rose, and, moruntimr thci stage patted the singer on the back made a wonderfully humorous speech, sat down to the piano, sang his best song and won the honours ot the evening. At the same time, Dan recognised no fronds until after this impromptu entertainment, so that ne was practically irresponsible when to made the decided hit he is credited with. * Tale told by Johnny Coleman -"On one occasion I played a lengthy season with the Black Sheep Company at Joihn Stetson's Park Theatre, Boston. A Mr John Braham was his leader, and he was very proud of his orchestra. Me was very ambitious, and wished to play some higher class music. He had requested Stetson for some time to get him a pair of kettledrums, and Stetson finally consented. At the first rehearsal the musicians used the instruments thf orchestra played the overture to 'William Tell.' Stetson had been sri> tmg at the back of the theatre. He listened for some time to the. music o4 the kettledrums, occasionally mumbling a congratulatory remark. * * • "Finally, the drummer laad his sticks down, folded his arms, and leaned back in his chair. Stetson watched hum for a while, then, walked down the aisle. 'Stop this rehearsal,' he said to the conductor. Then turning to the drummer, he asked 'What's the matter with you? Why ain't you playing ?' 'I've got thirty-two bars rest,' answered the drummer. 'Well, just you look hero, replied Stetson, 'I paid 150 dollars for thos« things, and just play them, dash you!'" # A Waikato schoolmaster a few days ago received the fallowing note from the mother of a boy who had been absent for a day or two — " Dere Sir, — plese eggscuse Willy. H didnt hay but ono pare of trowses, an I kep him home to wash and mend them, and Mrs. O'toole's cow come and et them up off the line and that owt to be eggscuse enuff, goodness nose. Yours with respeck, Mrs. B." *■ * * It was at the Lower Hutt. The sweet, soft evening air of spring, laden with scentsi that may have been of the lotus, just made a whisper m tlho trees. ' You must not imagine," she said, "that I would be willing to sat out here alone w ith. you if you were not so big and strong and able to pick me up as if I were a mere child — in case anything happened." Then, because nothing happened, she told her friends that he was dull-witted, and probably had a soul like a withered lemon. * * * That new motor-bicycle by-law of the City Council is good. Having seen the modern abomination in all its smellful rushfulness at Chnstchurcb, it is easy t.> give, the motor-bike the premier place as a city nuisance. The hooting, vibrating monstrosities, with traileis behind and trailers- alongside, are one of the least lovely features of the Cioy of the Plains. Everybody rides a bike there, and the youngsters appear to have been born on wheels. It is the ambition of everybody to get a smellful motor-cycle. Interesting in this connection to know that the average motor cyclist can count on his nerve holding far about eighteen months, after which the vibration wall have resulted in atrophy of the muscles of the arms and hallucinations. At King's 'Cross Hospital (London) there is a motor cycle ward, in which the nerve victims of the fearsome steel steeds are trying to win back a grip on their muscles and senses generally.

Before begirmmg play on the Victoria Club's bowling green, last, Saturday, the photo-fiend (facetiously called "Old Bismarck") went to considerable trouble in arranging for a photograph. As he was buried in his cloth another gentleman, in the same line rushed in th© gate, frantically kicked off his boots, and made tracks for the centre' of the green. His apparatus was ready in a twinkling, and before the opposition party had emerged from his sighting operations, had taten his s/hot, calling out, "Thank you'" Old Bismarck had to be removed. * * * Oh, life is a riddle — A wild game of chance. , Tune up the fiddle An' join in the dance ' Bright eyes are winning, With joy in each glance , Life's just beginning — Join in the dance' * # ■* Su' Malcolm MoE.aohern, Lord Mayor of Melbourne has several billets besides. Ho bMFHR. for Melbourne, a lieutenant-colonel of volunteers, and Consul-General for Japan. Therefore, he is affection atoly known as "Pooh Bah." He is further threatened with a High Commissioiiersliip for Australia in. London. Like our own Mr. Aitken, a-s long as "Mac" stands there is no hope for anybody else. Why can't we have a "Lord" Mayor"