It's Town Talk

Free Lance, Volume III, Issue 132, 10 January 1903, Page 26

It's Town Talk

—That wea.thei piophets pi edict a hot, diy sumraei Winch summc- and when ? — That a, politician has descnbed a wooden leg a* an amendment to the constitution. —That a history of the wai written b\ 700 Boers," will be good reading, especially if they each give separate opinions. 7) —That a mummer," who is testing m town at present, is not going to Afuca afte/all He fears eggs-os-tnch eggs -That the surest way to amun .a lady of diminutive stature is to li t hei oft her feet and kiss her. She is up in arms' at once. —That, although dice suggests bare bones, it is still a rattling game It cannot be said to be a spotless foim of amusement, however —That the King has create*! a new nosition Many peers are now; striving ESS to get the sinecure of Master of the King's Motor Cars. —That Home farmers, feeling themselves behind the times are said to be setting their nloughs made in New Zealand. Now then E.M. —That a mean man tells us the only method he has found to P«*ent bors bathw in his artificial pond is to put several bars of soap in the water. —That a Wairarapa pastoi. who preached a sermon on "Economy last S£k was wise enough to have the collection taken up before he started. —That a lunatic horse has been discovered down South. He thinks he is a dog and tries to sleep in a kennel. Losing a race is supposed to be the cause of his aberration —That, in Chalmers, outside Dunedm, the sexes could pair off very pven y. Its electoral roll shows 3016 men and 301 o women There is still South Africa left for the odd man. —That when a man raises his hat to a lady and discovers that she is a stranger, it requires considerable seltpossession, and skill to make believe, he is on.lv smoothing down his hair —That we live at the Antipodes and it is summer here. There was ice in Foxton the other day. It is time for the coloaiv to climb dow n from the gidch eminence of its guide-book climate. —That calm and peaceful Balclutha has had to increase its police force, as the original constabulary, revolver and all, is insufficient to quell the spirits ot the non-alcoholic youth of the town. —That the quaintest advertisement of the week is in a Wairarapa paper, and reads "Wanted, immediately, secondhand coffin must be in good order ) Price del-vered at to A Me . —That five persons, whose ages average 77 years, dined together at Wanganui on Christmas Day. This is all the more remarkable seeing that all had been life-long abstainers from the ruddy wine —That a country paper wutes a touching obituary notice describing in detail, and half-a-column, the death of the horse of "our esteemed carter, Mi . Mick O'Reilly." Why not subscriptions for a monument ? That a Wanganui solicitor was fined £1 and costs for letting has daughter, who had measles, ride in a tram And vet in a Northern town the otl c" cm six witnesses wcie called in open court, and all were duly "measled." That a young man from the count n seeks a life partner, who 'must, have led haar " As, m these latter ckns the erstwhile vulgar tint is worn bv the nobihtv under the style of auburngilt," duches=es aie not exempt under this advertisement That the baby who fell into an open well and was earned thiough 000 feet of pine, and rescued uniii]ured, is no relation to the child of two summeis who fell into a ditch containing six inches of water up North and got drowned The w ind to the shorn lamb ? —That Lord Milnei's sen-ices in Afuc* have been so valuable that they evide-Uv do not want him there any moie Wherefore, he is tipped for the Australian Governor-Generalship V\ o wonder if he can stand "poverty bettei than his Grace of Lmhthgow 9 —That streets in country tow-ns are not all they might be. A bujrjn stuck in the mud in front of a draper s emporium up the line The draner was in the throes of his "holiday" business and too busy to helo get the trap out Now ho is sorry. Tt was his best customer who was hosted

— -That the aveiage shoppci needs a .set of practical buy law s — That theie will be moie lu&tones of the Boer wai than, theie weie battles in it. — That ah each the 41b loaf is lOcl m some paits of the colon\ It is a pit\ to stop so close this side ot a shilling —That earthquake shocks at Eltham and clsewheie ha,\ c then uses. Consider the new bucklaymg tl^ necessitate. —That a steamer was sold bv auction in LUtelfco'i the othei da> She ieahsed l.s and provided the explosion at tihr lesatta -That a Mouteie lach has shot 300 blackbnds with hei own gun tln« season She is wanted m Somahland, blackbnding " That the sordid end of the war outh\es the glory Austiahan ex-soldiers aie still clamouring m Court for their a 1 rears of pa\ .That theie was a toucli of nonv about that little bout with flatirons in a Haming-street Mongolian ' blanchisseue" the other night. — That a Southern junman was excused bv His Honor the other da\ because he said he had dyspepsia, and never agreed with anvboch —That it is not safe to mention black sheen to a Wellington sport who has been deer shooting during the hohdavs. He found them "dear" spoit. —That a Ne^v Plymouth lady had her muslin dress set, ablaze recently b\ a match carelessly thrown M a passer -b^. Must be summer up that w ay. —That the old superstition that the howling of a dog heralds a, death tinned out to be true in a Southern suburb on Tuesday. The clog is dead. —That a hitherto clean-shaven business man, of the guav is letting his whiskers grow. He says he is trying to get. them out of his system —That a local man is not going away for his customary "fortnights r-uiet, this year. His wife has a cold, and cannot speak above' a whisper. —That if you are asked "can a tin whistle " you will reply with the promptitude that made your reputation as a ]oker, 'No but a tin can. —That a Hawera Chinaman wf? fined 30s for furious driving. He is no. i elation to Wellington Mongols, who apparently arrive one day after due date. —That a Wellington lesident has a uarrot that has lived for seventy years Shout tasting water We know an octogenarian gentleman who easily beats this." —That a miciobe affecting bees and causing them to lose their stings, has £2 discovered The Opposition will be inoculated free of charge should they so desire —That a piopos of drought, seveial New town youth tried ' P^ l^ °\ U * bore "on New Year's night The bore stiuok water, and arrived home m a damp state. — That when you see a \ouug woman making a fuss over a widow ci's children, it is a sign that if she does not soon acquire aright to conect them it will not be her fault. —That a lady up" for her 120 th bout of wrestling with the fateful alcohol recently pleaded she should be let off as she had a situation to go to xNice quiet domestic 1 —That in leplv to a Sunday school teacher's quen . "Win did his bi others put Joseph in the pit?" the bright scholar replied, 'Because there was no room for him in the famih cncle That, m a recent King Country sly-grog case, His Honoi asked the arresting constable if he knew whisk\ when, he tasted it Robeit, winking the othei eve, said he was no Judge —That the Delhi durbai " to celebiate the accession of the King cost enough money to stave off an Indian famine One of these interesting events ma\ be now looked forward to That, according to S\dne\ Sunday Times," possibh theie are weak-kneed kowtowing' Cabinet Munsteis in Austidhd, whoeavvthe popular^ , the business capacitx and the luck of Richaid Seddon ' —That the loss of a -powerful" pieacher will be sadly felt in a little Wanaiapa town. Dm ing a mnustr\ of five years, the last mimstei has pounded five Bibles out of their cozens and kicked a good-sized hole in the pulmt —That the latest device of girlhood is a fancy for stuffme, pillows with then old love-letteis There is one thing about the contents of these pillow s that cam be depended upon with a marked degiee of certain^ — tl^ aie sure to be soft — That the Noithern policeman who camped 'nice and ouiet" until a man had drunk himself into a disoiderlv person," and then marched him to the lock-up mitrht have prevented him from breaking the law But it would net be police etiquette