It's Town Talk

Free Lance, Volume III, Issue 131, 3 January 1903, Page 26

It's Town Talk

That ait Clmstmas time the hbbei's fancy Lightly turns to thoughts of fish. — That the pea-rifle boy is again on the warpath, and fatal accidents are rife. — That, if \ou want to see something reial funny, hunt up a pictuie of yourself taken about twenty years ago. — That prohibition is a leal good thing. In Ashburton rents that have hitherto been 12s have risen to 20s. Cold watei is pretty expensive. — That, if you should be induced to regard a gnl attired in silk as "a noem " it maiv bring you to your senses on beholding the poem in print — That, because a girl wears several •wedding rings it does not follow that she has been married several times. Her father may be a pawnbroker. — That the smart Willis-street dentist, who is' commencing to show up m the cricket world is never so much at home as when he is "drawing the stumps." — That Dr Pomare has not been to Parihaki lately. It is assumed he oannot get through the atmosphere. There is a native gathering there, and the shark season is a good one. — That a sianitary bible, for court-kiss-ing purposes, is in the market. It is bound in celluloid. Celluloid is inflammable. Would not do for people with fiery, w hasky-induced breaths. — That an estimable Wellington citizen, w J ho has. always been iega.rded as deaf, has been cured. The man who cured him is about to patent the formula ''Come 'an 'aye a drink." — That a Wellington camera enthusiast, whose wife feared much that baby was about to have a fit, nearly broke his neok getting his machine before the chance 1 of a snap-shot was gone. — That Wellington is alleced to be full of Dunedmites driven from the Scotch city by tlhe dredging slump, and who are invading the G.B. in. search of billets.. Why not write to Carnegie p — That the term '"wire," as used for telegrams, is. usually regarded as slang. It is King's English now, for H.M. uses it, and the royal wish has been exoressed that, it shall be included m the newest dictionaries. — -That a novel case is being heard over on the ''other side." A married w oman is suing a former lover for breach of promise. She evidently wants something to start house-keeping on. Nice for hubby ' — That there has been, more flogging punishment in Australia during the last twelve months than ever before. One wretch who battered an old man nearly to death, moaned out that he could not stand it, as he was delicate' — That a prisoner to w horn the sentencing judge remarked that he could not have had a pleasant life, as he had been in gaol fifty-six times, remarked that k truly he had had many trials during his long career of ill luck." — That some of the "cases" against sly-grog sellers, in the King country, were alleged to have been obtained by guileless detectives perambulating in a piano case mounted on a dray. They have to work up oases somehow . \ — That old customs die hard. We Vaiinot have snow -balling at Christmas However, there has been a good deal of '^now-dropping" in the suburbs, the name given to the colonial industry of annexing washing hung out to dry. --That prohibition is progressing. In-noce-nt-lookinig probationers have recently been putting down the drink in the piohabition districts. They served twnitv-four summonses at Kawhia, and eigrtty in the King country back-blocks. — That thirst is costing people dearly at present in Gisborne A wanderer from the path, against wliom an "order" existed, paid £10 to the revenue A publican was fined £2 for supplying a Maori woman Wherefore the disparity" — That "memory lessons" are given m some schools now . Just before 'bieaking up," a bright youth in answer to a question as to tihe "longest sentence he could remember " reckoned that "imprisonment for life" about took the prize. — That Mr F Pirani is remarking that he is the onh politician who made the Premier dance. Seems that the heavy and light w eights both engaged in temsichorean exercise at a Hutt banquet, and that Freddy tried to beat the favourite. He was as fresh as ai pink when the Premier save it up

— That it is, the mail u ho stutteis tliat has yen r little to say about ping-pong — That a boy would not bo hap'jv m heaven unless he could iuii the n«k ot breaking lias neck. — That the erstwhile 3d beei is now Ocl ait Iniveioargill. The joy has gone out of many lives m consequence. —That ex-M.L.C. and new M.H.R Jennings has promised "to do in the past w hat he has done in the futuie" ' — That the old year is rapidly wearing out So are some of the children's Christmas "squeakers." Hurrah ! — That a Dannevirke farmer wishes to dispose of a trap to carry thirty tons, and is advertising it as "light and easy running." — That 50,000 people in this country are engaged m the "cow-banging" industry. This is t/he country where "everybody" gets holidays. — That, since Auckland w as told that the Domain cricket pitches were ahead of ' Lords" or the "Oval," it ha® been decided to go in for cricket with an Aus^traliian passion. — That many of our newly-fledged politicians are said to be travelling New Zealand this season, in order to have the pleasure of seeing their luggage emblazoned with "M.H.R." — That Dunedm appointed an engineer to draft a scheme for an improved municipality. They now want an engineer to look into it, and see if they shall adopt it. Cautious Dunedin — That Mrs. Annie Besanfc, the theosophist, is coming to New Zealand. Before' salectinq: a new religion, you should hear w hat she has to offer. Real good country for a holiday, New Zealand ' — That the Melbourne hatters, who kicked excessively over the introduction of thei English hatters are alleged to have treated them right royally, in order to worm their secrets out of them. — That a Northern society oaper, announcing the engagement of a poor girl to a rich man recently, made the unaccountable error of inserting it under the heading "Business Opportunities." — That Hobart wavered and wobbled sadly over the Carnegie gift library After inflating its chest, and talking about its independence, it has thankfully accepted the proferred £7oGO. Hobart the fallen' — That there is no foundation for the rumour that the Princess of Wales has named her new infant son "Richard John " The rumour emanated in the bra,in of a staunch admirer of a gentleman of that name. — That it is freely stated that a, Wellington business man, m drafting a recent will, left £1000 each to those of has employees who had been with ham for twenty years. The record service tots up to fifteen months. — That the Masterton Caledonian Society received a proposal for a new member the other nieht. The Maori gentleman who wanted to toss the caber and things of that sort was described ais "a good Scotsman." ■ — That the young fellow who took a girl to see the play and who was 'cut out" on the dress-circle landing by another young fellow, is businesslike. Next morning the girl received an account foi 2s, the price of the seat. — That, if the young man who went mad during a music lesson in Melbourne, and smashed the piano> and furniture, could be induced to go on the music-hall stage he would make a fortune for his manaerers. Such a lot of his sort have preceded him l — That a zealous anti-tobacconist female, emulating Carrie Nation the Kansas saloon smasher, laid out a Southern cigarette smoking youth the other day with an umbrella. The "cursed weed" will vet figure as a "count" on voting papers. — That there are 7ob little sects, societies, and what not in this country, any one of whom could run the colony far better than anyone else. Theie is another added to the list, ' The Wairarapa Progressive Politicals" havin^ then foot upon the heath. — That a local resident, who feaied that, having lost most of his goslings b\ disease, he would have none for Chnstma&, successfully saved two from a,n untimely death bv doses of whisky and ginger, and wa& not done out of Christmas goose He is a piohibitionist too' — That '"bully" beef, ongmalh intended for the British troops i& being used as manuie on a sugai-caaie plantation in Natal. If a great deal of it had been used as manure in the first instance! there would be fewei dead soldiers fertilising the soil of South Africa. — That a young man with long han who affects music, and assumes the appearance of a dyspeptic emu w hen soleful melodies are around, was informed the other night that the persons dispensing sweetness at a party were the "Mendelssohn Quartette." "And which is Mendelssohn 3 " he a=ked