Afternoon Tea Gossip

Free Lance, Volume III, Issue 113, 30 August 1902, Page 6

Afternoon Tea Gossip

By Little Miss Muffitt.

Mr. J. R- Palmei, oui new Town Clerk is leaving a \ acancy that is not to be' filled in Sydney. Sydne> says that there is no need foi a deput v tow n clerk, but it admits that Mr. Palmer was more than ornamental. * * • One of the quaintest growls I have been privileged to hear came irom a lone-married Newtown man. He complained to his wife that her mustard plasters were not half as strong as those his mother used to make' Now, he is using oil. # There is hope for the opponents of the deadful cigarette habit. A pallid, blase youth, of nine, was overheard remarking to a companion in Lambton Quay the other night "Well, Ive smoked since I was eight, and, hang it, there's nothing in it. It is not geneially known that the Catholic clergy of Wellington have been indefatigable in their efforts to alleviate the sick at Somes Island. This, too, irrespective of creed. Many genial Irish faces have been watched for with much pleasure by the ' boys lately. » * ♦ It was unkind of several returned troopers to get hold of a mislaid letter written by an Auckland soldier addressed to his" wife. From the letter, it is a wonder he is alive to tell the tale. Hairhreadth escapes enough to wreck an army corps. When a man is in depot at I>urban his mind really does run riot. He wishes all those adventures had been real now.

The Queen's Seaaf," only tlncc of which exist, was wid to have taken precedence ot the VC. Lieutenant Hardham, Y C was commanded to go Home to get the tieasured piece of pun metal Captain Coutte, the weaici oi the, Queen's Scaif, had no invitation Whciefore'' Some people sav thov know the loason The Farmeis Conference, hold at fttiatford, wanted to tax mainao-able guJs Thought thev would lather lemam single, I suppose. One delegate reared himself out of his scat to remark that in one week three widows had written to him asking his hand in mairiage. I would like to nass an opinion on that farmer. Coronation p Bless vou, the Coronation celebrations at Home were nothing; to the 4th of July celebrations in Amenca Twenty-one people weie killed, and nearly three thousand wounded Yankees do not take their pleasures sadly. One gentleman with long hair and a six-shooter, in New Jersey, was so overjoyed that he sent four men over the "Great Divide" before the crowd conferred an "emancipation" present on him in the shape of a hempen necktie. * * * One Sydney-side politician, who, during the debate on the Female Franchise Bill, supported it wholly, rose next day in the House, and denounced it in unmeasured tones. There is reason to believe that he helped to kill the Bill's chance. It only transpired afterwards that his change of front was consequent on the refusal of his hand by a wellknown Wellington girl, who already has a vote. — when she is. at home. * * •* If the cap fits! William Le Queux not long ago wrote a book. In it he introduces some very trenchant criticisms, of Parliament and Parliamentarians, without, of course, mentioning name or indicating anybody. One hardhit politician wants the whole work suppressed. Le Queux says he had not the hard-hit one in his mind's eye when he penned the work, but the gentleman, recognising his sins, is unconvinced. "The Under-Secretary" is selling largely, and even more so since the politician has made haste to fit on the cap.

Talk about economy. Why, there is a man m Wellington who has not spent a shilling in "five yeais. Now, he is out, of course, he will have to buv a suit without broad arrows on it, though. So General De Wet has written a histoiy of the war. He is the ' totally illiterate and untutored farmer" spoken of in hi& ante-hero days. Perhaps he learned to read and write in the intervals between getting "nearly caught " The cordon is closing on De Wet." He is a smart scholar is Christian. -(. * ■* What is home without a mother — or a sewing machine? A propos of sewing machines Many of the wives (now widows) of the unfortunate Kembla mines' colliers had previously purchased Singer machines on time-payment. After the disaster, the firm sent all those women receipts in full. That is practical philantrophy, and certainly will not hurt that well-known firm. * * *■ "Oh. isn't he perfectly lovely?" That is what a, girl said while watching a recent big cycle race down South. The "lovely one" was a golden-haired Yankee cyclist. In the last lap "something went " and the beautiful one was thrown, senseless and bleeding, on the track. The girl rushed forward, and the crowd respectfully drew aside, thinking she was a relative. As a matter of fact, she had not seen him before. She rubbed him back to life with whisky, and visited him in the hospital You know the rest. He does not bike any more now. She won't let him. * * * A train-conductor's life is not a happy one. I noticed a large beefy, bulbous, and bibulous gentleman get on the car the other day, and immediately drop his sixpenny piece. In a voice of command he insisted that the conductor should pick it up. The conductor, of course, would not. Then, the bulbous one stormed and threatened to report him. While the melee was in full blast, one of those Adelaide-road gamins, who so frequently don't get killed by the oars 1 , hopped on, collected the coin, and disappeared. The last thing I noticed was a flabby and unsteady citizen chasing a fleet boy, and forty-two crushed passengers yelling with delight.

Touching big noses and ability. Bonaparte would not employ a general without a big nose. He would have been right in his element in Sydney last week, according to a correspondent. Twenty^eight pawnbrokers were witnesses in a jewellery theft case. One man went into- the court, and, looking at the array of noses, kept his hat on. When reprimanded, he said "he thought he had struck a synagogue." • • • What are we coming to? A voung Wellington girl, who went up country to stay with a revered and saintly aunt, was advised to put in her spare time improving her mind with "Pamela, or the Triumph of Virtue," a work over which auntie had wept during her young maidenhood. I have it on good authority that the Wellington girl ejaculated "What are vou giving us. Pass over Zola and a cigarette'" I mercifully draw a veil. ■* * * Mr. Grayson, who one time held the "Works" portfolio in the South Australian Parliament, kept a coffee palace. To him came a new arrival, a youth of eighteen, who told him to "take my portmanteau up to my room." Mr. Grayson did not, of course. The last time 1 I was in Adelaide I stopped at Gray son's. The man who took mv bag was the gorgeous youth who ten vears ago had come to Australia to take charge. Times change! * * * I am shocked to hear that a young lady, whose father is well known in the wool world, became frantically enamoured of a man-o'-warsman. Curiously enough, she married him without the least opposition from her high-born parents. "Jack" had not a sou. They would not interfere with "love's young dream." Jack is to be discharged soon, and then he will come out in his true colours. He writes: Hon. before his name when he is out of uniform. Family squabble, you know. Bless you, that squatter is a sharp man.

Who hasn't been attacked by Grippe, And languished in its hold ; How many give this life the slip, Neglecting cough or cold. Gaunt men with cough and hollow cheek, Whose death seems almost sure, Can pick up health if they but seek For Woods' Gbeat Peppermint Cure.