It is Town Talk

Free Lance, Volume III, Issue 113, 30 August 1902, Page 26

It is Town Talk

—That a inaie with dark points | 15.3 iugli is adveitised foi. She should be pretty conspicuous. —That Napiei has no morgue A body lav in a hotel in that town for thVee days The publican want, compensation. -That theie is a brisk demand 01 pumpkins since the price of bu«ei went up Jam must be the substitute in many pool households. —That the Boers were sent back to their faims m railway carnages, men Actors were sent to ports of departure in coal and produce trucks. —That if rich men could carry their sold with them acioss the Styx, we Sould hear very little of "munificent bequests" and "patriotic legacies —That one enthusiastic advocate of the 'unimproved alue" rating has &ven up his advocacy This year he pays £22. Last yeai he paid £8 —That a thief will earn the undving jrratitude of New town residents it he maki a raid on the instruments used bT the local branch of the Salvation Aimv —That the pony, Venus, which went to the front as a w ai charger, was useful in landing several good stakes. But who got the stakes? And where is that Venus now ? —That an up-countiv policeman, who made a gieat fuss because a publican did not admit him. quick enough got in in time to see his sergeant making tracks for the back-door. —That a Northern J.P , who was called upon to sentence a female alcoholist. turned pale. She proved to be a one-time fiancee of his, whom he had jilted. Five shillings, or twenty-four hours ' —That the "In Memoriam" daily paper columns still supply quaint reading A widow winds up her husband ls death notice thus "Deeply mourned, but at rest at last." An unfortunate admission. —That it is interesting to learn that New Zealand has not so large a criminal population as recently anneared. Every lunatic up to now has been considered a criminal Why. -oodness only knows That a parent, who was recently fined £2 under the School Attendance Act, 1901, for not sending his youngster to school, asked the Court, as a favoui to "take it out of the kids hide." Nice paient' —That a sarcastic Blenheim lady has suggested that a row of spittoons should be placed in conspicuous places m that town as a "soldiers' memorial." They have not got that anti-expectoration bye-law over there vet' That it is quite obvious from the number of oases of sickness aboard the Montrose (admittedly not overcrowded), that disease would have been epidemic amonor the troops even though the conditions had been brighter. — That a certain up-countrv paper pats itself on the back by stating that a crowd of men were seen reading one copy It points to the fact that pennies are scarce up that way or the men were wondering what it was — That a Svdney-side troopei is sueing the Federal Government to recover damages for the loss of three front teeth, whuoh succumbed to Armv biscuits. They should try an "exhibit" biscuit on the iurv It would "find" for the soldier. That a Southern citv councilloi moved, with great solemnity, that a iailwav should be made through a certain valley The motion was carried tumultuously. The tram has been running through that valley foi manv years. Useful man that ' — That, had the Drayton Grange inquirv in Australia, not been open to the press, a great deal of evidence would have remained uncontradicted until it was over. In the secret Britannic inquire there is no chance of misstatements being refuted until too late — That an absent-minded clergyman who took a typewritten circular to church m place of Ins sermon, and commenced reading about fisheiies and things to his congregation, on Sunday dav last, was astonished at the prevalenoe of giggles in his flock. —That the papers within big gun shot of Mount Egmont are always hearing subterranean rumblings, and believe that the snow-capped heights are to emulate Pelee soon. No one seems to hear it but the said newspapers however.

That Wellington is to have a motoi car company shortly. Newtown tramweary residents are jubilant. —That Sir Henry Irving, the actor, is not coming to the colonies after all. There must be talent left in the old gentleman yet. That since the price of meat has been raised, the butchers are wondering where they are going to get sheep that are all forequarters. That Lawyer-doctor Knight savs the Victoria College professors are sweated at £700 per annum' Truly, we are a benighted people ' That a gioup of small children in Newtown were asked the other evening, "Who is the King of Ireland? And one replied, "Mr. Seddon '" That the Africander Bond is probably not feeling too comfortable since it has an inkling that Mr. Seddon may be let loose as a saviour of Bntish South Africa . -That the average person has an objection to being a witness in court. If this objection could be removed, many persons guilty of cruelty to animals could be punished. —That the Trades Council does not know where it aie. Politics are barred, and yet it has heated debates on polities' — and in between whiles unions are seceding ' .That it is a common piactice amo-nsc Wellington boys to oatch and ride weary horses turned out for their Sunday spell. A piece of fencing wire for a bit, and there you are ' — That an old identity passed away on the Southern goldfields the other day, who was the object of a goldfields eolloqualism "Gone like the gold in Michael Kett's gutter " — That a large bright smile illuminates the countenance of stock holders in private fire insurance companies now that the Government thinks the time is not yet ripe for a State scheme. — That there was a sly donning of opera cloaks at the Opera House on Monday when comedian Quealy vocally suggested, among other things, that ladies' costumes should be a "little bit further on," —That lady barbers, at 10s a week, are a menace to the male "journeymen" in Melbourne. The master barber does not mind. Customers get shaved twice a day these times, instead of twice a week, as formerly. — That a Southern City Council, which sent a deputation of two to a Minister in Wellington has not seen a notice of it in the paper vet. Wait until that deputation has had its cheap holiday, won't you? — That several counties are supplying poisoned grain for the destruction of small birds. There will be no use for sporting guns in future. Not that game birds would eat duly labelled Government gram, of course ' — That, in six years, Auckland has played twenty-two interprovincial football matches won nineteen, drawn three, and has scored 309 points against 75. Of course, every circumstance has always been in their favour. — That the Fijians sang "Home, Sweet Home" into a phonograph, and sent it to the king. This is considered worth cabling. The song the Fijians sang when they had "coronated" excessively was not considered worth cabling. — That some youths have recently been run-in for ' riotous conduct," inasmuch as they did openly and wilfully indulge in the pernicious pastime of ping-pong publicly, to wit, on the King's highway. Seven years, at least'